miss_jaclynrae Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 There is a guy I have been seeing on and off for about 8 months now and I swear if it wasn't for he fact that he is in total party phase I would SO be exclusive with him. He just always makes my day better. To this day he is the best date I have ever had, and I always look forward to seeing him. Grrrr. I know it is a bizarre situation, because we date, and then stop dating, and then start dating again. We had a whirlwind situation when I first got divorced, and coincidentally he had just gotten divorced as well. We stopped after about 2 months due to things moving too fast and then about 4 months ago we had a spell of going on 5 dates or so and slacked off once I got caught up in work and realized he was in such a different place in his life as me. Don't know why I am posting this, I just wanted to vent. We grabbed coffee this afternoon, and I swear we didn't miss a beat. He asked me out on a second date [this would be the third one] and I can't help but feel that even though we go weeks to months without seeing each other, we will always be aware that we are extremely compatible. I guess I just wished he was more settled, but at the same time I totally can understand him not being so. He just got out of the military, moved back home, and is starting college for the first time. A girl can dream though right?
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Yeah. But she has to make sure that while her head is in the clouds, her feet are firmly on the ground. Don't let fantasy transform your life into a wish-zone. 1
haribogumsnickers Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 That isn't too much of a bummer because the situation could be less favorable. You can dream though which is why you shouldn't be too bummed out. You already know what to do...go with the flow and see where it leads. No expectations, just enjoy yourself and the rest will follow. It sounds like you've been swept off your feet...I mean not accepted reality, temporarily.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Yeah. But she has to make sure that while her head is in the clouds, her feet are firmly on the ground. Don't let fantasy transform your life into a wish-zone. I don't know why but my respect for you just skyrocketed.
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I don't know why but my respect for you just skyrocketed. Don't worry, that happens to me a lot. I'm simply awesome. and very old. 3
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I have to profoundly apologise, but I could have sworn that for an instant, I thought your location said "Call-girl all the way".....!
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 That isn't too much of a bummer because the situation could be less favorable. You can dream though which is why you shouldn't be too bummed out. You already know what to do...go with the flow and see where it leads. No expectations, just enjoy yourself and the rest will follow. It sounds like you've been swept off your feet...I mean not accepted reality, temporarily. He really is a dream. I have been going with the flow for 8 months now, and no complaints. I completely understand. Super cute, but about a few weeks ago he planned a whole date for me at a local museum, and like a lame-o I totally had to cancel last minute due to work. He told me tonight that he had this whole date down to a tee and was pretty upset when I cancelled... I felt terrible! Tonight was fun though, we shared a third "first kiss" while sneaking into a gorgeous courtyard. He knows me so well, that even though I don't expect anything serious anytime soon, it is nice to have a blast with someone who gets me so well.
