iris219 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Ehh, maybe this topic is a dead-end. I was looking for more a discussion about at what age I should stop caring about dating. I am very unsuccessful at dating, and quite sick of doing it, but people keep telling me not to give up because I'm "so young!" (27 years old.) I was rather hoping to hear that if I haven't found a guy by 30, I'm not going to, so I can just stop trying already. But my experiences also seem to be abnormal, so maybe that's still true regardless. Well, hurray for all the sexy and confident and getting-married 40 year olds. What do you mean by “throw in the towel?” What do you mean by not caring about dating? Do you mean you’re thinking about rejecting any man who asks you out? Or you’ll refrain from showing any interest in the opposite sex? No, you should never do this. Dating shouldn't be your only focus in life, and sometimes it will be more important than other times. It's fine to put dating on the back burner at certain times in your life, but not because of age. I’ve missed seeing you around here, V; I was hoping you were off having scandalous fun with a cool guy.
Pyro Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 For you, I'd suggest throwing in the towel now. You obviously don't like it and dating should be fun, not a chore. Also, your 'poor me, pity me' attitude might be what is putting men off to you and if you just give up focusing on dating and imagined rejections, you can repair your poor self imagine. this is good advice. Put off dating for the time being until you have a better outlook on it and yourself. 1
The Way I Am Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 PS: I want to reiterate that I am speaking about ONLY women who have never been married. It seems like if you can get down the aisle once, you have a much better chance of going down it again. But how many of us know a woman who married for the first time in her 40's, 50's, etc? My guess is that it has nothing to do with having a "better chance" because you've been married before. If someone isn't married by 30 but wanted to, they may have issues that prevent them from building a relationship to the point of marriage. If they pass 30 and still haven't addressed those issues, why would they have any more success building a relationship than in their 20's? It's probably easier to convince themselves that it's because of how society views women over 30 than to work on their issues. Side note: I've also heard the same complaint from men, though the complaint seems much less common from them. 1
Author verhrzn Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 For you, I'd suggest throwing in the towel now. You obviously don't like it and dating should be fun, not a chore. Also, your 'poor me, pity me' attitude might be what is putting men off to you and if you just give up focusing on dating and imagined rejections, you can repair your poor self imagine. I have no idea how spending hours wandering an online site, spending tons of time on a thoughtful profile, never getting any responses or messages, and having guys laugh at you when you approach them could be considered "fun." What, again with the attitude?? I challenge anyone to read my profile and get a "pity me" vibe, and yet ZERO messages. Honestly, the whole simplistic "it's your attitude" does NOT explain everything.
dasein Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Anybody who exists in the world based solely or mostly on their physical appeal will suffer devaluation in the mating market in time. I think the comments and sentiments you describe are mostly aimed at women who do lots of "getting by on their looks" through life (or seek to), and not towards more well-rounded women. 1
Author verhrzn Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 What do you mean by “throw in the towel?” What do you mean by not caring about dating? Do you mean you’re thinking about rejecting any man who asks you out? Or you’ll refrain from showing any interest in the opposite sex? No, you should never do this. Dating shouldn't be your only focus in life, and sometimes it will be more important than other times. It's fine to put dating on the back burner at certain times in your life, but not because of age. I’ve missed seeing you around here, V; I was hoping you were off having scandalous fun with a cool guy. I mean locking myself in my apartment with books and video games, except when absolutely necessary to come out (work, errands, occasional social gatherings with friends, the gym to stay healthy.) And yeah, refraining to show interest in the opposite sex.
ThaWholigan Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I find that women start to feel sexier and more attractive in themselves when they hit around that 30 age. I've seen it myself, especially if they take care of themselves. I don't think there is an age to throw in the towel for anyone. 2
Author verhrzn Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 PS: *Rolls eyes* And yeah, I'm sure people really missed my whining, self-centered attitude. I left because people here hate me... but then I realized that people hate me everywhere, so hey, not like being here is all that different.
Author verhrzn Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 I find that women start to feel sexier and more attractive in themselves when they hit around that 30 age. I've seen it myself, especially if they take care of themselves. I don't think there is an age to throw in the towel for anyone. But if ya had to pick an age, when would it be? And maybe there isn't an age for the general population of women, because some women are sexy no matter the age.... but hey, let's make it personal, at what age should I stop trying?
Cracker Jack Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 There is no age to throw in the towel. You just need to get your negative outlook in check. I don't see why you were eager to hear the likely age where you need to give up on dating. Pretty counterproductive in itself. And no one hates you. Kill the self-pity, please. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 "I left because people here hate me... but then I realized that people hate me everywhere, so hey, not like being here is all that different." This. Yes your attitude sucks. Girl you gotta getcher swerve back. Men LOVE confident, funny, positive women - AT ANY AGE. You need to stop this pity party and put a smile on your face.
The Way I Am Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 But if ya had to pick an age, when would it be? And maybe there isn't an age for the general population of women, because some women are sexy no matter the age.... but hey, let's make it personal, at what age should I stop trying? You really should stop trying now. I'm not being flippant or mean. You seem really unhappy. Unless you're happy with yourself, you're never going to be successful in a relationship. If the only thing that gets you out of the house is trying to land a husband, that's not appealing to the opposite sex. Would you be attracted to a male version of yourself? If not, then you have a lot of work to do before you're ready to start looking for a relationship.
