Drumlegend Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 My ex girlfriend and I randomly met online. It was really weird how we met and we both decided that it seemed like fate as we weren't actually looking for anyone at the time. After that we just got on like a house on fire, we would always skype, draw pictures and write letters. She would come to mine 2 weekends a month and we would go out and do new things and it was perfect. Of course we did have some little arguments but nothing serious. We had planned our future and it felt amazing, I felt like a kid again, I was so alive. She accepted that I have bi polar and she accepts everything about me. One evening out of the blue she told me she wanted a break and I freaked out but she told me she was going out to clear her head with her best friend, I had to hound her for ages and she finally answered her phone. She was going out to get drunk and I told her if she did anything then we would be over. ( She had been to a funeral that week and needed to wind down I think) I was then told the next day that she had bumped into the first guy she ever slept with and she spoke to him for a few hours but she was scared how I would react. But we are both honest and we tell each other how we think. She told me that she wanted the break because she wanted to get the feelings out of her head and make sure she didn't have feelings for her. We sorted it out and then a few days later we broke up due to a few things and she told me that she needed space. I couldn't handle this and I hounded at her again. We spoke on the phone at night and she was in tears telling me she loved me and didn't want to lose me but she wanted me as her real boyfriend not her distant one. After that I left her alone for a day but couldn't cope with not talking to her. I spoke to her today and she says she still doesn't think its a good idea getting back together but she doesn't know why she is doing. She told me she has no idea why she is feeling like this and that I made her so happy so it doesn't make sense to her. She then said that she would probably regret it in a month. I told her if she wanted me to let go and she said I want you to be happy and not hurting. But she hasn't once told me to back off or that there is no chance again. I keep holding onto all these pieces of hope and it's getting me down but I want her back. I told her that I would fight for her but is it worth it? Any advice? Sorry it's so long
nickk Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Hey mate, Sorry about your break up. I have some questions though. How long did you guys date? You say that she wanted a break because she had to clear her head, clear her head of what? Anyway, all I tell you is that you need to give her some space. I know it's hard to keep yourself from contacting her. Try keeping yourself busy, do something you like doing. Concentrate on yourself, set some goals and work towards it. You will definitely feel better in a while. Wait for a couple of weeks and If you still miss her a lot, just drop her a text asking her how's she's been. If she really likes you she will definitely reply. Don't worry if she doesn't. Wait for a couple more weeks and do the same thing. Let's say she answers your text, start a casual chat, tell her what you've been up to, but never talk about the breakup. Avoid texting her every other day. Ignore her for a bit. She will definitely get in touch with you when she feels down or misses you. And please don't beg or plead her to take you back. As far as your question about fighting for her goes, you need to ask yourself that question. Coz you know her better than anyone here. Is she worth the wait and the effort? Do you see yourself happy with her but also do you see her happy with you. Because mate, relationship is not about one person. It's about both of you. Give it sometime and everything will be fine. I too broke up with my girlfriend a week ago and trust me, I'm hurting like crazy but I have decided to stay positive and not give up on us. The relationship she and I had was too special to just walk away. I will continue to work towards the goals I had set when I was with her. Alright then mate, all the very best to you. Hope you get back to your girl. Keep me updated. Have a good one!!
FitChick Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 How far away does she live? Why was she the one always visiting you and you never went to her? Is there a chance one of you would move?
Author Drumlegend Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 She lives 200 miles away, it's 4 hours on the train and we switch turns paying. It was hard for me to go down there because I worked Friday nights so I would have to go on the Saturday and then come back on the Sunday, where as she would come on the Friday. It seemed pointless and expensive to stay just for one day. We spoke about moving and she wanted to but then she got a promotion which I was happy about but it meant she had no reason to move. She said the only way we could work would be if I lived closer but she couldn't ask me to do that.
