Sheppy99 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) So basically my ex broke it off with me on Friday. Was in tears and basically apologized a million times saying she's so sorry cause she's no where near ready for a relationship any time soon and that she was moving away to clear her head. So she contacted me yesterday asking me how I was blah blah blah. I figured since we were talking I'd ask her a question I was dying to know. Was the move going to be permanent or just for a while until she clears her head. She told me if it works out it could be for a very long time which shocked me since 90 percent of her family live here and she struck me as a big family person. So she admitted to missing me and having an amazing time when we were together and was really hoping we could keep in touch. She said I was so incredible with her and caring that she'd hate to lose someone like me out of her life. She said she was trying to make herself happy and fix herself while with me but that it didn't work and she realized she is no where near ready for a relationship. I told her I don't want to lose her either out of mine but I need time to digest what had happened between us and we said goodnight..... Dunno what to make of it if anything. Made me feel a little better to have some questions answered. She said I was one of the most caring people she's ever met but this whole keeping in touch thing feels like she's trying to keep the door open for when she's ready which doesn't seem fair to me but maybe I'm wrong in looking at it that way Edited July 26, 2012 by Sheppy99
Craig16 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Me and my ex have a similar situation infact she said the exact same things " your a caring person " " i dont want to lose you " " im not ready for a relationship right now ". Just give it time mate just tell her that u need time apart to think through everything aswell and that u dont want to to talk all the time, if ur still talking to her all the time there will be a low chance u will get back together because she will not miss you. Let her see how life is without you, i dont think she would last long away if she is a big family person imo.
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Me and my ex have a similar situation infact she said the exact same things " your a caring person " " i dont want to lose you " " im not ready for a relationship right now ". Just give it time mate just tell her that u need time apart to think through everything aswell and that u dont want to to talk all the time, if ur still talking to her all the time there will be a low chance u will get back together because she will not miss you. Let her see how life is without you, i dont think she would last long away if she is a big family person imo. I was thinking the exact same thing and almost put it in my post.... She's leaving to clear her head of me and someone else that lives here too that she said she never properly moved on from. She said until she does that she can't be in a relationship. But to me all that's gonna happen is she's going to end up missing her family which should be more important. I am going to go back to NC, if she tries to contact me, I won't ignore her but I won't drag out the conversations either. Prob wait a day or two to text her back in hopes she's busy too and can't talk. I do still need time to heal.
Chi townD Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 She's feeling guilty about dumping you. She doesn't want to get back with you, but she doesn't want you to think she's a bad person. Thus, giving you all the compliments. Breadcrumbs, dude....breadcrumbs. 2
Crila16 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Wait a minute. Moving? To where and why? Job relocation? How far away is she from you now? How old is she?
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Wait a minute. Moving? To where and why? Job relocation? How far away is she from you now? How old is she? Nope, not job relocation. She quit her job the same day we broke up. She's moving away cause she thinks being in a different area will make it easier for her to move on from her past. She wasn't ready for a relationship cause she realized she never properly got over her ex bf so she thinks by moving away from him, it will make it easier to heal. She'll prob be about 3-4 hours away and she is 24. I'm 29..... She's feeling guilty about dumping you. She doesn't want to get back with you, but she doesn't want you to think she's a bad person. Thus, giving you all the compliments. Breadcrumbs, dude....breadcrumbs. I don't think she wants to get back with me right now either. We both know she's not ready for a relationship right now and I could never think she was a bad person. I could see she was really trying to make it work with me but there was something holding her back and I did see the signs. I do feel like she's trying to hold the door open for down the road when she is ready. She's gotten back together with ex's before after long periods of time hence why she never got over her last one. However I'm not going to be waiting around. If she's ready someday down the road and I'm single by chance, there's always the slight possibility but I'd need a lot of discussion first
flitzanu Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 she wants to move 4 hours away, alone, away from all of her friends and family?
