screwedup Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 I`ve dated my MM for one year and things were ok.It was a lot of fun and sex etc...and he felt a lot for me....then all the sudden he decides to break up saying that he needs to spend time with his wife.It was obvious that he was suffering for the break up.We met few times. Tan after 4 months we came back together and it was great but after 2 weeks he texts me that it is better not to see each other anymore because he just does not want to. Now we kept contact and we went out few times and nothing happened. I am glad we remained " friends" and we keep in touch. But two weeks ago he showed me he wants us to be lovers again. Now, there is no one in this world more attractive for me, but I just do not want repeat the same mistake. Can someone please explain to me what is going on in his head? Because I feel confused and I am afraid I`m going to surrender to him again. Should I? Is this love ?
sinner Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 You're on the affair's downhill side. Once you break-up, as you and your MM have done twice, the relationship never returns to those blissful, ecstatic early days. You'll probably f#ck him a few more times. But I guarantee that it won't be anything like the good old days. The pattern is set: MM gets horny; MM f#cks you; MM feels guilty and dumps you for the poor spouse; MM gets horny, again; MM f#cks you, again; MM dumps you, again. And so on, and so on--until the final end. You've become a sexual outlet, not a lover. For the MM, you're a bargain: Much cheaper than a pricey escort service.
screwedup Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 And that`s it? what if I don`t want to f*** him? what if he has feelings for me? what if I play hard to get, turn him on and just leave him there all horny? wht you other peole think about this?
SuperLurker Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 Wow, it sounds like he's got you wrapped around his finger. Quickest fix for this? Tell him he has 3 days to tell his wife what's been going on-or you will-and see how quickly he drops you like a hot potato. It's going to hurt, but you need the wool pulled back from your eyes concerning this man. He. Is. Not. In. Love. With. You. And he never was. You were a diversion for him-this will be proved by how fast he backpedals at the mention of him leaving his wife for you. Not that you're unworthy, he just never planned to give up his comfy little arrangement in the first place.
The_Analyzer Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 Sounds like he is playing you like a fiddle. He wants his cake and eat it to. Wants the security and homelife he has with the wife and then you on the side to run to whenever things get rough at home. I'm sure you have feelings for him and may have some for you, BUT, you need to ask yourself if him acting like this is worth it. Is it worth your time, energy, feelings and most of all sanity to continue on like this. its not a relationship, well, yes I guess it is, a relationship of convinence, for him. Maybe you need to sit down and ask him what he really wants. If he says he doesn't want to be with you, then cut all ties. Don't give in to his wishy washyness. Personally I think you should cut all ties anyway, its not healthy. Best of luck.
screwedup Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 Thank you people. But honestly, It is so hard to stop thinking about him. It`s kind of addiction for me.
yogurtu Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 That's exactly what it is, screwdup, an addiction! Just like alcohol, drugs, gambling, or any other thing. And it will only get worse for you and easier for him if you continue to enable his addiction. Your only chance is checking yourself into detox, which means cutting all ties with him, get all the support you can muster from friends, family, church, etc., and stay out of this sick relationship for good. It's going to hurt at first, but you'll end up really screwed up and with a lot more pain in the long run. Yogurtu
fanou22 Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 Asking too many "what ifs" will lead you nowhere. Take it from an OW. You already broke up with him, go with that. He may care about you but don't let him dictate you and your feelings. You don't want to be his toy at his beck and call. Everybody will tell you it is hard to stop thinking about him. It is never easy. Yes it is an addiction because when you are in such a relationship you are not trying to impress the MM. You know he already is there. Mind games will keep you tangled into his web. You have to ask yourself: Do you want to be in such a relationship? Are you happy in this relationship? Obviously you are not if you are asking these questions. I tried breaking up with my MM but I failed. I know that I have to go with it one day. I drove myself crazy thinking about tons of things when I decided not to see him anymore. But I also knew that I was breaking up with him because I had to not wanted to. I know the day will come for me when I want to leave him and not have to leave him.
yogurtu Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 And remember that this type of relationship may become as much of an addiction to the OW as it is to the MM. He may not have the will power to break it off, either. Please stay put, you're infatuated and that's why you can't stop thinking about him. It'll cool off eventually; it's not the end of the world, you deserve much better than a MM. Take it from a MM. Yogurtu
screwedup Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 Yeah I know, but sometimes I just feel this need to have sex with him.so oooo strong
ww Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Because, no offense but you behave really childish.Decide what you want to do in first place, whether it is just sex and fun or feelings. Anyway I think you should move on and let go of this strange relationship because it is not going to end up good anyhow. That`s just my opinion.
OW on the brink Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 I have been the OW for 10 years. I waited for my MM's kids to grow up, for his job to stabilize and now have had it. There are no more excuses for him not leaving. He is a surrogate dad to my 14 year old son whose real dad doesn't even call him. I plan to leave in October and have told him this. He still says he is not ready to leave his house but can't explain his fear around leaving. His wife is like a sister to him but he seems to still not be ready. What is the problem? Any MM out there who can explain this ? I know his love for me is true and he has spent about 1/2 his time at my house for the last 8 years. He has been feeling sick about me leaving. I am so frustrated and amazed at his lack of ability to leave. Please comment.
yogurtu Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 Originally posted by OW on the brink I have been the OW for 10 years. I waited for my MM's kids to grow up, for his job to stabilize and now have had it. There are no more excuses for him not leaving. He is a surrogate dad to my 14 year old son whose real dad doesn't even call him. I plan to leave in October and have told him this. He still says he is not ready to leave his house but can't explain his fear around leaving. His wife is like a sister to him but he seems to still not be ready. What is the problem? Any MM out there who can explain this ? I know his love for me is true and he has spent about 1/2 his time at my house for the last 8 years. He has been feeling sick about me leaving. I am so frustrated and amazed at his lack of ability to leave. Please comment. It seems to me that unless he's been lying to you about his love for you and your ability to meet all of his needs, your MM's marriage was over a long time ago. Except for his religious convictions (which at this point would be a joke after 10+ years of adultery), or the fact that he may consider his wife to be too frail physically (is she bed-ridden, handicapped, etc.?) or emotionally (suicidal tendencies, etc.) to be left behind, I see no reason why your MM is still living two lives, when it would be simpler to just live one, next to the only woman he loves. Something is wrong with this picture, and unfortunately for your MM he will finally have to make a choice which will show his true colors about you and about his wife. I admire your courage to make the decision to leave your MM after so many years of life together. Hang in there, and good luck to you. Yogurtu
unluckylady Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Which is better? Letting the infatuation die down and us drift apart, or end the affair with our hearts ripped out right when it's at its best?
Mr Spock Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Find someone else to hump, and hump them. It's not perfect but the medicine will get you over your MM long enough to realize what a foolish ass you've been (you as in everyone)and then you won't want to embarass yourself by even talking to him.
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