ThaWholigan Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Quite a few posts last couple of days, mostly from women funnily enough, about the standards of dating that they hold. From settling for a partner because most guys aren't good enough, to ruling out guys who push for sex early in favor of those who show restraint, and all other stuff in between.... Is it wrong to have standards such as these? Or bad in the long run? Most guys would probably say yeah, it's too picky. I'm not so sure...... Personally, I have high standards for myself as an individual, in terms of goals, ethics and personal behavior. As happy as I currently am, I'm nowhere near where I need to be and always try to improve as a person. As such, I would like the same kind of self-awareness in a partner, as well as being physically attracted to her. Now, some people around me might think that is high standards, but I think it's normal. When we talk about men not meeting physical standards, excluding the unchangeable things, most guys can get away with good grooming, fitness and strong body language/movement. As such, they can become physically attractive to the right woman. So the woman who wants a man like that - is she really being picky? Or shouldn't we be meeting those standards, if not for attracting women, but for ourselves personally? Same thing, when we talk about waiting to have sex. Is it bad for a woman to want a man to wait a while and build a connection beforehand? (Provided she makes guys wait in general, and not just you ). Or somehow it's "gay" or backwards for a guy to show restraint instead of going straight for the sex, in preference of anticipation, and other things instead? When I told my brother that I didn't have sex with the girl from OKC, he was surprised. Sure, we did other stuff that I enjoyed, but I didn't really feel like having sex with her considering we had only met twice, and spoken like 3 times. I didn't think I would feel like that initially, but I did . It wasn't like she was ugly, she was quite hot. Anyway I digress..... So if a woman wants to build a connection before the sex, and men tend to go quicker than she wants, is she obliged to switch it up for the benefit, or should she stick to her guns? I say the latter. Again, I ask - should men think about showing restraint with the right girl, and showing a level of versatility in such a case? I know sometimes it can lead to the Friendzone with a lot of girls, but provided there is something being built, and there is a marked level of sexual tension being handled correctly, surely it's one way of doing things? Lot of things to ponder personally, what say the rest of you?? 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) It's not bad as long as you know when to cash in your chips. Plenty of women well past their prime wishing they had gone with that guy who was 2" too short back when they were 25. Again, prime is another one of these "arguments". Prime only matters if one wants kids, and honestly, who wants kids in a loveless relationship just so they can't be alone? This is the settling dynamic....... Edited July 26, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 4
veggirl Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I mean if it works for you (general you) then it does. So...I'd say that makes it not bad. Your standards do NOT sound high, Who. They sound normal and average. I can't imagine anyone saying those standards are too high. TBH most people could stand to raise their standards. Look at the posts on LS...
veggirl Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 It's not bad as long as you know when to cash in your chips. Plenty of women well past their prime wishing they had gone with that guy who was 2" too short back when they were 25. Never in my life have I met a woman who has wished that. LOL like really you think a woman is gonna sit around at 40 (is that "past their prime"?) reminscing about some random dude she rejected 15 yrs prior? No. I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume I know/interact with more women about Rs... 1
EasyHeart Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 There's nothing wrong with having high standards, but a lot of people (esp. a lot of women) have very long and detailed lists of requirements which become quite ridiculous. Everyone needs to distinguish between standards (eg, sexual compatibility) and preferences ("Must have blue eyes!!!", "Must own his own plane!!")
veggirl Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 There's nothing wrong with having high standards, but a lot of people (esp. a lot of women) have very long and detailed lists of requirements which become quite ridiculous. Everyone needs to distinguish between standards (eg, sexual compatibility) and preferences ("Must have blue eyes!!!", "Must own his own plane!!") come on now. You make a valid point, and then totally discount it with crap like that. If someone says someone MUST have blue eyes, then who cares? Like...yeah that's a weird REQUIREMENT but I would bet that you'd be quite hard-pressed to find someone who REQUIRES blue eyes. Prefers? yeah sure, but requires? Cmon. And you are saying "a lot" of women have those requirements? Okay.
