EasyHeart Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Sure but you can very easily get married without the production of a wedding.You can, but you don't have to.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Dammit, I spent $12,000 at the age of 23 to get the title. The lest someone else could do is go through one of those drive-thru chapels! I did use to joke with my husband that I was too young to be getting married, but he wasn't. I told to call me his "chick on the side." I was joking of course. 1
veggirl Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 It depends on the state you live in.....some states have what are called common law marriages which means if you live in the sam reseidence for 7 tears you are effectivly married for the purposes of inheritence et all. Have you actually done any research on this? First of all, the lines become extremely muddy. You aren't just considered married after 7 yrs. Not to mention, there are few states where it matters at all-this "common law" thing. You can, but you don't have to. Um, your post seemed to be "well weddings are a lot of work so I can see why people call themselves married without getting married" and my point was, don't have a wedding. If people want to get married they will. Especially if you're just waiting or working on logistics for the marriage, eg waiting to finish school, coordinating when all the families can make it to the wedding, figuring out a date that works for the ceremony and honeymoon, etc. Weddings can become a huge production. Those logistics are for a wedding, not a marriage. Marriage is the topic of the OP. 1
Woggle Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Why do people care what others call their relationship? If they are married in their eyes why do they need the government to validate that? I really think relationships would be so much better if marriage stopped being a legal concept. If you want to give power of attorney or whatever to your spouse then fine but the courts should not involve themselves in marriage and divorce. It is clearly not helping the institution of marriage. Lol at people who think that piece of paper means a bigger commitment. Ask Kim Kardashian and Russel Brand about that.
veggirl Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Why do people care what others call their relationship? If they are married in their eyes why do they need the government to validate that? I really think relationships would be so much better if marriage stopped being a legal concept. If you want to give power of attorney or whatever to your spouse then fine but the courts should not involve themselves in marriage and divorce. It is clearly not helping the institution of marriage. Lol at people who think that piece of paper means a bigger commitment. Ask Kim Kardashian and Russel Brand about that. Nice using celebrities as examples Woggle Marriage is a bigger committment than just dating or living together. Um, ask Kim Kardashian and Russel Brand who are divorcing. Kim K's is getting kinda nasty--had she just been dating, it wouldn't be. So...yeah.
Woggle Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Nice using celebrities as examples Woggle Marriage is a bigger committment than just dating or living together. Um, ask Kim Kardashian and Russel Brand who are divorcing. Kim K's is getting kinda nasty--had she just been dating, it wouldn't be. So...yeah. Dating breakups can get nasty as well. I have a feeling that Kristen Stewart and that guy she was with in Twilight with will get nasty. I use celebrities because people know who they are. If I used the many people I know who got divorced like it was nothing nobody knows these people. I am not against marriage because I did it myself but that piece of paper means nothing without the commitment behind it. I would rather a couples who is not legally married but treat other well call themselves spouses than people who cheat on each other and treat other with contempt. What point is getting married if you crap all over the concept of marriage?
veggirl Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Dating breakups can get nasty as well. I have a feeling that Kristen Stewart and that guy she was with in Twilight with will get nasty. I use celebrities because people know who they are. If I used the many people I know who got divorced like it was nothing nobody knows these people. I am not against marriage because I did it myself but that piece of paper means nothing without the commitment behind it. I would rather a couples who is not legally married but treat other well call themselves spouses than people who cheat on each other and treat other with contempt. What point is getting married if you crap all over the concept of marriage? A break up when you are just dating doesn't have the legal implications / splittings that a marriage will have. Sure there may be SOME exceptions, but they are not the rule. Russel Brand is, asfaik, just rolling over and not suing for any $$ from Katy Perry. But considering they were married, he could be doing that. If they were just DATING, he couldn't. "that piece of paper" means your wife has a lot more rights than she would if you were not married. For example if you were critically injured etc. I agree, don't get married if you aren't going to take it seriously. But also don't call yourself married if you're not. The word has a meaning, why can't people just use it how it's meant to be used? 2
pink_sugar Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 My boyfriend's family kind of treated me as disposable, purposely leaving me out of pictures. Occasionally, they would bother to get a picture of us together, but the intent was clear: "We don't want her in our pictures because we don't know if she's sticking around," and that was after years together. Suddenly we got engaged and now we're "all family," I'm included in pictures, I'm called "sister" by his sister (creepy), etc. And I do feel differently now that I'm engaged than I ever did before. Part of that is because I now have more of a solid commitment from him - he sees me in his future, we're going to get married, we will build a family together. Boyfriend/girlfriend is generally a short-term thing: you either move onto more progressive stages, or you break up. Exactly! Before my H and I got married, we went to his parent's vow renewal (which I took the day off work to attend with him) and I was not included in one picture. To this day when I see those pictures I feel the resentment for the same reason.
