Shepardess Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I met this girl on a writing website and we clicked from the start. This site spans the entire globe and we only live two hours away from each other. She read one of my stories and commented on it, so I did the same and before you knew it, we were messaging each other until the sun came up (literally). We had a LOT in common and we really connected to each other. She even said that she's never connected to anyone as quickly and easily before. Eventually, I got a skype and we would talk in a call, again, until the sun came up. And I would never get tired of listening to her. I was able to open myself up around her and I had never been able to do that before. It was a nice feeling. Our "talking" eventually turned into flirting and that started hinting at a relationship because we'd call each other "sweetie" and all that. Well, the fact that I had connected to deeply to her kind of scared me a little because it was something I had never felt before, so I called it off in the wrong way. I wanted to say "hey, I think we're moving a little to fast, can we slow down?" but what I really ended up saying was "I want to leave my options open and I don't think I'm the one for you." There was a lot going on that night and I "called things off" in the heat of it all and that ended up mixing my words up. I really liked this girl and I knew I was an idiot for saying that to her, so I after about a week and a half, I told her my true feelings and that I wanted to give "us" a chance. She agreed. And we were fine for about a month or so. Then she started to become distant and finally she texted me saying that we'd work better as friends. It hurt to read so I didn't respond. She began blowing my phone up saying now SHE had made the mistake and how she only wanted to make me happy and that she didn't want to lose me and to forgive her and give her a second chance. I still had feelings, so I did. WELL, a week after THAT, she became distant again. I finally asked if something was bothering her and she skyped me saying that she lost the spark and didn't think she could ever feel it again and that we'd work better as friends. I asked for an explanation because she said the same thing before. Apparently, what I had said to her that first night I called it off instilled something in the back of her mind. She was in an abusive relationship for 2 years and she said that after that relationship, she didn't think she could be in another one and things with me proved that. She said that I was intelligent, kindhearted and gorgeous, but she wanted none of it because she preferred the single life. I was heartbroken. We got into a pretty bad fight where she didn't even want to be friends (after saying that we could be) and told me to F*** off and stop contacting her after I asked for another explanation. So I gave her space. Lo and behold, she texts me that same night saying she was drunk (which I figured she was), and just needed some space; that we couldn't be friends now, but we could be in the future. She also comes from an abusive home life and she has very low self-esteem because of some of the things her step father has done to her in the past. I told her a thousand times that I was different; that I had no intention of hurting her and that I wanted to help her carry her burdens so she wouldn't have to do it by herself anymore. After our last fight, she asked if we could talk and I agreed, as long as we did so civilly and respectfully. I asked if we could just lay out all our problems, sort through them and let them go; be completely honest with each other so there would be no more underlying issues or tension. I wanted to do this in a call, but we ended up doing it via text message. She said that I was bossy, that I acted like a knowitall and that my naivety annoyed her. I'm 18 and she's 21. I apologized for all of it and said that it was not my intention of coming across as bossy or as a know-it-all; that I was merely trying to make suggestions and be supportive, but that it came out the wrong way. I also said that I couldn't help being naive because I hadn't had the chance to get out and explore yet. So then I laid my honesty on the table. I said that she made me feel stupid sometimes and she did by the way she talked to me. She also acted like a know-it-all and she got angry over the tiniest things and that it annoyed me. Right then, she picked up on that saying that that was another reason why we couldn't work; because she was quick to anger and I couldn't handle it. I explained to her that I could handle it because I always tried to fix what made her angry and the majority of the time I was able to succeed. She said being annoyed=not tolerating. Not tolerating=not being able to handle it. I asked her to please not make assumptions about what I could and could not handle and that I was not like most people by letting small things slide off and then attempting to fix them. She didn't have a response to that. I then sent her my last 4 messages saying that I didn't want to just focus on the bad. I thanked her for all the good times we had and all the good memories we shared and then daringly said "and who better to show me all the new things I haven't been introduced to than you? " I thanked her for the talk and said that I would "see her around" I'm trying my best to get over her, but I refuse to believe that she can just turn off her feelings so easily. We never did meet, but we always planned to and that's part of the reason why I believe she lost the spark: nothing changed between us. We'd talk for hours and then do the same thing the very next day for 3 months straight. I have been respectful and polite to her; I have apologized for my wrong doings. She also said she held resentment for letting her go so casually that night. I wasn't trying to act casual, I was trying to act calm and I explained this to her and she didn't have a response. It seems like no matter what I say, she always brings it back to "and this is why we'd never work out" when I never even brought up our relationship in the first place. I do want her back. I think she's afraid and she has a lot on her plate right now, but like I said, I refuse to believe that she can just give up how strong our connection was without a second glance. I'm going No Contact for awhile to give her some space and hopefully heal from all this. All I want to know, is what you think. Do you think we have a chance to get back together or is it to late by what's already transpired? Sorry this is so long, but it's the first time I've ever really typed this out :/
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