EasyHeart Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 come on now. You make a valid point, and then totally discount it with crap like that. If someone says someone MUST have blue eyes, then who cares? Like...yeah that's a weird REQUIREMENT but I would bet that you'd be quite hard-pressed to find someone who REQUIRES blue eyes. Prefers? yeah sure, but requires? Cmon. And you are saying "a lot" of women have those requirements? Okay.I was exaggerating for effect, but yeah I've heard both of those things from women. I'm not gender-bashing, I'm just illustrating the point, so don't get your knickers in a bunch.
EasyHeart Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 And for those of you in the US, there was a very funny bit about this topic on last night's episode of "Big Brother", complete with music! Women with ridiculous lists are becoming a comedic cliche.
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Quite a few posts last couple of days, mostly from women funnily enough, about the standards of dating that they hold. ..... Is it wrong to have standards such as these? Or bad in the long run? Most guys would probably say yeah, it's too picky. I'm not so sure...... ....what say the rest of you?? It is much, much harder to go against the current, and maintain high standards, than it is to relax, let everything drop and run with the pack. it's the person who stands out - stands head and shoulders above the rest - that sets their sights higher - and gets to see twice as far. If you have standards, make them higher. if they're already high - stick to your principles. Being true to yourself is worth more than ever being a pack-rat....
Els Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) Back to the OP... I think the FZ happens when you don't make any intentions clear, honestly. And you can make romantic intentions clear without even having sex. I might be old-fashioned, but that's the way it has always happened for me. Commitment before sex. Those guys moved out of the friendzone by doing romantic couple-y stuff for me. Not by feeling up my boobs or asking me to have sex with them. That being said, I think you should just stick to what makes you happy, when it comes to sex. This goes for anyone of any gender. If you want to have sex early, go for it but respect her wishes if she declines. If you don't, don't. You don't need to push for sex early just for her to not view you as a friend. That won't happen with the right woman. Edited July 26, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 One specific guy? No. But you're insane if you've convinced yourself the average woman has the same number of options at 40 that she had at 25. Personally, every guy that I rejected when I was younger I would still reject today. 2
Author ThaWholigan Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 It also matters if you don't want someone with wrinkles and saggy breasts. By that token, who of any substance wants a wrinkly old fart trolling for naive young girls who don't know any better? 2
oaks Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 There's nothing intrinsically wrong with having high standards, but if they are so high that you're single when you don't want to be then you need to weigh the options; is being single and maintaining standards better than dating someone who doesn't tick all the boxes? Sometimes it is.
Author ThaWholigan Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 That's the beauty of it. For you maybe. I'm a man who likes women, not barely legal adult girls who can't tell the difference between a man and......well, you. 2
Leopard Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I think it is. High standards make it difficult to find someone.
Els Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 For you maybe. I'm a man who likes women, not barely legal adult girls who can't tell the difference between a man and......well, you. I wouldn't worry too much. I think even the average 18 year old has sufficient wisdom to be able to turn down a Greznok/Algermas/Algermos. Which is why he's here making several handles just to post this tripe. 2
MrCastle Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I don't think it's bad to have high standards, but there's a difference between high standards and unrealistic standards. Both genders are guilty of this. I don't think you can have a successful dating life if you have a checklist made before you even find a potential mate. The perfect person does not exist. You will always have to compromise on something. I go by feel. I go by the chemistry shared between me and an individual. If I limited myself to one kind of girl, I would be missing out on so many other types. 2
Woggle Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 No but I advise to deal with reality when considering their standards if they truly don't want to be single. Also make sure they live up to their own standards. 2