Emilia Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 We grabbed coffee this afternoon, and I swear we didn't miss a beat. He asked me out on a second date [this would be the third one] and I can't help but feel that even though we go weeks to months without seeing each other, we will always be aware that we are extremely compatible. I guess I just wished he was more settled, but at the same time I totally can understand him not being so. He just got out of the military, moved back home, and is starting college for the first time. If you were that compatible, you wouldn't go on/off with each other all the time. He isn't good for you, you should move on and find a stable guy
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 A friend shared this with me on fantasy, I thought some parts of it may help you: ---------- Fantasy relationships like this are so hard to let go of precisely because they are not real. They lack the unpleasantries of real life. In fact, they lack almost anything that would confront a person with who that person they're dreaming of actually is, and certainly anything bad or anything that would contradict your fantasies. Therefore, they become an empty box that you fill with your dreams, desires, and greatest hopes. That's why it's so hard to give up, because it's 90 percent you. The thing to do is to recognize and reclaim that 90 percent as your own. Like recycling, this will take some processing, and some is harder to recycle than other bits. Much of that energy is your own capacity to love. Notice how similar "being in love" and "caring for someone" feels on your end, no matter who you are with. Reinvest that in your current relationship, or store it in a reserve of hope there. Another portion of that energy may be things you want to become. Maybe he helped bring that side out of you. Identify that and make it a goal you have. (This will feel frustrating, because it was so easy to be X around him, but easy come easy go, so now you have to work.) Another portion might be dreams of what you want from a partner, but that won't be nearly as much of this as you might think. In short, he's just a box where you have stored your hopes and dreams. It's pieces of yourself that you miss, but you can work to get them back.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 If you were that compatible, you wouldn't go on/off with each other all the time. He isn't good for you, you should move on and find a stable guy We really are though. I fully believe though that you can be compatible yet still be at different places in life. That is just me though.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 A friend shared this with me on fantasy, I thought some parts of it may help you: ---------- Fantasy relationships like this are so hard to let go of precisely because they are not real. They lack the unpleasantries of real life. In fact, they lack almost anything that would confront a person with who that person they're dreaming of actually is, and certainly anything bad or anything that would contradict your fantasies. Therefore, they become an empty box that you fill with your dreams, desires, and greatest hopes. That's why it's so hard to give up, because it's 90 percent you. The thing to do is to recognize and reclaim that 90 percent as your own. Like recycling, this will take some processing, and some is harder to recycle than other bits. Much of that energy is your own capacity to love. Notice how similar "being in love" and "caring for someone" feels on your end, no matter who you are with. Reinvest that in your current relationship, or store it in a reserve of hope there. Another portion of that energy may be things you want to become. Maybe he helped bring that side out of you. Identify that and make it a goal you have. (This will feel frustrating, because it was so easy to be X around him, but easy come easy go, so now you have to work.) Another portion might be dreams of what you want from a partner, but that won't be nearly as much of this as you might think. In short, he's just a box where you have stored your hopes and dreams. It's pieces of yourself that you miss, but you can work to get them back. Thank you for this.
haribogumsnickers Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Sweet. See..it isn't so much of a bummer. He's probably feeling the same way. The good thing is that you two share a solid connection. Court yard sneak session sounds awesome..ha. Elaborate on super cute; you mean like Justin Bieber super cute?
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Sweet. See..it isn't so much of a bummer. He's probably feeling the same way. The good thing is that you two share a solid connection. Court yard sneak session sounds awesome..ha. Elaborate on super cute; you mean like Justin Bieber super cute? I mean like super sweet super cute. Looks wise I find him to be very handsome, but his personality and ability to read me so well is what I find most attractive.
haribogumsnickers Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I mean like super sweet super cute. Looks wise I find him to be very handsome, but his personality and ability to read me so well is what I find most attractive. Does he have a brother? I mean sister. Fail.
Leigh 87 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 My partner and I like to party and are in a party phase... We do not do it every week, more like once every couple of months, but if we had the money we would go out every weekend, and go hard. I believe if your really into someone, you will not me tempted to sleep with other people just because you like to " party". Or whatever else it may be called. In our case, we are very social people in general, and are on the lookout for new and exciting people to talk with; instead of the same people all the time. You do not come across as the least bit insecure; yet I guess you still do not trust a lot of alcohol, hot young girls, and the guy you like in gthe same venue? Does is signal that the guy WANTS other girls, just because he likes to party? I have met some very loyal guys who like to go out. They don't cheat.
Leigh 87 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 And may I ask - do you guys get hurt when the other person gets attached? You feel a connection and genuinelly feel like your good together, so it must be upsetting to see each other with other people? Seeing as you both like each other a great deal? I know you are really casual and laid back with dating ( not exclusive= u don't care), so I guess you KNOW the ingredients are there, but have not gotten attached enough to get hurt by each other seeing other people? Surely if your that into a person and have some sort of connection, you would find a way to make it work?
