IST Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I guess this isn't so much an issue because I needed to go NC anyway, but I kind of wish that if I said "Hey, how're you" I could actually have a conversation rather than being ignored. Anyone else been in this sort of situation where after going NC their ex just got angry and refused to talk to them and wanted nothing to do with them? I mean, I suppose my fault is that I tried to go NC a couple of times beforehand and failed, the first time I brought it up she was a lot less mad over it. I figure I'll just say hi in a couple of weeks and hope she's less mad then. But I'm wondering if anyone has some advice or has been in a similar situation. Would love to here from some Dumpers if they just got so sick of the Dumpee's bull**** that they just didn't want to bother with them anymore.
Chi townD Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Hell, just go with it! SHe's making NC easy as hell for you!
k100danny Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 You have to remember she has just come out of a relationship too and sometimes you think they are being hard on you but they have just made up their mind and need some time alone. then after this you can decide if you want to be friends again but it will take a LONG time.
Author IST Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Hell, just go with it! SHe's making NC easy as hell for you! I just don't really like how it went down. Instead of being a mutually agreed upon thing it was more of a big ass fight. You have to remember she has just come out of a relationship too and sometimes you think they are being hard on you but they have just made up their mind and need some time alone. then after this you can decide if you want to be friends again but it will take a LONG time. She wanted to stay friends. I think she felt like I was cutting her out permanently like I wanted nothing to do with her (as she has had that happen to her before in the past) but really I just needed some time to get over her. I didn't really get that across very well. I guess I'll send her a message in a couple of weeks explaining that. I'm feeling a lot better but I don't think I'm over her completely yet.
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I just don't really like how it went down. Instead of being a mutually agreed upon thing it was more of a big ass fight. She wanted to stay friends. I think she felt like I was cutting her out permanently like I wanted nothing to do with her (as she has had that happen to her before in the past) but really I just needed some time to get over her. I didn't really get that across very well. I guess I'll send her a message in a couple of weeks explaining that. I'm feeling a lot better but I don't think I'm over her completely yet. In my opinion, you've got to come to realize that you "needing some time to get over her" is not her problems at all. So you may just be bothering her with something that does not interest her anymore. You're moving on is not her responsibility. Good luck.
Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I guess this isn't so much an issue because I needed to go NC anyway, but I kind of wish that if I said "Hey, how're you" I could actually have a conversation rather than being ignored. Anyone else been in this sort of situation where after going NC their ex just got angry and refused to talk to them and wanted nothing to do with them? I mean, I suppose my fault is that I tried to go NC a couple of times beforehand and failed, the first time I brought it up she was a lot less mad over it. I figure I'll just say hi in a couple of weeks and hope she's less mad then. But I'm wondering if anyone has some advice or has been in a similar situation. Would love to here from some Dumpers if they just got so sick of the Dumpee's bull**** that they just didn't want to bother with them anymore. My relationship ended in a huge fight too. He told me not to contact him so I haven't. It's been two months now and I haven't heard a word..If they initiated NC then the ball is in their court. I wouldn't contact her...it won't do anything good for you. You need to try to focus on YOU at this point... and to be honest.. not hearing from her is better anyways. If you read some of the posts by others on here, you'll see they're struggling even more because they're being selfishly strung along. It may not seem like it.. but you're better off.
Author IST Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 In my opinion, you've got to come to realize that you "needing some time to get over her" is not her problems at all. So you may just be bothering her with something that does not interest her anymore. You're moving on is not her responsibility. Good luck. I suppose so. But at the same time I think it'd be fair for her to understand that I can't be just friends right away. My relationship ended in a huge fight too. He told me not to contact him so I haven't. It's been two months now and I haven't heard a word..If they initiated NC then the ball is in their court. I wouldn't contact her...it won't do anything good for you. You need to try to focus on YOU at this point... and to be honest.. not hearing from her is better anyways. If you read some of the posts by others on here, you'll see they're struggling even more because they're being selfishly strung along. It may not seem like it.. but you're better off. For all intents and purposes I initiated it. Regardless, the ball is hers. That said, reaching out in a couple weeks wouldn't hurt.
Author IST Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Well, I messaged her basically saying I was over her and all I wanted was to be friends again. (Which is true) She seems to be ignoring me. I was thinking if I didn't get a response in a week or so to go stop by her house and see if she wanted to talk. Alternatively I could just forget about her and leave it with my last message and see if she eventually decides to take me up on it. Opinions?
weallfalldown Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 if you do that i'll strangle you myself!!!!!!!!!!11 1
robaday Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 If you were over her, you wouldnt be initiating contact so much. I wish I had had a clean break a number of times, but either i or previous exes kept in touch. Im telling you mate - i went 2 months after my last two break ups, without saying a word, then reinitiated contact - after 6 messages i realised i wasnt over it, and then for some reason plunged right back into the dysfunctional relationships again. The longer you can hold out without either of you talking - the sooner you can both be friends again. Counter intuitive, but in my experience its true.
Author IST Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) If you were over her, you wouldnt be initiating contact so much. I wish I had had a clean break a number of times, but either i or previous exes kept in touch. Well, I'm over her in the sense that I no longer want to be in a relationship with her. I'm not entirely closed to the possibility, but it would take a lot of convincing on her part. I would like to be friends, but I'm okay if she doesn't want to be. I just kind of want an answer one way or the other. I interpret the silence as indecisiveness. That said, forcing a confrontation is probably a bad idea. I'm happy leaving it on this note and whenever she decides to she can pick the thread back up again. Edited July 31, 2012 by IST
Balzac Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Have some pride man. You made your statement, move on. Friends after livers is thin ice, stay away.
Jono85 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 i don't even get how ppl that are dumped want to be friends with their exes anyhow. i really don't. these ppl don't care to have u a big part of their lives anymore. why try for a friendship? 1
steveblack Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 IST, She is thinking about you... trust me. Let me give you some advice, my two breakups have gone two different ways 1) We broke up and slept with each other for a year after it, while she was seeing someone else. She also left breadcrumbs saying she wanted to be with me.. blah blah. It took me 2 years to get over the breakup, and I was a complete disgrace of a man after words. Took me another 2 years to grow up really, cause I was hurting. 2) She 'needed space' after a great relationship. I went straight to no contact after she said "I want you in my life, but I dont know what that means?" (breadcrumbs). We have had really no contact for over a month. She has respected me by not contacting so I can heal. Once we are both ready (if it ever happens we will talk). I do not want to go through what I did before.
biogirl05 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) "Anyone else been in this sort of situation where after going NC their ex just got angry and refused to talk to them and wanted nothing to do with them?" Yes. He told me maybe he'd call me sometime to see if I was still alive. Still hasn't called me. But this was after he had done so much **** I totally lost all respect for him. I was angry about the ignoring me thing for a long time, but now I'm glad he left me alone because he probably would have just kept trying to manipulate and abuse me. And one other thing; i've NEVER regretted not texting him to say 'hi' a few weeks later. Meet silence with silence. Edited August 1, 2012 by biogirl05 1
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