Ajax Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 That 24-25 range is a magic age when so many people go through changes, frustrations, and doubt. It almost seams like an emotional puberty. I've seen so many people, including my own ex, who couldn't commit to the responsibilities, relationships, and values which up to that point they'd worked so hard to establish. It sounds like your ex is desperate for change but doesn't know what she really wants. Though she claims to be trying to get away from you and her other ex, it's pretty obvious that she's really running from herself. But you know what they say: wherever you go, there you are. This is something she has to work through on her own. And my guess is that the further she goes to go through this the safer you yourself will be. You may find it to be a blessing in disguise. 1
Crila16 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Oh God...it's the worst when a girl still has feelings for her ex. It will help her get over him...but my suggestion to you is keep up the NC. You don't want to become "the friend". It's not a smart idea to date a girl that is still in love with an ex. The fact that she feels she needs to move away from him kinda says it all. She hasn't moved on from him, so you don't have a shot until her feelings for him are done. I predict...once she's over him and sees you (if you walk away from her completely) she may develop feelings for you one day.
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 she wants to move 4 hours away, alone, away from all of her friends and family? Absolutely shocking to me as well especially since she said if things go well she could be gone for a very long time. But I think she said that to gauge my reaction because she loves her family and it's a huge part of her life. I predict she's gone for 6 months at the longest, possibly spring and comes back. Her entire family is here plus her best girlfriends etc. That 24-25 range is a magic age when so many people go through changes, frustrations, and doubt. It almost seams like an emotional puberty. I've seen so many people, including my own ex, who couldn't commit to the responsibilities, relationships, and values which up to that point they'd worked so hard to establish. It sounds like your ex is desperate for change but doesn't know what she really wants. Though she claims to be trying to get away from you and her other ex, it's pretty obvious that she's really running from herself. But you know what they say: wherever you go, there you are. This is something she has to work through on her own. And my guess is that the further she goes to go through this the safer you yourself will be. You may find it to be a blessing in disguise. Wow....... I read this and just thought wow. You couldn't of hit the nail on the head any better my friend. Great insight and thank you for this. I as well had the feeling that she possibly saved me a lot of pain by not allowing us to go any further. I'm already starting to turn the corner slightly. Even though we weren't together for a long time, I still immensely enjoyed every second with her which is a first for me and I really started to develop some expectations for her. Even her family was telling her wow.... this one is different..... Oh God...it's the worst when a girl still has feelings for her ex. It will help her get over him...but my suggestion to you is keep up the NC. You don't want to become "the friend". It's not a smart idea to date a girl that is still in love with an ex. The fact that she feels she needs to move away from him kinda says it all. She hasn't moved on from him, so you don't have a shot until her feelings for him are done. I predict...once she's over him and sees you (if you walk away from her completely) she may develop feelings for you one day. I'm definitely going to keep NC, or at the very least LC. She wants to keep in touch and hopes we talk soon but I won't be the one making contact first that's for sure. If she contacts me before I'm legit moved on, I probably will just wait a day to msg back and keep it short and sweet. Don't need to be doing the hour or two hour conversations every other day. No thanks. What's funny is thursday night I texted her before I went to bed that I needed to talk to her about something before work on Friday cause I felt uneasy about the friendship she had with her ex and him being her "best" friend. Moral of the story, always trust your instincts, they are generally right. lol. Than Friday rolls around and I"m like can't wait to clear the air with the ex and move on from these weird feelings and...... the bomb gets dropped lol. Great day..... YOu're 100 percent right. Go with the NC until I've moved on and than once that happens, I won't mind talking to her here and there. Thanks for all the replies. I'm gonna focus on me and getting over her and she should focus on herself and getting healthy of mind and spirit. Fate can take care of the rest. Everything so far in my life has happened for a reason. Hopefully this is another one of those cases. In any event if this relationship of mine and hers was what kick started her becoming a happier and healthier person, than it was worth it.
ItsOK Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 (edited) Deleted, just saw last post. Edited July 27, 2012 by ItsOK
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