venusianx13 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I’ve made quite the habit of posting here… [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Okay, background: One of the things that attracted me so much to my boyfriend is that he volunteers as a Big Brother. I adore that. I have done my share of volunteering and see it as a very selfless act. I have met his Little Brother several times, and he’s a great kid. He’s smart and funny, and I truly have compassion for his situation. He has his share of problems, and I am glad my boyfriend has been around for 4 years to mentor him. He needs it. However, I notice that my boyfriend doesn’t draw boundaries with his LB. If my bf and I are out for the evening or just doing something together at home, LB will call incessantly until he picks up (and it’s not usually any kind of an emergency). He also strong-arms him into playing this online video game with him all the time, and it occasionally happens when I’m there with him (i.e. he’ll give in and play.) I haven’t felt the need to say anything until recently, though. What has me feeling a little aggravated is that my boyfriend joined his LB at the beach for a couple of days. Since he’s been there, he’s had NO privacy whatsoever to have a nightly conversation (not asking much, 10 minutes at most!) I thought this trip was a great idea, but now I’m starting to see how my bf has no boundaries with his LB. My heart sank some when he called me last night, but had to go about two minutes into our conversation because his LB was coming and “needed attention.” Okay, perhaps I should have said this earlier in the post, but his LB is 17 years old now… and when my boyfriend dares to NOT cater to him, he typically causes problems.[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I don’t know if I will even say anything, but it is aggravating me a little bit. I understand the value of their relationship and would never ask him to compromise that. However, having a 7 year old child, I see where his LB is crossing boundaries with an adult. I know my boyfriend is afraid of hurting him, but I see times where LB needs guidance and not just a buddy who’s there at his every whim, catering to him. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]My question is, is there a tactful, gentle way of approaching this subject, or should I just leave it be? I love both of them… I want them to have a good relationship, but I’m noticing a bad trend here. [/FONT][/sIZE]
Author venusianx13 Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 I understand the value of their relationship and would never ask him to compromise that. Yes you would. Which is why I stated that I probably won't say anything.
thatone Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 i don't think it's out of line to say something. the kid is 17, he should be able to understand when he's being too pushy. maybe try talking to the kid, it's not the nature of a 17 year old kid generally, to refuse a request from a girl.
Author venusianx13 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 I'd never manipulate him or hold anything over his head. This issue was actually touched upon last night (I explained they were away with LB's family at the shore.) LB pretty much had a breakdown and refused to talk to my bf, because my bf actually reprimanded him about something and didn't cater to him for once. He called me and told me what had happened and I saw that as prime opportunity to chime in with my two cents. I told him that the way LB behaves is reminiscent of the way my 7 year old son behaves when he doesn't get his way, and that it was far past time for him to put up some boundaries. He agreed. Happy to have been able to address this.
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