jobaba Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Quite a few posts last couple of days, mostly from women funnily enough, about the standards of dating that they hold. From settling for a partner because most guys aren't good enough, to ruling out guys who push for sex early in favor of those who show restraint, and all other stuff in between.... Is it wrong to have standards such as these? Or bad in the long run? Most guys would probably say yeah, it's too picky. I'm not so sure...... Personally, I have high standards for myself as an individual, in terms of goals, ethics and personal behavior. As happy as I currently am, I'm nowhere near where I need to be and always try to improve as a person. As such, I would like the same kind of self-awareness in a partner, as well as being physically attracted to her. Now, some people around me might think that is high standards, but I think it's normal. When we talk about men not meeting physical standards, excluding the unchangeable things, most guys can get away with good grooming, fitness and strong body language/movement. As such, they can become physically attractive to the right woman. So the woman who wants a man like that - is she really being picky? Or shouldn't we be meeting those standards, if not for attracting women, but for ourselves personally? Same thing, when we talk about waiting to have sex. Is it bad for a woman to want a man to wait a while and build a connection beforehand? (Provided she makes guys wait in general, and not just you ). Or somehow it's "gay" or backwards for a guy to show restraint instead of going straight for the sex, in preference of anticipation, and other things instead? When I told my brother that I didn't have sex with the girl from OKC, he was surprised. Sure, we did other stuff that I enjoyed, but I didn't really feel like having sex with her considering we had only met twice, and spoken like 3 times. I didn't think I would feel like that initially, but I did . It wasn't like she was ugly, she was quite hot. Anyway I digress..... So if a woman wants to build a connection before the sex, and men tend to go quicker than she wants, is she obliged to switch it up for the benefit, or should she stick to her guns? I say the latter. Again, I ask - should men think about showing restraint with the right girl, and showing a level of versatility in such a case? I know sometimes it can lead to the Friendzone with a lot of girls, but provided there is something being built, and there is a marked level of sexual tension being handled correctly, surely it's one way of doing things? Lot of things to ponder personally, what say the rest of you?? The thing is, your standards evolve (mostly the non-physical ones) as you have relationships with people and find out what works with you and what doesn't. You could reject, reject, reject, and then somebody could come along and fit all your standards in a pretty little package and you find out it was totally wrong for you. You're a young guy. I suggest you date around some instead of worrying about standards this and standards that. STANDARDS for marriage. For dating, keep them loose... 1
Leopard Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 STANDARDS for marriage. For dating, keep them loose... But lots of people hope that a relationship will lead to marriage. So doesn't it make sense to look for marriage standards in a relationship also?
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 There is a difference between having standards and giving someone the chance to prove they meet them, compared to jumping to assumptive conclusions and automatically ruling them out.
Anela Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Oh im fully aware that every single woman in LS is the exception to everything posted about women. I could make a post stating women require oxygen to stay alive and one of you would post about how they've gone without oxygen for the last 30 years thank you very much. I know. And for every post from a woman, or a man that actually likes women, that illustrates something positive in the dating world (and discounts whatever you have to say) - you will come along and scream, "lies!" and insist that these men have handed over their balls, and are trying to get in good with the women here. I know. 3
Anela Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Oh you're welcome to them once gravity begins taking its toll. If you were actually having any success with those young girls, you would have no time and no need to sit here and be rude, trying to offend women. 1
Anela Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Oh im fully aware that every single woman in LS is the exception to everything posted about women. Also, it's good that you're finally learning this.
Author ThaWholigan Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 I think it is. High standards make it difficult to find someone. Is it really better to be in a relationship with someone you barely have any attraction to, rather than learn to love being alone? I don't think it's bad to have high standards, but there's a difference between high standards and unrealistic standards. Both genders are guilty of this. I don't think you can have a successful dating life if you have a checklist made before you even find a potential mate. The perfect person does not exist. You will always have to compromise on something. I go by feel. I go by the chemistry shared between me and an individual. If I limited myself to one kind of girl, I would be missing out on so many other types. Agree, I think having a checklist of requirements makes dating mechanical. I can't say I have a list of things I would definitely want. Dating is a massive grey area for me. No but I advise to deal with reality when considering their standards if they truly don't want to be single. Also make sure they live up to their own standards. The bolded is a given, and a good point. The thing is, your standards evolve (mostly the non-physical ones) as you have relationships with people and find out what works with you and what doesn't. You could reject, reject, reject, and then somebody could come along and fit all your standards in a pretty little package and you find out it was totally wrong for you. You're a young guy. I suggest you date around some instead of worrying about standards this and standards that. STANDARDS for marriage. For dating, keep them loose... I already do . I don't worry about standards - just the topic of conversation in this forum over the last couple of days.
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