SuperGeek Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 So it turns out that I have had a pile of clothes in my closet that I've been avoiding for a long time. Probably over a year or more since the ex left. I've also moved several times in the past 2 years and the pile has literally just moved from location to location without much attention being paid to it. I now know why! Tonight I finally decided to clean out this closet and take most of the clothes to the consignment shop or donate them. Half way through sorting the pile of clothes I found a dress shirt (a dress top) from my ex some t-shirts a couple of flings (girls I had got with after the ex left) bought me from various countries ( one was from Ireland ). The dress shirt from the ex just hit me really hard and I broke down for a few minutes. I held her shirt in my hands for a few moments, smelled it, remembered the good times, remembered the day she drove away, starred at it, squeezed it, and eventually after some tears threw it in the black trash bag that I'm eventually going to take to the consignment shop tonight. I didn't even know her shirt was in this pile of clothes, but I had suspected a few items were missed when I 'got rid of everything' the week she left me (that involved a huge truck and basically movers to donate everything to charity). It's been almost two years since the breakup and I'm mostly over it but I'm still badly damaged from it. I haven't dated anyone in over a year or had any flings in a long time, so I'm not sure why I felt this surge of emotion. I sort of went crazy after my ex left and just turned into a whore for awhile. Now I'm pretty much a hermit and don't do much. I know this will pass but gosh sometimes the oddest things just set me off randomly and bring me back to the beginning when the relationship was ending. I haven't had a break down like this in a long time - but sometimes I still think about the ex. Over the years I've learned to control the emotions and get myself out of the funk, but this time it was a rush of emotion holding something that she used to wear. Now I know why I've been avoiding certain piles of 'stuff' in my house. I was afraid to go through it because I'd run into something from the 'ex' and feel like crap. It's as if the physical items were able to bring back the pain I've felt getting over the relationship in an instant. I was able to recover from the pain quickly but I still mourn the loss in a limited way. I suppose I always will. :/ Oh yeah, I'm 33 in 4 months. What kind of a guy is single at 33 these days? Guess that makes me a redflag to single females right? I'm 33, single, with no kids. I've been going to school and finishing out my education, running a business, and getting back into the gym since I have so much time on my hands. I'll probably have a graduate degree in a few years if I keep up the pace. I'm not sure what I'll do after I've achieved all the financial goals I've set out for myself though. I've got a good career and I'm financially sound but my personal life leaves much to be desired. My dating life is non-existent. Guess I've got a lot of growing to do before I can honestly attract that next g/f. I honestly don't even try to approach females at this point. Just don't even want to deal with the rejection at this point. All of it just seems to good to be true. Just seems that relationships just take so much effort, a full moon, and a green bus driving by concurrently for everything to line up correctly. I've sat for a lot of probability mathematics courses and it just seems like the probability of it all working out is very low - especially these days where women seem to have a lot of options - i.e. tons of guys hitting on them all the time. [ Just like in other species, males compete with other males for access to females. The competition just gets tiring after awhile and some of us just give up. It feels like a rat race that some of us are never destined to really win at. Read the book "Red Queen" by Ridley for an example of what I'm talking about. ]. Anyways, I'm just venting. If you've read this far, my thanks goes out to you and also an apology. SuperGeek
Author SuperGeek Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 So typing this all out helped me get this out of my system. I'm taking all this crap to the consighment (including the few last items I've found of hers) shop right now! They are open until 5pm so I've got a few hours to make it before they close! It's amazing what venting can do sometimes. SuperGeek
Recommended Posts