hinatticus Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 So I was reading some other threads and it seems most dumpers leave because of another person. Maybe my situation is different. I f^cked up badly in our relationship and my ex has issues of her own. Anyway, it's been 5 months and there are no signs my ex is dating anyone else. Could she have really left me because of my issues or is it the fact we have a 2 year old and she doesn't want to date because of that. I'm at a point where I'm comfortable with the changes I've made. My counselor even told me I've changed. My ex has shown no signs she wants to reconcile except for the fact we're going to see my counselor together next Thursday. I feel tho she has her own agenda for going. Shes not happy right now and is wondering if it's because of the break up or work or family or past issues etc. my counselor knows my ex has issues and I think it will be beneficial for me when my counselor points these out to her. Anyway, my question is do you guys think there is another guy or is my ex truly trying to find herself?
Author hinatticus Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Seriously, no opinions?!?! I guess no one wants to say she left me for another guy. I guess that's good. On the flip side, I guess I was that big of a prick for her to leave me. F*ck I suck!
Canadian731 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I don't think that bringing your ex with you to see your counsellor is a very good idea, it seems like you are just bringing her with you to be in "the right" when you suspect your counsellor to tell her that she has problems. To be truly happy you have to let go of all that. As much as she broke up with you, something happened to make her lose that love she once had for you, not saying it's your fault, because it's nobody's fault, people's feelings just change sometimes. Goodluck
AlexanderJames Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Canadian raises a good point. Remember the other day when I suggested that if she was to come she would not be involved? She would just be there to listen and witness your progress through your counselling. Maybe insist to your counsellor that he / she not bring your ex into thing. Just to let her be there and watch? Don't think too much into whether or not she's left for someone else. If there's someone else then that is out of your control. But there is absolutely no point in losing sleep over something that's only in your head. You've said you are happy with the cnahges in yourself? Excellent! That's the most important thing. So keep focussing on these victories and keep working to be the man you want to be. The best person you can be for yourself, and for your son. Concentrate on the person you want to be without your ex, not the person you want to be if you got back together. Set yourself up for single life. This way you cannot be let down no matter what happens. If you start working things out excellent she will see how much of a great independant and strong individual you've become. And if you dont start working things out you are already well on your way to be happy with riding solo, with your little man of course.
Author hinatticus Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 I don't think that bringing your ex with you to see your counsellor is a very good idea, it seems like you are just bringing her with you to be in "the right" when you suspect your counsellor to tell her that she has problems. To be truly happy you have to let go of all that. As much as she broke up with you, something happened to make her lose that love she once had for you, not saying it's your fault, because it's nobody's fault, people's feelings just change sometimes. Goodluck It was my ex's idea to go. It's for domestic abuse and my ex wants to know why she feels the way she does. If it is in fact because of the break up. My counselor also would like to hear it from her point of view. Trust me, the break up was my fault. At least 80% my fault.
Author hinatticus Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Canadian raises a good point. Remember the other day when I suggested that if she was to come she would not be involved? She would just be there to listen and witness your progress through your counselling. Maybe insist to your counsellor that he / she not bring your ex into thing. Just to let her be there and watch? Don't think too much into whether or not she's left for someone else. If there's someone else then that is out of your control. But there is absolutely no point in losing sleep over something that's only in your head. You've said you are happy with the cnahges in yourself? Excellent! That's the most important thing. So keep focussing on these victories and keep working to be the man you want to be. The best person you can be for yourself, and for your son. Concentrate on the person you want to be without your ex, not the person you want to be if you got back together. Set yourself up for single life. This way you cannot be let down no matter what happens. If you start working things out excellent she will see how much of a great independant and strong individual you've become. And if you dont start working things out you are already well on your way to be happy with riding solo, with your little man of course. I'm seriously trying hard man. Focusing on my self betterment. I don't usually think about the ex with another person. I just thought it was weird after reading a few posts earlier today that a lot of people were saying exes leave because of another person. If that was true in my case, wouldn't she be with him right now? Which leads me to believe that I was actually a big prick. Shot to my self esteem. But I'm working on me. My confidence goes up slightly everyday. Seems my ex is going backwards in that department now. Everytime I see her, she talks down about herself. I can't help but feel I'm responsible for some of that. I've never talked bad about her appearance tho. I'm always telling her how beautiful she is. Or atleast I used to. Today for instance, she looked in the mirror and said "god I'm ugly", what am I supposed to say to that? Nothing I guess. Wtf kind of situation have I got myself into. Sometimes I wish I could just go nc.
