I can afford to travel, boyfriend can't....do I still go? Continued...

July 26, 2012

Other thread got closed because people got immature.

Continuation:

Chphan wrote:

And this is what love and a strong commitment to a good relationship is all about.

It never works out if your work is more important to you than your relationship.

I am in love with my work like how some people are in love with their wives/husbands. I already know in my heart I will never love a man as much as my work.

Brahmabull117 wrote:

So the guy you were saying that you're not really all that attracted to is too poor to do the things you want?

Why are you dating him again? Go find the stud who makes a good living. Let's all be honest, that's what you really want (nothing wrong with that). Why date somebody you don't even seem all that interested in?

Before I lowered my standards, this is exactly the kind of man I was looking for. What happened?

I was accused of having standards too high, being a gold digger (because I want a man with money so he can travel) and apparently wanting a good looking guy is "unrealistic".

That's why i'm not dating "studs that make a good living". If that's what I look for, I am put down for being so many nasty things that i'm not. And these accusations are mostly from men.

Then they blame women for settling for them when they aren't what she wants. Apparently what she wants makes her "entitled" and she is put down by any man who isn't her ideal (which are most because everyone's ideal is different).

So why am I dating him? Because if I don't, I will be the single b*tch who wants a man who doesn't exist because these days, men want to be loved for things other than what they can afford to do and how they look.

They don't realize that a woman wants a powerful, successful and good looking man. These things are only "unrealistic" because most men are poor, fat slobs who don't know how to take care of themselves and their life.

Edited July 26, 2012 by Leopard

July 26, 2012

Which men are these that are accusing you for your choices in Rs? I hope you're not making such big life decisions based on what posters on internet forums are saying, because I swear I have never heard a man make such comments to a woman about her relationships IRL, ever.

July 26, 2012

No no, online doesn't count.

Generally in life when I meet men, they often ask what I look for in a guy. I am very honest (although not blunt) with my answers, and they usually respond with something along the lines of "That's very hard to find".

They don't accuse me necessarily because they aren't hiding behind a computer, but I understand what they mean when they say "hard to find". Needless to say I don't hear from most of those men afterwards.

July 26, 2012

When I was in my 20's I went to work in another country for a 6 month contract, leaving behind my boyfriend whom I loved. He loved me, too. He was very wrapped up in what he was doing in life and neither of us thought we'd have trouble staying true. But he ended up sending me a "dear John" letter about 4 months in. He was very lonely and a pretty amazing new girl had come to town …

It really hurt my feelings and I cried a lot. But I was still glad I took that once in a lifetime opportunity. I NEVER thought I would end up marrying that boyfriend. We were going to part, ultimately. It would have been very sad if I had not gone to Japan at that time in favor of that relationship, as much as it meant to me then. I did the right thing.

July 26, 2012

If the posts do not address the topic in the title, the thread will be deleted and posters infracted and/or suspended. I'm seeing inflammatory content in the OP, both in quotes and responses, which surely does not address the topic title.

It's not hard. We're adults.

July 26, 2012

Other thread got closed because people got immature.

Continuation:

Chphan wrote:

I am in love with my work like how some people are in love with their wives/husbands. I already know in my heart I will never love a man as much as my work.

Brahmabull117 wrote:

Before I lowered my standards, this is exactly the kind of man I was looking for. What happened?

I was accused of having standards too high, being a gold digger (because I want a man with money so he can travel) and apparently wanting a good looking guy is "unrealistic".

That's why i'm not dating "studs that make a good living". If that's what I look for, I am put down for being so many nasty things that i'm not. And these accusations are mostly from men.

Then they blame women for settling for them when they aren't what she wants. Apparently what she wants makes her "entitled" and she is put down by any man who isn't her ideal (which are most because everyone's ideal is different).

So why am I dating him? Because if I don't, I will be the single b*tch who wants a man who doesn't exist because these days, men want to be loved for things other than what they can afford to do and how they look.

They don't realize that a woman wants a powerful, successful and good looking man. These things are only "unrealistic" because most men are poor, fat slobs who don't know how to take care of themselves and their life.

I believe this is on topic...

Someone who is ambitious enough to grow with you (and that includes having the money to pay their own way to travel with you) is a very healthy standard as I see it.

Someone who whines because he is afraid you'll outgrow him does not make for a suitable partner. No matter what the Lovable Losers on here might say.

