snowflake87 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I was on a LDR with a guy for about 10 months, things were going well except that I didn't handle distance pretty well. When he left we agreed, on both terms, to keep dating and see where this all went, we also agreed to be exclusive and if one of us met someone else this would be it. Things were progressing great, we were closer everytime we visited, he called me more often than before, and I was starting to fall in love with him. It was not my imagination that he shared more with me, and that he said things that made me believe that he was feeling something more for me too. I have no idea how, we got into a conversation and he said that he was not sure about this, though he likes me more everyday, he doesn't know if we have a future as a couple. It was devastating for me to hear it, maybe he put it in a way that sounded worse than what he really meant, but in my mind we were dating and just getting to know each other, but if he doesn't see a future then what is the point. He said that nothing has changed and he wants to keep seeing me as usual, but it was a bummer to hear that. I'm on vacation now and he is as well, we will have NC for 3 weeks (not because we agreed on that but because of the circumstances of our trips) and I told him I need time to think about it. The truth is that I really like him and who knows, maybe he changes his mind, maybe I change my mind, only God knows, but I want to really give it a try. The thing is that I don't want to seem that i'm settling for less than what i want and to seem needy and clingy and if there is something i can do to win his "love". PS: I am 100% sure he is not seeing someone else, and that there is no other woman in the offing that made him become "not sure" all of a sudden.
BeachBoy1 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I was on a LDR with a guy for about 10 months, things were going well except that I didn't handle distance pretty well. When he left we agreed, on both terms, to keep dating and see where this all went, we also agreed to be exclusive and if one of us met someone else this would be it. Things were progressing great, we were closer everytime we visited, he called me more often than before, and I was starting to fall in love with him. It was not my imagination that he shared more with me, and that he said things that made me believe that he was feeling something more for me too. I have no idea how, we got into a conversation and he said that he was not sure about this, though he likes me more everyday, he doesn't know if we have a future as a couple. It was devastating for me to hear it, maybe he put it in a way that sounded worse than what he really meant, but in my mind we were dating and just getting to know each other, but if he doesn't see a future then what is the point. He said that nothing has changed and he wants to keep seeing me as usual, but it was a bummer to hear that. I'm on vacation now and he is as well, we will have NC for 3 weeks (not because we agreed on that but because of the circumstances of our trips) and I told him I need time to think about it. The truth is that I really like him and who knows, maybe he changes his mind, maybe I change my mind, only God knows, but I want to really give it a try. The thing is that I don't want to seem that i'm settling for less than what i want and to seem needy and clingy and if there is something i can do to win his "love". PS: I am 100% sure he is not seeing someone else, and that there is no other woman in the offing that made him become "not sure" all of a sudden. Hey Snowflake, I think situations like these are really tricky. When you mix long distance with the changes that come in your 20s and even 30s, there's just no telling what will happen. I don't know that there's anything to do. It's not about doing, it's about allowing. Stay open, communicative and honest with yourself and with him. Through letting go you allow things to happen as they will. Circumstances change but you cannot change the circumstances. If you guys are exclusive, then be exclusive. If you're not, then don't be exclusive There's no right or wrong here, there is only the agreement you have made with each other. I hope that it works out for you guys. Unfortunately, distance is a major obstacle in a relationship, so you should hope for the best but prepare yourself for the possibility that things will not work out. Best
Author snowflake87 Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Thanks for your reply Beachboy! The truth is that I have never been myself with him, not opening up much nor talking or discussing my feelings. I don+t know exactly if this is what he likes the most about me or if this is the reason why he is not 100% sure about our relationship. I have done a lot of thinking and my best shot is to let go, not trying to actively get him nor play games but to be myself. I have to admit that lately I maybe acted very needy, something which I am definitely not in a normal relationship, but the distance was killing me. And to open up and try to have more meaningful conversations with him and to share more about myself.
lemonlime Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 You need to focus on being yourself... What happens if he does start to fall in love with you, and then you turn out to be someone else. Or the much more likely situation of him feeling that theres a disconnect, and being unable to go further due to that. Why would you ever want to be with someone who doesnt know who you really are? This could also be hard for him because you said your sure hes been sharing more with you, but your still hiding aspects of yourself from him.
Author snowflake87 Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 You need to focus on being yourself... What happens if he does start to fall in love with you, and then you turn out to be someone else. Or the much more likely situation of him feeling that theres a disconnect, and being unable to go further due to that. Why would you ever want to be with someone who doesnt know who you really are? This could also be hard for him because you said your sure hes been sharing more with you, but your still hiding aspects of yourself from him. You are right. I havent though been pretending that Im someone better than i am, or trying to hide my flaws, but on the contrary, I am convinced that I have been acting in a way that he might have seen me as being "worse" than I really am. My problem is that I lost my previous boyfriend (he was not exactly a boyfriend but we were dating and it was progresing well) in a car accident all of a sudden, so since then I dont handle closeness really well.
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