ThaWholigan Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 But if ya had to pick an age, when would it be? And maybe there isn't an age for the general population of women, because some women are sexy no matter the age.... but hey, let's make it personal, at what age should I stop trying? Well, like Janesays....err, says .... I think maybe you should give up now. Dating seems to cause you nothing but problems mentally and emotionally, and causes you to pick yourself apart in ways that saddens me a little. It might be of little comfort to you, but nobody here hates you in any way, and we would like to see you happy. If giving up dating and pursuing a relationship would make you happy somehow, I would recommend it. Not in the sense that it's never going to happen ever, but in the sense that pursuing it does you no good. 2
iris219 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I mean locking myself in my apartment with books and video games, except when absolutely necessary to come out (work, errands, occasional social gatherings with friends, the gym to stay healthy.) And yeah, refraining to show interest in the opposite sex. This doesn’t sounds like a bad idea. Just live your life. Nothing wrong with that. You might find you’re happier that way.
Author verhrzn Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 There is no age to throw in the towel. You just need to get your negative outlook in check. I don't see why you were eager to hear the likely age where you need to give up on dating. Pretty counterproductive in itself. And no one hates you. Kill the self-pity, please. Dude... have you READ any of my threads? I left initially because a poster told me I was a self-centered, heartless sociopath. I am known as the Resident Female Whiner, people are constantly rolling their eyes at my experiences and belitting my problems... Hate might be a strong word, but "animosity" and "extreme dislike" are just longer words of the same emotions. Guess I shouldn't be surprised the Optimism Brigade hasn't changed their tune... "Hey you should get rid of your negative attitude. Even though we don't like you either, and you have every reason to be negative about yourself." Can't even get a simple question answered without it going RIGHT back to my "attitude." Geez.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Don't listen to him. The only thing holding you back is negative thinking. I have been making a serious attempt to stop the negativity as of late and it feels great so maybe you might want to give it a try. I am saying this from somebody who has been in that deep dark space myself. Are you kidding? I speak the honest truth. Women are not hot on the market after 30, period. I never said they can't find love or still be attractive, just not at the peak of their beauty. Learn to accept things as they are, buddy.
Author verhrzn Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 Well, like Janesays....err, says .... I think maybe you should give up now. Dating seems to cause you nothing but problems mentally and emotionally, and causes you to pick yourself apart in ways that saddens me a little. It might be of little comfort to you, but nobody here hates you in any way, and we would like to see you happy. If giving up dating and pursuing a relationship would make you happy somehow, I would recommend it. Not in the sense that it's never going to happen ever, but in the sense that pursuing it does you no good. Not pursuing a relationship wouldn't make me happy, but pursuing a relationship doesn't make me happy either. It's more if I could just get a concrete answer of "It's pointless to try, you're never gonna find anyone" I could at least go stuff myself in a hole and die already. Not a bad idea, honestly, guess I should do that anyway. Good to see LS yet again confirm that suicide is a better idea.
xxoo Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 no age. even if you were 47 don't give up. 47?! That cracked me up, because 47 no longer sounds old to me V, I'm glad you are back. I hope you can find some uplifting companionship here (not talking about dates!)
xxoo Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 It's more if I could just get a concrete answer of "It's pointless to try, you're never gonna find anyone" I could at least go stuff myself in a hole and die already. V, do you truly feel that life is not worth living without a romantic partner?
Drseussgrrl Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Bahahaha. I am 33 and constantly being asked out by men in their 20's. I AM hot on the market. Truthfully, I'll admit it takes a little more upkeep than it did in my 20's. But it's a small price to pay and frankly I feel great.
Cracker Jack Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 See, that's my point exactly. One poster spouts some crap about you, then you decide to leave because you feel everyone thinks very little of you and your experience. No one dislikes you. If anything, people dislike how you'd rather be right (your dating life is doomed) than be wrong. A prime example of that is in this thread alone. The fact that people are actually replying to you indicates that they don't dislike you. They're TRYING to get through to you, as impossible as that seems. Seriously, V.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Not pursuing a relationship wouldn't make me happy, but pursuing a relationship doesn't make me happy either. It's more if I could just get a concrete answer of "It's pointless to try, you're never gonna find anyone" I could at least go stuff myself in a hole and die already. Then maybe you should do that. There, someone has given you the answer you longed to hear.
The Way I Am Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Not pursuing a relationship wouldn't make me happy, but pursuing a relationship doesn't make me happy either. It's more if I could just get a concrete answer of "It's pointless to try, you're never gonna find anyone" I could at least go stuff myself in a hole and die already. Not a bad idea, honestly, guess I should do that anyway. Good to see LS yet again confirm that suicide is a better idea. Ok. I'm telling you that as you are now, it's pointless, so stop. Whether you feel like there's nothing left in life without the pursuit of a relationship is your call. I've spent too much of my life in pity parties to join yours. I hope you find something that makes you happy.
brahmabull117 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 There are pornstars who still look great at 50 so the answer is no OP Just gotta take care of yourself, stay away from tanning too much, etc... and you can look good for a long long while 1
aj22one Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 So I should not care about dating... which means I'll essentially lock myself in my apartment and never leave except to run errands and go to work. And that will somehow ensure me meeting someone. ... Because when I stop caring about dating, that is exactly what I will do, because I will no longer care about trying. Thus, why I'm looking for the appropriate age to "give up" so I have a time-table to "try." Jeez what a terrible way to live. You don't have anything that you like to do for fun that involves leaving the house? Go travel (even if it's just a day trip to somewhere close by), join a cooking class, you gotta have something you like to do.
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