Leopard, why don't you go for what YOU want. Saying that you went for your boyfriend because you were shamed for your previous standards is a sad sad statement. What about making your own decisions in life?

I prefer a woman who is athletic and in really good shape. I get that I am ruling out 85% of women easy. That's OK. I'll stay single if I have to. Why? Because I know what it is like to be out and having someone whom I'm not that into who is over me, while there is another girl there whom I have a hard time keeping my eye off. That is not happiness to me. I'd rather be alone.

Edited July 26, 2012 by Imajerk17

July 26, 2012

I'd rather be alone.

I would not I have been lonely for far too long.

July 26, 2012

I would not I have been lonely for far too long.

Out of curiousity, how did you meet your current guy?

July 26, 2012

I would not I have been lonely for far too long.

Have you been plagued with Frustrated Standards?

July 26, 2012

No no, online doesn't count.

Generally in life when I meet men, they often ask what I look for in a guy. I am very honest (although not blunt) with my answers, and they usually respond with something along the lines of "That's very hard to find".

They don't accuse me necessarily because they aren't hiding behind a computer, but I understand what they mean when they say "hard to find". Needless to say I don't hear from most of those men afterwards.

What I think is happening is you are making unrealistic expectations on a man you want. Its very common nowadays....they want prince charming to come and rescue them. Many women feel they dont want to "settle" for someone thus they pass over MR 85% looking for mr 110%

two things I suggest you read....

"Have him at hello" by Rachel Greenwald

"Marry Him" by Lori Gotleib

Im sure on your dates you are loking for fults...not their strengths.

July 26, 2012

Out of curiousity, how did you meet your current guy?

I was out with a girlfriend and he approached me. Initially I wasn't interested but we all hung out as a group just for company. He kept pursuing me and then I eventually agreed to date him.

Have you been plagued with Frustrated Standards?

My standards aren't that high but since I was single for such a long time, I lowered them anyways. I'm not unhappy because i'm not alone. Yes, I would rather date a guy with XX qualities on top of the great ones my bf has, but no one is perfect.

July 26, 2012

What I think is happening is you are making unrealistic expectations on a man you want. Its very common nowadays....they want prince charming to come and rescue them. Many women feel they dont want to "settle" for someone thus they pass over MR 85% looking for mr 110%

two things I suggest you read....

"Have him at hello" by Rachel Greenwald
"Marry Him" by Lori Gotleib

Im sure on your dates you are loking for fults...not their strengths.

I think it's the contrary. I always see the good in people and never their flaws. Maybe that's why I put myself in bad dating situations all the time.

July 26, 2012

Well obviously every woman wants powerful, successful and good looking and each and everyone one of these things is subjective, but I doubt that for any woman power and success means being limited to the confines of a basement in both finances and ambition.

July 26, 2012

Other thread got closed because people got immature.

You were not completely innocent of this either.

I am in love with my work like how some people are in love with their wives/husbands. I already know in my heart I will never love a man as much as my work.

Does he know this and accept it ?

I was accused of having standards too high, being a gold digger (because I want a man with money so he can travel) and apparently wanting a good looking guy is "unrealistic".

Oh c'mon, don't victimise yourself.

Since when is LS an active poll in what you should and you should not do in your life.

Ppl make suggestions, some more enthusiastic then others but in the end nobody put a gun to your head to force you in making a choice.

That's why i'm not dating "studs that make a good living". If that's what I look for, I am put down for being so many nasty things that i'm not. And these accusations are mostly from men.

You were called a cake eater by women too.

Then they blame women for settling for them when they aren't what she wants. Apparently what she wants makes her "entitled" and she is put down by any man who isn't her ideal (which are most because everyone's ideal is different).

There is a huge difference between settling across the board and on one thing.

So why am I dating him? Because if I don't, I will be the single b*tch who wants a man who doesn't exist because these days, men want to be loved for things other than what they can afford to do and how they look.

They don't realize that a woman wants a powerful, successful and good looking man. These things are only "unrealistic" because most men are poor, fat slobs who don't know how to take care of themselves and their life.

So, men who call you names are bad, immature, infantile but if you put most men in a cathegory of poor, fat slobs, who can't take care of themselves and their life, you are a fine human being ?

William, are you kidding me ???

---

I told you before [you avoided my posts and others there like a plague], you are cake eating.

You are with him in a casual relationship, you don't love him while he loves you.

Working to a common goal in a relationship is good, can be done, your youth is not on it's last legs.