Mary Oak Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I have asked my ex to tell me if she dates anyone or if she is intrested in anyone. That way when I know that information, I can make a decision what I want to do . I honestly don't know what the answer would be right now, but I know that would make me take time away so I could process it.
Author hinatticus Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 The thing is Mary, they may lie to us to spare our feelings. I used to ask my ex that question. I stopped cuz it was getting pointless. Just let time go and it should become obvious either way. On a positive note. Had an okay time with the ex last night. Nothing special, but at least no fighting.
fucpcg Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Dude you need to just chill, seriously. This is a stage where you usually cannot say anything that will HELP the chances of getting back together, but you can definitely say things that could kill any chance of reunion. When thoughts like this go thru your head, it is much easier to manifest thoughts that will turn into words that should have never been said. 5 months is minimal. If both of you went thru trauma for a good part of your life, then 5 months to heal it is a microcosm of the big picture. I am now sitting at 18 months out from breakup, and still just waiting for the day to just open communication, period. You must slow down your thoughts.
Author hinatticus Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Dude you need to just chill, seriously. This is a stage where you usually cannot say anything that will HELP the chances of getting back together, but you can definitely say things that could kill any chance of reunion. When thoughts like this go thru your head, it is much easier to manifest thoughts that will turn into words that should have never been said. 5 months is minimal. If both of you went thru trauma for a good part of your life, then 5 months to heal it is a microcosm of the big picture. I am now sitting at 18 months out from breakup, and still just waiting for the day to just open communication, period. You must slow down your thoughts. Hey fucpcg I agree the thoughts need to slow down. But I only started this thread based on the threads I was reading at the time. I dont think about my ex with another person. I guess I was more or less reiterating that I f*cked up in my relationship cuz my ex isn't seeing someone. It was her idea to see my counselor. My counselor agrees that my ex has some previous issues that led to our break up. I want my ex to understand this. If she learns about her previous issues it may help her heal faster and let go of some resentment towards me. I agree mostly that what I say can ruin a chance with her. But lately it seems my ex wants to hear me say that I understand how badly I hurt her. 5 months passing is all relative. For me 5 months is plenty of time for my behaviors to start changing. I think it's about time I realize that I can't be thinking about her all the time. 5 months for her is probably a short time to heal. Especially if she doesn't fully understand why she feels the way she does. If and when she realizes her problems and fully heals and she still doesn't want to reconcile ill try to fully give up on her. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. I have not asked her if she's seeing someone in months. All my conversations with her are about our son and how she's handling work. We still have minor arguments/setbacks, but those are bound to happen. I'm just trying to keep my head up. Im hoping by going to see my counselor will help her feel better. I'm waiting for the day she can hold her head up high. She really does seem like to be in a rough spot right now. It pains me that I cannot help her. In the meantime I'm still working on myself, still have that glimmer of hope and I'm treating her right whenever I can. I still have my low days as I'm only human.
Chi townD Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 For someone that doesn't believe that your relationship ended due to other man, you sure do bring it up and awful lot! Okay, so you were a complete asshat in your relationship and you were sighted for domnestic abuse. Yeah, I would leave you too! That's probably why she left and doesn't trust you. There a big possibility that she's not coming back and the counselor's appointment might be to find ways to co-parent together. You have to be ready for that. But, if you made big changes in your life. Then good! You need to have those changes for yourself aand for your kid.
Author hinatticus Posted July 27, 2012 Author Posted July 27, 2012 For someone that doesn't believe that your relationship ended due to other man, you sure do bring it up and awful lot! Okay, so you were a complete asshat in your relationship and you were sighted for domnestic abuse. Yeah, I would leave you too! That's probably why she left and doesn't trust you. There a big possibility that she's not coming back and the counselor's appointment might be to find ways to co-parent together. You have to be ready for that. But, if you made big changes in your life. Then good! You need to have those changes for yourself aand for your kid. Domestic abuse is a huge umbrella. I'm in more for my anger issues as said by my ex. It's not the classic case of abuse, but I know I'll be reprimanded as such for actually coming clean. Counseling session is not about co parenting. we have that down. More about her. Do I seriously bring up other man a lot? I thought I've brought it up slightly less than everybody, but only because I don't wanna look naive to you guys. I honestly don't believe there is another man, but see how I sound when I say that? So to cover my bases I bring it up so I can at least be prepared for that.
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