jai06 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Reader's Digest version of my past week... Tuesday see Doc, recognizing signs of depression (lost my Dad 4 months ago and I'm not coping with it). He's not much help. Wednesday find out 18 year old daughter is pregnant. Thursday brakes go to hell (even though a "friend" did our safety inspection just 6 weeks ago labor free in exchange for free labor in his house renovation). Friday get $500 brake bill, which I have to borrow from parents to pay. Saturday find out my husband is cheating. Sunday, climbed steep learning curve of family law. Monday filed for divorce and then confronted him with what I know. Maybe all the other details don't matter, but suffice to say I feel like I'm part of a sick psychological experiment on how to break a person. Without a doubt, I need time and space from my husband. But I'm scared. I jumped to the courthouse full of rage and adrenaline, eager to have the divorce filed so he couldn't talk me out of it and so it would be too late for second thoughts. Our marriage hasn't been good for a long time, we argue about everything and the past while we've been more roommates than spouses. I've asked for a separation several times, he begs for counseling and things get better for a while. Turns out he's been going online to "chat" with people who live locally and a year ago March slept with another woman. He swears it only happened the one time but as early as last week he was reaching out to try to connect with others.... including a couple, and says he was curious about being with another guy. He says he wanted to feel appreciated, that he was seeking attention. Instead, he says it made him feel horrible. Having had a couple days without the rage and adrenaline now I'm having regrets... regrets for not putting more energy into our relationship, regrets for closing him out, and regrets for jumping on the divorce papers. I do NOT take responsibility, this was his mistake. It's just...Divorce is so FINAL. It petrifies me. Ironically, I've discovered just how much I love him. He's always been my biggest supporter, he goes along with any crazy project I get on. I'm overweight and that's NEVER bothered him as much as it does me. He's seen me at my best and he's seen me at my worst and he's loved me through it all. I don't know if we can work through this, or if I could ever learn to trust him again. With the divorce process already started, I haven't even given myself time to find out. I keep wondering if this state of confusion is my real feelings or if I were clearer in my judgement the day I filed the papers.
carhill Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Welcome to LS and my sympathies. What you're describing, IME, is how life can be a shyte-storm at times. You sound overwhelmed. IMO, get your space, get some IC (that's individual counseling) and get that person's, preferably a psychologist, opinion on your current psychological state. Also, get a full physical. This is known as 'baselining'. Divorce must be prosecuted. You merely 'filed charges'. The case can move forward or not at your/his whim/perspective. Request mediation, if available. If possible, after accomplishing these tasks, meaning gathering information/making appointments, take some time for yourself this weekend and visit a neutral friend or just get away to be alone with your thoughts. I used to go bike riding or for a walk on the beach when staying at a friend's beach house to do this. I found it promoted clarity. Good luck
2sure Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 My exH was a serial cheater. Let me describe the pattern for you. I discovered him texting a couple of women, Flirty. He explained he was basically an attention whore, but harmless. I discovered he had an online profile. We got over it together. I discoverd he had a seperate identy, had for years and had been randomly meeting women and couples for sex. I discovered I had an STD. I never once doubted that he loved me. Weve been divorced 2 years. It took a year. All you did was initiate a D. Dont give it any more thought for now. You have more to deal with than paperwork at the moment. I can tell from your post you can do it.
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