TheUnthoughtKnown Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 This is mainly aimed at those who have been in NC for at least a year or two; I saw my ex just a few hours ago when I was shopping in town. She was with her father and her sister and looked different than when I last saw her about a year ago. Here's the thing: I started shaking, was very aware of my body and how I was walking. She very nearly seen me. A small part of me wanted her to, I even about turned and walked past her but in the busy(ish) town she didn't see me. So since I seen her I've been wrestling with the urge to drink, an urge that has prevailed since she broke up with me. I'm happy now, I've been with my current gf for nearly 10 months and so much has happened in 2 years. I was sure I was over her, I certainly don't want her back. I'm wondering why I still have this Pavlovian response to seeing her. What does it mean??
esteem-jam Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I have this myself. I think it is because that person hurt us. Our body is in "fight or flight" mode, because we dont want any more pain. 1
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I know it's not a year after our BU, but I have the same. I saw him a few times and I started to shake, couldn't walk and really had to sit down for a while. Don't know why this happens....
CopingGal Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I think it means you are definitely not over her. I read that you know you are over your ex when you run into them and you have no reaction. 1
jdids247 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I can honestly say that in the past, that happens to me when someone has hurt me and I want to avoid them. Now after I've been out of a 6 year relationship for 6 months, the sight of her does make my heart feel like it's jumping out of my chest. I think it has to do with unresolved feelings coming back after time apart.
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 I think it means you are definitely not over her. I read that you know you are over your ex when you run into them and you have no reaction. Is it possible in some ways to never be fully over your ex? If that were the case, life would just get very, very complicated. I started my account on LS when she broke up with me and I needed a bit of advice, and I've been going through all the posts I've made here over the last 2 years and there's been other girls, other situations, more important things. Yet when I see her in the street it's like winding back those years so it all seemed irrelevant. Like nothing I've done mattered because I'm still shaking when I see her, I'm still picturing the vodka I'm going to consume in an attempt to forget about the whole thing. I'm not cut up about it anymore, it just seems futile going round and round, you know? 1
dragon820 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 This is mainly aimed at those who have been in NC for at least a year or two; I saw my ex just a few hours ago when I was shopping in town. She was with her father and her sister and looked different than when I last saw her about a year ago. Here's the thing: I started shaking, was very aware of my body and how I was walking. She very nearly seen me. A small part of me wanted her to, I even about turned and walked past her but in the busy(ish) town she didn't see me. So since I seen her I've been wrestling with the urge to drink, an urge that has prevailed since she broke up with me. I'm happy now, I've been with my current gf for nearly 10 months and so much has happened in 2 years. I was sure I was over her, I certainly don't want her back. I'm wondering why I still have this Pavlovian response to seeing her. What does it mean?? Perhaps you're not as over her as you thought, or there are just residual feelings, that need to go someplace....No Contact doesn't allow feelings of hurt and frustation to escape. Try running or working out, doing something productive rather than drinking, to get rid of the feelings...............good luck
SuperGeek Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) I think it means you are definitely not over her. I read that you know you are over your ex when you run into them and you have no reaction. I have come to accept that I may never fully get over my ex. Even as bad as she treated me toward the end, the good times were among some of the best I've experienced in my life. I can't just forget those moments or push them into some closed off portion in my brain. Granted, I'm recovered to the point where I'm not a wreck or non-functional in life, but I think there will always be that 1-2% (or whatever percentage) of mourning the relationship that will always exist. I think it's a sign that I truly loved my ex when we were together. Other exes didn't have the same profound lasting impact on me. In some ways accepting that there may be some residual mourning emotions left over has helped me move on further than if I just waited and put everything else on hold to gain that 100% recovery feeling. Perhaps when I meet someone new again (someone with staying potential) I won't feel this way, but currently ( and for the last few years ) I've accepted that I won't be fully over it. OP, you will eventually get to a point where you're heart isn't jumping out of your chest all the time. It's just a matter of time. For me it has been two years and most of the time I'm fine and don't think of the ex, though once in a blue moon I will get triggered hard and have a 5-10 minute break down (see my other thread that I posted about laundry). The emotional shocks occur less and less as time goes on. It is like a forced withdrawl... that's the only way I can explain it. One way I minimized break downs is by getting rid of all physical items that made me think of the ex. I still suffered a lot of pain getting over the ex, but I think it would have been much worse if I didn't 1) go NC 2) try and get rid of all physical items from her 3) delete all emails, etc. Oh yeah, getting laid helped too BTW, I have had the same feeling as you. A year ago I thought I saw my ex at a local grocer store. I was shaking and my heart was pounding. I couldn't control the emotions at all. I have no idea if I'd feel this way again or not. Probably not as my ex tried to come back and I had to pass on her offer (it was a lame attempt on her part to salvage our relationship after her fling fell apart). I think time eventually heals all of this - the part that sucks is it just takes a lot of time and self healing. SuperGeek Edited July 26, 2012 by SuperGeek
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Thanks SuperGeek, maybe you're right. It truly does just take a lot of time. I think most of my friends, if not all of them, believe I haven't thought of her at all in the last year and a half but I have. She had a big effect on me and no matter how you slice it, that's not something you can just walk away from. I'm just glad I've been able to get some perspective on the matter (mainly through the helpful comments on this site) that allow me to accept what happened yesterday and move on to dealing with more important aspects of my romantic life. Maybe it's a good thing I'll always have that 1%. Maybe it's a sign I really did love that girl, and if I did, well that can't be a truly bad thing at all. Maybe some love never really dies.
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