Wait Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Hello everyone. I am in some desperate need for advice. My story is complicated but i'll try to be as brief as possible. I apologize for being scatterbrained and disorganized. 4 years ago I was with a girl who I fell in love with. We had a fantastic relationship and were seemingly perfect for each other. One day, out of the blue, she tells me that she doesn't want to be with me anymore because she was scared of getting too attached for how young we were. Months went by with continued contact until she finally decided to be with me again. Unfortunately, we found ourselves in the same predicament as we were still falling head over heals for each other but she still couldn't handle getting so serious. Our relationship ended for a second time! Now a year or so goes by and she tells me she wants to be with me again as she feels she's ready to settle down and be in a mature, adult relationship; however, being young and stubborn, I refused (after her breaking up with me twice) to get back with her even though I was still in love with her. She's not the type of girl to play games and is wise beyond our years (mid 20s). I know that she was just genuinely scared of getting too attached to me. Fast forward a couple months and I meet a girl who I end up having strong feelings for and decide to try and move on from my ex. Little did I know that it would turn into a 3 year relationship. Now although my relationship with the new girl was great and we got along extremely well, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about my ex and for the first year my ex was still contacting me telling me how in love with me she was. So 2 years into my relationship I decide to write a letter to my ex professing my love for her and stating my regret for not choosing to be with her again. Come to find out that she had since started a relationship with a new guy. She responded to the letter and told me that she couldn't wait for me any longer and that she didn't feel the same anymore. Inevitably I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years because I am still in love with my ex. So here I am a year later after the initial letter and (after 4 years now) still completely, unconditionally in love with my ex. I am single but my ex is with the same guy she was with a year ago. I know that I will never be able to love someone as much as I love her and I want more than anything to be with her again. After many months of contemplating whether or not to send her another letter, i've finally decided that I have nothing to lose. So the other day I sent her the letter below professing my love for her. "Out of respect for you and your boyfriend I have refrained, for months, from sending this letter, but life is way too short to hold anything back. I know we are not the kids we use to be and we have both changed in some way or another, but one thing that has never changed is my love for you. There is not a day that goes by where I don't think about you. Trust me, I know it sounds crazy, but even after all these years I am still undoubtedly in love with you and I want to be with you more than you will ever know. There is just something inside of me that wants you, all of you; to love, to hold, to protect, to care for. I want to lay in bed at night and watch you fall asleep - I want to go for long walks just to hold your hand - I want to be able to look you in the eyes and for you to know that I love you more than life itself. I gave you a letter over a year ago but that was more of an apology than anything. Now, I really need you to know just how much I love you to this day and that I will love you every day for the rest of my life. I would give up everything and do anything to be with you again, to call you mine, and to show you the love and appreciation you deserve. " I know that there's really nothing more I can do now. I've put it all completely out there and now only time will tell. I haven't talked to her since the first letter and she is still with her boyfriend of a year. I just know how much she loved me and there's no way she couldn't still love me. My heart keeps telling me to wait and a part of me knows that we will be together again some day; however, my logical self also realizes that there is a possibility that she may never break up with her boyfriend. Even if she does she may not want to be with me again. Do I wait for her? I feel like if you love someone, then you never give up! Someone give me some guidance!
Author Wait Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Thanks for the reply wilson. The question you pose is definitely an appropriate concern I should be evaluating and I have, in the past, weighed the possibility of this becoming an issue if we were to reconcile. Here's my thoughts on this issue: You'll have to take my word on this, but my ex is one of the most, if not the most, genuine and honest people I have ever met. I was 17 and she was 19 at the time and I can say, without a doubt in my mind, that she was genuinely scared to be getting so attached to someone at such a young age; ergo, she felt the appropriate 'fix' would be to stop dating. Now based solely on the assumption that what I've stated above is true, it would seem that the issue of her 'running away' again should not be considered an issue for future reconciliation as it was strictly conditional upon our age. Thoughts? This sucks.... People say this never happens ever. Especially on these forums. It takes years for people to see the way of their wrong and when they do realize it, its usually too late and the others have already moved on. Choice is up to you as how you choose to proceed from here. For me, I would find someone that measures up. She left twice. Could you trust her years down the road not to leave again. While I know you love her unconditionally, this is an honest question you need to ask yourself deep down. What a lot of people on these forums that are hoping for the same thing you are hoping for and projecting reconciliation, this is the same question they need to ask. The going got tough and they left. Sure they wanted to go out and explore new options as well. Its human nature. But this is going to be a deep hurt later on down the road in a future relationship with your ex if you were to get back together with her. In the back of your mind, would you wonder if she would do it again? Love for yourself should always be greater then your love for someone else. It's ok if they come in a close second.
Author Wait Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Are you suggesting that I shouldn't have sent the most recent letter? The first letter I sent a year ago was apologizing for me turning away from her when she wanted me back the third time . With the letter I sent the other day I wanted to simply put my all my feelings out there and let her know straight up that I want her back in my life. This girl was sincere and absolutely in love with me. I found out recently that she had to go as far as to see a therapist to help her cope with us not being together. My biggest obstacle right now is obviously the fact that she is with someone; however, I think it is entirely possible that she 'settled' for someone after me and still wonders 'what if'. For right now, I am content being single. I have dated a few girls over the past year and it has done nothing but reaffirm my how badly I want my ex back in my life. I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. The only thing that would force me to move on is if she got engaged. Until then...
triphopper414 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I think you should wait until she contacts you, but don't stop living your life. Move on, don't sit by your computer or phone waiting for an email, call or text. You said everything that you needed to say and she has to make up her mind. Contacting her again, won't change anything, it might drive her away.
Author Wait Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 Yeah I'm definitely not going to contact her again until she responds whether it be 2 weeks or 2 years down the road. I've said all I've ever wanted to say and now she knows exactly how I feel and where I stand. In hindsight I am still happy I sent the letter. I've concluded that there are 3 possible outcomes from here: 1. She responds negatively. (Which would suck, but at least I would get some official closure and finally be able to move on with my life) 2. She responds positively. (No explanation needed here obviously ) 3. She doesn't respond at all. 2 is clearly the best case scenario while 1 is the worst. With 3 however I would be content knowing that, if not for anything else, I have planted a seed for the future.
Author Wait Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 (edited) Just wanted to bump this with an update. Received a response after a couple weeks. Definitely not what I hoped for. Looks like all hope is lost. "I'm sorry it took me a while to send my reply but I wanted to be clear in what I wanted to say. Reading your note brought me back to everything that happened and it was a difficult time of my life and i cant believe i would let myself become so pathetic and dependent on another person to make me feel good about myself. While i was able to learn a lot from what happened and became a stronger person, it is something i never want to re-live again. I'm in a happy and healthy relationship with [my boyfriend] and even if i wasn't, i feel that it is inappropriate for you to contact me like this again. I really hope that you are able to find someone who can make you happy." Edited December 9, 2012 by Wait
Quest4_TheLost Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Looks like you got door number 1 .. Sorry, but I hope you really do look at it as positive as possible. You did get your closure. (HUGS)
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