Lisa_Lisa Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 My backstory: Known him for years. Got reacquainted in January when I visited Chile. LDR for 4 months. Broken up with 1.5 month ago. NC 1 month. I hacked into my ex's Facebook while we were still going out because my women's intuition was telling me something was going on. I found messages between him and a couple of girls where he was saying 'my love' and talking real sweet to them, basically the way he'd talk to me. One in particular was this girl who told him 'I love you' and he said it back. I suddenly felt sick because I truly thought I was the only one he loved. I tried to confront him about it without letting him know what I discovered. This girl had written on his wall and put up a heart so I said I was going to confront her. He sent her a message 'if bittersweet asks you to be friends on Facebook, don't accept her. I'll tell you later why.' Reading that pissed me the eff off, but I went ahead and told her: I don't know who you are, but you should know that he and I are in a relationship, blah, blah, blah, basically telling her to stay away.' I also sent her a conversation between he and I in case she didn't believe me. It was very detailed. It included him thanking G*d for having me in his life and how he couldn't wait to be with me and start our future together. She wrote me back and told me they were just friends. I knew it was total bullcrap, but I still couldn't confess to my hacking his page. I finally broke down and did confess, and luckily, he didn't change his password. I was still able to log in. But then things started to go from bad to worse and he broke up with me cause of my jealousy, fighting all the time, and negativity (of course being negative meant not handing over my money to him). She chatted me up last night and told me the truth: he said he loved her, wanted to marry her, and even wanted her to go down to Chile and live with him. And she was going to do it, too, in July. But the message I sent her made her do a double take. She said she had no idea she was a girlfriend to someone who already had a girlfriend. He didn't want to make their relationship public until after she moved there. He also didn't want to make our relationship public until it was time for him to move to the States. The thing is, even though she told me the truth - the truth I already knew - I don't believe her when she says it's over between them. But she knows she can never trust him. And he'll never be faithful to just one girl. He's a gigolo, a player, a sociopath. She said what they had started in May and she started pulling away from him slowly. So this mofo must have gotten tired of me asking for my money all the time that he was going to dump me for her sooner or later. Maybe that's what he had in mind anyways. I just can't believe he'd play us like that. And for some reason, I still can't trust her. If I find out she's in Chile she's going to have to answer to me.
KatZee Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) If I find out she's in Chile she's going to have to answer to me. Ok... and this would accomplish what? You're not still dating this guy. You're not her mother, not even a friend. You found out what you already knew was going on. He was playing you. According to you he's a "player, a gigolo, a sociopath." So why should this other girl answer to you? She didn't wrong you in any way, she didn't even know you existed. That's her business if she stays with him and moves to Chile to forgive and try to make it work. She'll learn soon enough what kind of guy he is. You'll just look like the psycho ex. Yeah, you're hurt. But she didn't do anything but be honest with you. Leave it alone. Stop hacking into his Facebook page. Move on with your life. Edited July 26, 2012 by KatZee 1
Author Lisa_Lisa Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 I know I should, it's just the pain is so raw right now.
fucpcg Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I hacked into my ex's Facebook while we were still going out because my women's intuition was telling me something was going on. I suddenly felt sick because I truly thought I was the only one he loved.. Quite the contradiction.
Jono85 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 geez what more do u have to see to let go?? time to look yourself in the mirror and think about what you feel you are worth. it's sad u are still pursuing this chick, and bothering with this dude. maybe it's time to strive to be a quality woman again..
Author Lisa_Lisa Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 I am a quality woman. I know what I'm worth. But this guy was just so charming and swept me off my feet that I let my guard down and let him in. And I just got this news last night. Up until then I had started to believe this girl really was just a friend until she 'fessed up. But I had no idea she was going to move there to be with him or that he was asking her to do it. That's what hurt me. Plus I know they're still talking. There were some inconsistencies in her story, i.e., time frames and dates. I told her even if you did go, he'd cheat on you and make you suffer. We both know this now. My last comment was out of anger. We all go through this when someone we thought we could put our trust in has betrayed us. I'm progressing with NC, but last night brought a whole new set of hurt feelings into my heart. I know in maybe 2-3 months I should be completely over this, but right now I'm still reeling from the news.
KatZee Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Plus I know they're still talking. So? And what if they are? You're hurt because you thought you had something you didn't. The sooner you start to grasp this, the sooner you'll start to move on. You miss and you are sad over what you thought you had, not what you really had. So it really doesn't matter if there are "inconsistencies" in her story, or if they're still talking. That's HER choice to make, and her path to walk down. Start forging your own path. One that doesn't involve stalking exes, or looking for deeper meaning of words, messages. It's fine to be hurt, but you're doing yourself no favors by continuing to dwell.
2sunny Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 WHY would you give HIM money? How much did you give him? He may be a scam artist. Either way - he may be scamming lots of women for money. Happens a lot!
Zammo25 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 The other Woman has done nothing wrong. You should feel sorry for her rather than threaten to sort her out. " If I find out she's in Chile she's going to have to answer to me. "
Author Lisa_Lisa Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 He sold me a fantasy and I bought it. He did the same to her - she never even met him in person. Yes, he's a scam artist. He seduces women and girls to feel loved and/or get material things. I know it shouldn't matter to me whether they end up together or not. I know I should start forging my own path - and I will. But healing takes time, and a heck of a lot of effort to stop thinking about him. I wrote that last comment out of anger. It was what I was feeling at the moment. I don't think that I'd go through with it, especially if I'm over this in 2-3 months time. It just hurts right now.
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