pink_sugar Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) Dammit, I spent $12,000 at the age of 23 to get the title. The lest someone else could do is go through one of those drive-thru chapels! I did use to joke with my husband that I was too young to be getting married, but he wasn't. I told to call me his "chick on the side." I was joking of course. LMAO! My mother and stepfather got married inside a chapel that DID have a drive-tru. They were together 18 years, so at that point people were like either "about time" or "are you sure?" LOL Edited July 26, 2012 by pink_sugar
EasyHeart Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Those logistics are for a wedding, not a marriage. Marriage is the topic of the OP.Weddings are where you get married. It's not your place to tell other people how to live their lives.
veggirl Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Weddings are where you get married. It's not your place to tell other people how to live their lives. lol I'm not telling anyone how to "live their life". Yeah it annoys me when people who aren't married call themselves married. Cause they aren't. And as I said, words have meanings... why is that so objectionable? And you actually get married by signing the marriage certificate. That doesn't require a wedding. I'm just saying, if you aren't married why call yourself that? 1
Buck Turgidson Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Frankly, I find it pretty funny to hear people insist that marriage is the paperwork. And that people shouldn't call themselves married unless they've filed it. Ridiculous. By that logic, 99% of couples who have ever been married, have never been married. Marriage licenses don't go back to Moses, people. They were first made compulsory in the 1880s. So I suppose that married couples prior to 1880, well, none of them were ever married. Modern marriage licenses began essentially as a means to prohibit interracial marriage and promote eugenics. Today, they are used as a means to bar gays from marriage. Before 1880, the state pretty much just took your word for it that you were married, and cohabitation was sufficient evidence that a marriage existed. That's the way it was for 10,000 years or so. That's why it's called "common law" marriage--- because it's the way everyone was married before the statutes requiring a license suddenly arrived in the late 19th century. Even church weddings (which only the super rich could ever afford) were common-law, i.e. no state license was involved. So why would my wife and I get a license? I'm not interested in the barring of interracial or gay marriage, and I'm certainly not a fan of eugenics. What is the purpose of a marriage license? Jack all, that's what, and the state has no damn business in my most personal of affairs. My wife and I are married. Period. The state does not determine that for us, and we don't require or desire its approval. 1
veggirl Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Frankly, I find it pretty funny to hear people insist that marriage is the paperwork. And that people shouldn't call themselves married unless they've filed it. Ridiculous. By that logic, 99% of couples who have ever been married, have never been married. Marriage licenses don't go back to Moses, people. They were first made compulsory in the 1880s. So I suppose that married couples prior to 1880, well, none of them were ever married. Modern marriage licenses began essentially as a means to prohibit interracial marriage and promote eugenics. Today, they are used as a means to bar gays from marriage. Before 1880, the state pretty much just took your word for it that you were married, and cohabitation was sufficient evidence that a marriage existed. That's the way it was for 10,000 years or so. That's why it's called "common law" marriage--- because it's the way everyone was married before the statutes requiring a license suddenly arrived in the late 19th century. Even church weddings (which only the super rich could ever afford) were common-law, i.e. no state license was involved. So why would my wife and I get a license? I'm not interested in the barring of interracial or gay marriage, and I'm certainly not a fan of eugenics. What is the purpose of a marriage license? Jack all, that's what, and the state has no damn business in my most personal of affairs. My wife and I are married. Period. The state does not determine that for us, and we don't require or desire its approval. I hope you and your "wife" never encounter a situation as described by MelodyMatters earlier in this thread. What will you do then if you are not legally married? 2
Woggle Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I hope you and your "wife" never encounter a situation as described by MelodyMatters earlier in this thread. What will you do then if you are not legally married? I agree but these situations should not require a marriage license. I should be able to give power of attorney to anybody I want. Things would be better if the system was not involved in marriage at all. 1
carhill Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 MM's situation, if unmarried, could be easily resolved with couple of simple legal processes, firstly a DPOA health care; secondly, a comprehensive or springing POA for finance. The first costs practically nothing, and just requires a couple of unrelated witnesses. The second, minimal legal fees even if using a lawyer. I recall, when my exW was in the hospital, no one questioned my calling myself her 'husband' with regard to our relationship. No one asked to see a copy of our marriage license. Heck, the court didn't even want that when we divorced. So, if one is a 'wife' or a 'husband' with the proper legal documents in place, even without a marriage license, entities like hospitals will accept or can easily be compelled to accept under threat of lawsuit, the validity of the relationship of the partners. How do I know this? With such documents, I managed the care for someone whom I was not married to and whom was, for all intents and purposes, incompetent. No one could touch my authority without operation of law. Simple as that. I'm a firm believer in the avenue of legal marriage and also firmly believe that each couple has the freedom and prerogative to define 'husband and wife' for themselves. Society may not like it but society doesn't live their lives. 1
Author irc333 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 It's so common up here - and it really annoys me. I do not have a wedding band, but I am legally married. After I got married everyone who doesn't know me well just assumes I am speaking about my common-law "hubby." I consider it tasteless that people who just go from live-in to live-in call each other "hubby" and "wifey." I think it is rather classless. Why would you want to present being married when you have no desire to truly commit? And if you are truly committed then why not get the piece of paper? Why not make it a real thing with all of the joining, risks and rewards attached? One word. Commitmentphobia 1
Author irc333 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 And sometimes, confusing. I've asked, a few times, "Oh, did you guys get married?" Then one or both stare at me like I'm the idiot and say, "No." Then it's awkward. Sorry, I don't know you that well and if I knew you were previously not married, and now you're calling each other that, excuse me for assuming. Yeah, I once was talking to a real cutie that worked at the gym, was actually on a reality show as a Coyote Ugly contestant. The creepy thing was, her fiance' was around almost 20 years older than her, she was 21, and his son was only 2 years younger than her. LOL She said she was engaged, and I go, "Oh really, when?" Her: "Meh, we're in no rush." So what's the point of an engagement, if you're never going to have a date set? Usually, some men do this to use the engagement ring as a "branding iron" of sorts to tell other men to back off.