Author Drumlegend Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Hey mate, Sorry about your break up. I have some questions though. How long did you guys date? You say that she wanted a break because she had to clear her head, clear her head of what? Anyway, all I tell you is that you need to give her some space. I know it's hard to keep yourself from contacting her. Try keeping yourself busy, do something you like doing. Concentrate on yourself, set some goals and work towards it. You will definitely feel better in a while. Wait for a couple of weeks and If you still miss her a lot, just drop her a text asking her how's she's been. If she really likes you she will definitely reply. Don't worry if she doesn't. Wait for a couple more weeks and do the same thing. Let's say she answers your text, start a casual chat, tell her what you've been up to, but never talk about the breakup. Avoid texting her every other day. Ignore her for a bit. She will definitely get in touch with you when she feels down or misses you. And please don't beg or plead her to take you back. As far as your question about fighting for her goes, you need to ask yourself that question. Coz you know her better than anyone here. Is she worth the wait and the effort? Do you see yourself happy with her but also do you see her happy with you. Because mate, relationship is not about one person. It's about both of you. Give it sometime and everything will be fine. I too broke up with my girlfriend a week ago and trust me, I'm hurting like crazy but I have decided to stay positive and not give up on us. The relationship she and I had was too special to just walk away. I will continue to work towards the goals I had set when I was with her. Alright then mate, all the very best to you. Hope you get back to your girl. Keep me updated. Have a good one!! I know it sounds silly but it was only 3 months, we are starting to fall in love with each other which is why it is so much harder to let go. She saw the guy she lost her virginity too and she wasn't sure if she had feelings for him. She wanted to clear her head to get them feelings out. We spoke the next day and she told me it was just old memories popping up. Each day I keep hoping that she will get in touch and ask how I'm doing but if she does I'm thinking I will just tell her to not bother texting me unless it's about getting together. She is worth the effort but she has broken my heart and she messed me about near the end so I don't know anymore. I thanked her for making me feel so happy and I hoped she would find happiness. She said she was happy with me and she doesn't understand why she is breaking up and that she would probably regret it in a month. I think she is just giving me false hope which makes it even harder. It feels like she only said all that stuff because she pitys me and she is scared that I will turn back to my old ways and self harm which I never would. When we were together she looked very happy, she has never been comfortable around people and never been able to sleep anywhere but her own bed but she said she is able to with me and she felt safe and she thought I wad the "one". I'm sorry about your break up though. I hope you two get back together as well.
justwhoiam Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 How old are you both? I guess she needs someone who's there for her. And the feeling, 3 months into it, is probably not strong enough.
Author Drumlegend Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 She is 20 and I am 21. I have always been there but I know what you mean. Not physically. I don't think she was strong enough and couldn't handle the distance where as I can. Some people can't have it I guess. It was a good run though and I've never grown attached to someone as much as I did with her. I guess it was because we had so much on common and we did a lot together when she was here.
justwhoiam Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 You're both so very young... that it's really difficult to make a decision. Ten years ago, I would have told you: go get her, don't let her go, do your best to keep her. Now, honestly, I'm older, and I say: you have so many people to meet in your life, I'm just not sure she's the one for you. Also, it sounds like your first love and that rarely coincides with your life love. So if you can, enjoy the Summer.
Author Drumlegend Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 Thank you so much for that advice :-) I know I need to move on and I will. I need to finish my studies anyway. I tried everything I could and I treat her so well so I tell myself it'd her loss. At the end of the day, I got a job so I could pay for her to get up here. Thank you again. 1
Author Drumlegend Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 She text me before, it was weird because I was upstairs talking to myself about the situation (I find it hard to concentrate when anxious so I go away to talk it out to mtself) anyway. I come down stairs to see a text off her telling me to let her know I was ok. She worries that I might self harm due to my past but I won't. I replied that I'm fine and that the only reason she should text me on the future is if she wants to get back with me. She replied "I thought you wanted to stay in touch and I replied" I've changed my mind. She just text back with a sad face and that was the last text. Any thoughts? Sorry about the grammar, this website doesn't work well on my smartphone.
IfiKnewThen Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 i think you did really good. stick to what youre doing. do good self talk. keep anger in check, and sadness. you might have more highs and lows. good days and bad. missing her and being anger. thats all normal. when it gets exaggerated its NOT normal. you know this. you sound good actually. you can do this and get through this. you will find happiness and another girl again. everyone in life goes through this. build yourself up. pray. stay strong and be kind to yourself and others. you will get past this. God bless.
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