2.50 a gallon Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I am sorry to say, but I suspect that this might be another dead end in life. I too found myself in similar situation. I had just divorced and she had just divorced, and wow did we hit it off and really started falling for each other. She let it be known by the third date that she was really impressed with me, and thought my Ex was a total fool for letting me go. This put a fear in me as I no longer believed in love and no longer trusted women. And shortly thereafter I forced myself to break it off with her. It was only about a year later, when I found out that she still was not dating that I began to realize that perhaps I had made a mistake and tried to reconnect with her, but it was too late, I had blown my chance and now she was like me and no longer trusted men, and especially me.
snug.bunny Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 We really are though. I fully believe though that you can be compatible yet still be at different places in life. Compatible = Able to exist or occur together without conflict. Capable of existing or living together in harmony. Not Compatible = There is a guy I have been seeing on and off for about 8 months now and I swear if it wasn't for he fact that he is in total party phase I would SO be exclusive with him. See?
Emilia Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 We really are though. I fully believe though that you can be compatible yet still be at different places in life. That is just me though. Compatibility would assume that you are at the same stage in your life by definition.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 My partner and I like to party and are in a party phase... We do not do it every week, more like once every couple of months, but if we had the money we would go out every weekend, and go hard. I believe if your really into someone, you will not me tempted to sleep with other people just because you like to " party". Or whatever else it may be called. In our case, we are very social people in general, and are on the lookout for new and exciting people to talk with; instead of the same people all the time. You do not come across as the least bit insecure; yet I guess you still do not trust a lot of alcohol, hot young girls, and the guy you like in gthe same venue? Does is signal that the guy WANTS other girls, just because he likes to party? I have met some very loyal guys who like to go out. They don't cheat. Oh no, it isn't that I am afraid he will cheat, it is that right now he is in the college boy go crazy drinking with the friends every weekend phase, and I am wayyy past that. Just two different levels right now, and I don't think it is wrong, I just want someone who is on my level a bit more. He will probably get there, but he isn't there now and I respect that. Heck, he is only 23, recenly divorced, experiencing freedom after 4 years of giving it up... he SHOULD be going out a ton and enjoying it.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 And may I ask - do you guys get hurt when the other person gets attached? You feel a connection and genuinelly feel like your good together, so it must be upsetting to see each other with other people? Seeing as you both like each other a great deal? I know you are really casual and laid back with dating ( not exclusive= u don't care), so I guess you KNOW the ingredients are there, but have not gotten attached enough to get hurt by each other seeing other people? Surely if your that into a person and have some sort of connection, you would find a way to make it work? We both did the first time we ended it, which is why we didn't talk much other than a phone call every few months. It was 4 months later when we got back in touch and he took me out on another first date. We went on 5 amazing dates and at the time I was dating someone else as well. Even though the dates were great, I couldn't help but still notice that he was at such a different stage. I can't force him to settle down, we get along so well and have so much fun but we just are in different areas in life and that is perfectly OK. His company is always a pleasure and I am sure I will be enjoying it for a while. I am sorry to say, but I suspect that this might be another dead end in life. I too found myself in similar situation. I had just divorced and she had just divorced, and wow did we hit it off and really started falling for each other. She let it be known by the third date that she was really impressed with me, and thought my Ex was a total fool for letting me go. This put a fear in me as I no longer believed in love and no longer trusted women. And shortly thereafter I forced myself to break it off with her. It was only about a year later, when I found out that she still was not dating that I began to realize that perhaps I had made a mistake and tried to reconnect with her, but it was too late, I had blown my chance and now she was like me and no longer trusted men, and especially me. I am sorry. It very well could be a dead end life, but then again, it has been 9 months since we first met and 6 months since we ended the first time we were together. No pressure here, I am just happy that we haven't lost touch. Compatible = Able to exist or occur together without conflict. Capable of existing or living together in harmony. Not Compatible = See? Compatibility would assume that you are at the same stage in your life by definition. Point taken. I guess I should say that other than being at different points, our personalities mesh extremely well.
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