Radu Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Confirming what irc333 said, but try telling them that ... they won't believe you. Combine it with a 'i am saving the money for our relationship' to not buy an expensive ring [i think like this too], and you got a nice thing going.
veggirl Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 (edited) Okay so what exactly is the point of words if we can all just MAKE UP OUR OWN DEFINITIONS OF THEM? FFS. Guess what! My niece is now married! But my niece is not really my niece! Niece means dog to me! And it's a boy dog! And by married I mean eating his dinner! By dinner I mean breakfast! that's awesome that some people don't get questioned by hospitals or lawyers about their marital status but they could be. Hoping no one will ask though, is not the way to go about things imo. I sure as hell wouldn't feel comfortable with just hoping or having to fall back on LAWSUITS while my partner is potentially dying in a hospital room. Of course POA and whatnot can prevent many issues, but most people don't have that established, married or not, if they are in good health. Edited July 27, 2012 by veggirl 1
Woggle Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I don't think marriage should be a legal status in the first place. The courts should get out of it. If you want to give power of attorney to somebody then do so but if we got the courts out of what has become a very shaky and unstable institution in these times it would save people a whole lot of hassle. How does marriage mean anything when it comes to commitment when you have a 50% divorce rate? 1
veggirl Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I don't think marriage should be a legal status in the first place. The courts should get out of it. If you want to give power of attorney to somebody then do so but if we got the courts out of what has become a very shaky and unstable institution in these times it would save people a whole lot of hassle. How does marriage mean anything when it comes to commitment when you have a 50% divorce rate? But it *is* a legal status, and that's what this thread is about...marriage as it is today. yes you have a point though. 1
Woggle Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 It is but I have less of an issue with a shacking couple calling each other husband and wife than I do a couple that cheats on each other or treats each other with contempt. I don't know why people seem to get more angry at what a couples chooses to call their relationship than they do the people today who constantly crap all over the institution of marriage. I can't blame people who want to keep the lawyers and judges out of what is supposed to be a much more sacred and meaningful union than what it is treated like today.
Pyro Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I don't think marriage should be a legal status in the first place. The courts should get out of it. If you want to give power of attorney to somebody then do so but if we got the courts out of what has become a very shaky and unstable institution in these times it would save people a whole lot of hassle. How does marriage mean anything when it comes to commitment when you have a 50% divorce rate? Then why didn't you and your wife just stay as BF and GF if you feel this way about marriage? Serious question
Woggle Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Then why didn't you and your wife just stay as BF and GF if you feel this way about marriage? Serious question Because she really wanted it and I know we won't crap on the institution. I am pro-marriage but I just think the lawyers and judges do more harm than good. If we are going to reform the system at least make it harder for people to try and destroy each other in a divorce.
carhill Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Okay so what exactly is the point of words if we can all just MAKE UP OUR OWN DEFINITIONS OF THEM? FFS. Guess what! My niece is now married! But my niece is not really my niece! Niece means dog to me! And it's a boy dog! And by married I mean eating his dinner! By dinner I mean breakfast! that's awesome that some people don't get questioned by hospitals or lawyers about their marital status but they could be. Hoping no one will ask though, is not the way to go about things imo. I sure as hell wouldn't feel comfortable with just hoping or having to fall back on LAWSUITS while my partner is potentially dying in a hospital room. Of course POA and whatnot can prevent many issues, but most people don't have that established, married or not, if they are in good health. Read up on the Terri Schiavo case. I think you'll find it enlightening. Regardless of one's 'status', there are always going to be those who challenge it. It's part of life. One has choices. As an example, my mom established and later updated the documents I and my lawyer relied upon a full 20 years prior to 'needing' them. She didn't have to. She was as healthy as any 60 year old in good health. She envisioned a day when she wouldn't be and made the choice. Had she remarried or had a long-term partner, we would have re-visited the process to update it reflecting her change in circumstances. Her partner wouldn't have to 'marry' her legally to have standing. They, as we, as I, as you, have choices.
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