Eternal Sunshine Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) I truly do. I even find myself doing things to sabotage a relationship once I want out. The problem is, once I dump someone, I am so indecisive that I keep going over my decision and in moments of loneliness regretting it. But when I am dumped, it's all taken out of my hands. Somebody else made this decision for me and there is nothing I can do... No regrets, no ifs. Once upon a time, rejection and being dumped made me feel very insecure and it was a huge blow to my ego... I don't really feel this way anymore. Anyone else? Edited July 26, 2012 by Eternal Sunshine
iris219 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I hate being the dumper when the other person is a good person and doesn't deserve to be hurt. I hate it so much, I've put if off for years. When the other person is a complete a-hole, I'd prefer to be the dumper because if he does it first I feel noting but regret that I let him treat me badly and he had the nerve to dump ME on top of that. If it's a causal dating situation, I don't care either way. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 I dunno. For me, it's not about hurting the other person, because I have never dated anyone long term that was really a good person. They were all a-holes but I still thought I preferred that to being alone. Perhaps there is something wrong with people I pick Recently, I had a casual dating situation with someone who wanted much more. I never realized he took it that seriously and I felt horrible for hurting him. At least from what I knew, he was an nice person. That kind of sucked. I have this horrible tendency to go back and forth in relationships that I end.
Dblock10 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 i know what you mean. I've never been the dumper and kind of did it last time but didn't want to and really felt like i was being made to do it, since she was off to travel and basically didn't know what she wanted so left me in a horrible situation and because she is so so indecisive she wouldn't have made the decision she pushed the guilt onto me. i felt like she would have come to a dumping conclusion sooner or later and that i was always in limbo. then once she decided that actually she didn't want a relationship with me whilst she went anyway and that it would ruin her time, and didn't want to make promises for when she returned again so she wouldn't have to feel guilty... oh and she's left again now
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 I dumped my ex twice and asked him back within days... Then the third time, it stuck
stillafool Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I truly do. I even find myself doing things to sabotage a relationship once I want out. The problem is, once I dump someone, I am so indecisive that I keep going over my decision and in moments of loneliness regretting it. But when I am dumped, it's all taken out of my hands. Somebody else made this decision for me and there is nothing I can do... No regrets, no ifs. Once upon a time, rejection and being dumped made me feel very insecure and it was a huge blow to my ego... I don't really feel this way anymore. Anyone else? I've always felt that way. No guilt when you're the one getting dumped. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 I was never in a relationship where being dumped was a surprise. Maybe I would feel differently if that was the case. But I could always read the dynamics and I knew what was coming. I always felt like a huge pressure has been lifted off me rather than devastated.
KatZee Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 When the other person is a complete a-hole, I'd prefer to be the dumper because if he does it first I feel noting but regret that I let him treat me badly and he had the nerve to dump ME on top of that. THIS. THIS. THIS. I am SO angry I was the dumpee. I'M the one who had the reasons to end the relationship. NOT HIM, ME. I'm so angry at myself for putting up with so much of his sh*t when it was clear I was the only one truly invested in trying to make it work. I'm SO angry I made so many excuses for him. I'm SO ANGRY I gave him the benefit of the doubt with EVERYTHING. That I put in so much, invested so much, sacrificed so much, and HE dumps me? Are you kidding me? 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 THIS. THIS. THIS. I am SO angry I was the dumpee. I'M the one who had the reasons to end the relationship. NOT HIM, ME. I'm so angry at myself for putting up with so much of his sh*t when it was clear I was the only one truly invested in trying to make it work. I'm SO angry I made so many excuses for him. I'm SO ANGRY I gave him the benefit of the doubt with EVERYTHING. That I put in so much, invested so much, sacrificed so much, and HE dumps me? Are you kidding me? But who cares who dumped who? Do you realize that it's your ego talking?
k100danny Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I have never dumped anyone in my life. I have only had 3 relationships I would consider relationships and obviously ones as a teen and I have never ended one. I don't know why, i've had times when i've been unhappy, even thought would I be better with someone else but have never dumped anyone and I have never cheated on anyone either. I think this might be something to do with my fear of abandonment.
KatZee Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 But who cares who dumped who? Do you realize that it's your ego talking? I care. I believe in unconditional love. I believe in putting effort into relationships and not running away when things are hard. I don't appreciate people who take advantage of my good nature. Those who lie, deceive, use, cheat, etc. I always look for good in people, and when that gets abused... yeah, I care. If it were easy for me to throw people out of my life like dirty rags, my ex would have been thrown out a year ago. But that's not who I am, despite things he did. And then he had the balls to dump me like I was nothing, after putting 1000000% effort, he acted as if HE had all the right to treat me like a used tissue.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 I care. I believe in unconditional love. I believe in putting effort into relationships and not running away when things are hard. I don't appreciate people who take advantage of my good nature. Those who lie, deceive, use, cheat, etc. I always look for good in people, and when that gets abused... yeah, I care. If it were easy for me to throw people out of my life like dirty rags, my ex would have been thrown out a year ago. But that's not who I am, despite things he did. And then he had the balls to dump me like I was nothing, after putting 1000000% effort, he acted as if HE had all the right to treat me like a used tissue. That's what they all do. People are essentially not good. I am not being pessimistic, but everyone has their own agenda and not your best interests at heart. Once you fail to further their agenda, they will discard you. I have come to accept ths and have extremely low expectations of everyone. I am extremely surprised when someone is decent to me. My ex also was a complete selfish a-hole who ultimately discarded me. I am trying to come to terms with not hating him, but it is very hard However, knowing this, it's your responsibility to protect yourself. You have probably seen many signs of your ex being an a-hole. You could have acted and dumped him yet you chose not to. That's on you. There is a fine line between "working on things" and just plain ol' letting him use you. You need to know where the line is. When I am played and deceived? I blame myself for letting it happen. The only person you really have control of is yourself.
2sure Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I dont care how much youve got going for you, anyone who actively dates long enough will get dumped. Ive been dumped without explanation and Ive dumped guys because I hated their shoes.
KatZee Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 However, knowing this, it's your responsibility to protect yourself. You have probably seen many signs of your ex being an a-hole. You could have acted and dumped him yet you chose not to. That's on you. There is a fine line between "working on things" and just plain ol' letting him use you. You need to know where the line is. When I am played and deceived? I blame myself for letting it happen. The only person you really have control of is yourself. Mine was just very good. He put on a VERY good act. A lot of my realizations of him being an a-hole didn't come until we were together two years. At that point it's like... we had a great two years, what the hell happened? Then the truth started to trickle... he hid a lot from me. He lied. He cheated. He put on a facade. At that point I really did detach so much and I had tried to talk to him numerous times to say we needed to just break for a bit. But he'd ice me out and refuse to talk. He'd put on a show of being so in love. Promising to put in effort. That's why I still have a hard time at times grasping that what I thought I had, really wasn't reality.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I hate being dumped. A lot. I also hate dumping a lot. I think part of the reason my marriage stayed together is that no one wants to dump the other.
Zammo25 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I for one do not like being dumped. I mean it's not a very nice experience really is it ?i
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