I initially told you to not go, then the users started mentioning how half-assed your relationship is ... now i think you should go.

No guy wants to be settled for, we don't want you to settle for us, if we have a choice between this and forever jerking off ... we will take the jerking off and we will handle it better than you.

Go for it, but don't lie to yourself ... you know i actually LOL when i read that you 'even cried over this' dilemma.

Everyone in this world will try to lie to you, if you do it too ... you will have nobody to watch your back.

July 26, 2012

I think it's the contrary. I always see the good in people and never their flaws. Maybe that's why I put myself in bad dating situations all the time.

Yeah, why don't you read your last thread again.

There are women there who stood up for your BF more than you did, and you are in a relationship with him.

July 26, 2012

I'm settling in the looks and finances aspect. Otherwise he has all the qualities I want. If I find a hot rich guy, doesn't mean i'll be happy with him just because he has the two qualities I always settle for. (Then again, I wouldn't know. Haven't met one )

And yes, he loves me more than I love him. So what? There is no such thing as completely equal love between two people.

For the record, more people settle than find their "ideal". For those that don't settle, I have seen them post about how they are still alone at a much older age (50+).

July 26, 2012

I am willing to be dollars to donuts this poster Leopard is of the Russian descent. I get that feeling. If you are so in love with work and can never love a man why waste anyones time ?

I am Estonian.

Just because I am in love with my work doesn't mean I don't crave companionship and a relationship.

Just because people are in love with their partners doesn't mean they should "not work" because they don't love it as much.

July 26, 2012

So why am I dating him? Because if I don't, I will be the single b*tch who wants a man who doesn't exist because these days, men want to be loved for things other than what they can afford to do and how they look.

Oh please, stop, just stop. You really want us to believe that you "lowered your standards" because of what people think?

They don't realize that a woman wants a powerful, successful and good looking man.

Then you better be Jessica Alba is all I have to say.

These things are only "unrealistic" because most men are poor, fat slobs who don't know how to take care of themselves and their life.

And of course you are just all that and a bag of chips. Conceited much?

As far as the title of the previous thread, here you go. As a man, if I could afford to travel and my significant other couldn't, if I didn't treat her to a trip, I'd be considered a pig.

Maybe its different for women. I don't know. So much for equality.

July 26, 2012

No no, online doesn't count.

Generally in life when I meet men, they often ask what I look for in a guy. I am very honest (although not blunt) with my answers, and they usually respond with something along the lines of "That's very hard to find".

They don't accuse me necessarily because they aren't hiding behind a computer, but I understand what they mean when they say "hard to find". Needless to say I don't hear from most of those men afterwards.

And I don't blame them. Most men don't want a woman that is impossible to please. Men are willing to give a woman they are interested in every consideration they are capable of providing. But not that.

July 26, 2012

And yes, he loves me more than I love him. So what? There is no such thing as completely equal love between two people.

Yes, but some disparities are much greater than others...

I don't understand what your purpose of continuing this thread is, TBH. You want to go. The majority of posters have told you that you should go and break up with your bf, albeit for differing reasons. Still, the essential outcome is the same. So, what's stopping you?

July 26, 2012

Oh please, stop, just stop. You really want us to believe that you "lowered your standards" because of what people think?

No. I lowered them because I was sick of being single.

July 26, 2012

No. I lowered them because I was sick of being single.

Thats not what you said. Here it is again:

So why am I dating him? Because if I don't, I will be the single b*tch who wants a man who doesn't exist because these days, men want to be loved for things other than what they can afford to do and how they look.

And just listen to yourself with the bolded part. Who DOES want to be loved because of money or looks? Love has nothing to do with looks or money. If you love someone with both, then its a plus I suppose, but of course people want to be loved for non-superficial aspects. Otherwise, it isn't love.

Edited July 26, 2012 by nofool4u

July 26, 2012

So very Frustrated.

July 26, 2012

I am in love with my work like how some people are in love with their wives/husbands. I already know in my heart I will never love a man as much as my work.

OK, accept that, and that you can afford to travel and your current boyfriend can't, then travel, then accept the relationship result as self-evident, whatever it is. If it's a miss, it is.

You may meet a man with a similar perspective and find an equitable arrangement which works for you and he as a couple. If this man isn't him, keep looking, and traveling.

July 26, 2012

So very Frustrated.

Oh wow, I should have clocked! . I never pictured her as the settling type.....

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I can afford to travel, boyfriend can't....do I still go? Continued...

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