Drseussgrrl Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 So, my guy is a musician. A very talented one. He has a beautiful voice, has his way with his guitar, and writes amazing songs. He was in a very successful band up until a few years ago when they broke up, that toured all over the East coast. For my birthday this year, he learned a few of my favorite songs and played them for me. I had heard him play before obviously but, had never been with him one on one. I admit I got a little uncomfortable, because of the intensity of the moment, and got up to do dishes. He called me out on this in a joking way, but I was singing along the whole time regardless. When he's playing his guitar and singing, it's incredibly sexy. He makes it look effortless, and it's as if he and his guitar move as a singular entity. He has a show tomorrow night. His first one in a few years. He's playing an acoustic set at a local venue, and all of our mutual friends will be there. I've noticed on the FB event that MANY attractive females have also RSVP'd. I teasingly told him I would bring a stick. Of course, I fully anticipate that he'll be talking to a lot of people after the show, including pretty women. I guess I just want to make sure that I don't feel insecure. He said, "I know you've said in the past that you tend to get a little jealous, but just remember I'm going home with you. " I replied that I would be fine, that I trusted him, and that if anything, it's kind of hot to see him be "appreciated". I appreciated that he said that, but I don't want him to feel in any way that he can't be himself and talk with whoever he wants. I've never dated anyone before who gets this level of attention. I guess I just need a pep-talk about how to keep my potential jealousy in check. I want people to appreciate his gift the way I do. I SO don't want to be THAT girl!
Emilia Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Have you had the chance to see how he deals with attention?
Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 No I haven't. In addition to being a musician though, he's very funny and charismatic, so he tends to be the center of attention a lot when we're out with friends. He plays off people really well. To add: I've never felt insecure around him before. Also, my brother is also a successful musician and is somewhat famous, so I know how bold some women can be around them after their shows. My sis-in-law just laughs and takes it in stride though - which makes her that much sexier to him.
Emilia Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I don't know. I avoid guys that seek a lot of external validation - which is how I'm reading your bf's behaviour. Not so much because I worry that they cheat but because attention seeking is unattractive to me. You will see what he is like at the gig. He won't be able to help himself. I think you will get a lot of clarity on his behaviour.
jobaba Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 So, my guy is a musician. A very talented one. He has a beautiful voice, has his way with his guitar, and writes amazing songs. He was in a very successful band up until a few years ago when they broke up, that toured all over the East coast. For my birthday this year, he learned a few of my favorite songs and played them for me. I had heard him play before obviously but, had never been with him one on one. I admit I got a little uncomfortable, because of the intensity of the moment, and got up to do dishes. He called me out on this in a joking way, but I was singing along the whole time regardless. When he's playing his guitar and singing, it's incredibly sexy. He makes it look effortless, and it's as if he and his guitar move as a singular entity. He has a show tomorrow night. His first one in a few years. He's playing an acoustic set at a local venue, and all of our mutual friends will be there. I've noticed on the FB event that MANY attractive females have also RSVP'd. I teasingly told him I would bring a stick. Of course, I fully anticipate that he'll be talking to a lot of people after the show, including pretty women. I guess I just want to make sure that I don't feel insecure. He said, "I know you've said in the past that you tend to get a little jealous, but just remember I'm going home with you. " I replied that I would be fine, that I trusted him, and that if anything, it's kind of hot to see him be "appreciated". I appreciated that he said that, but I don't want him to feel in any way that he can't be himself and talk with whoever he wants. I've never dated anyone before who gets this level of attention. I guess I just need a pep-talk about how to keep my potential jealousy in check. I want people to appreciate his gift the way I do. I SO don't want to be THAT girl! Meh... As a guy who has played the guitar for over 15 years, it's not a big deal to women. I've played lots of shows and never had a woman hit on me once. I'm always open and friendly after the shows too because I always have a drink in my hand. Women have complimented me on my singing too (although I don't do that at shows). Again ... nothing. I'm dead serious. The number of women who have complimented my on my guitar playing and rejected me is something like 20+. If he's good looking, then yes he will get attention. But ... he'd have gotten that attention whether he played the guitar or not. Women ripping their clothes off for a guy that plays guitar is the most exaggerated myth ever in the history of dating.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 Thanks. I don't really think he's an attention-seeker, though. Not intentionally, anyway. He's certainly not cocky or self-centered. THAT is a turn-off to me as well. Mostly, people just feel good around him because he's funny and gives off positive vibes, and has an infectious laugh.
Emilia Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Meh... As a guy who has played the guitar for over 15 years, it's not a big deal to women. I've played lots of shows and never had a woman hit on me once. I'm always open and friendly after the shows too because I always have a drink in my hand. Women have complimented me on my singing too (although I don't do that at shows). Again ... nothing. I'm dead serious. The number of women who have complimented my on my guitar playing and rejected me is something like 20+. If he's good looking, then yes he will get attention. But ... he'd have gotten that attention whether he played the guitar or not. Women ripping their clothes off for a guy that plays guitar is the most exaggerated myth ever in the history of dating. I think it may have been a different environment. The OP is referring to live gigs in pub/bar, those usually have ONS culture
Emilia Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Thanks. I don't really think he's an attention-seeker, though. Not intentionally, anyway. He's certainly not cocky or self-centered. THAT is a turn-off to me as well. Mostly, people just feel good around him because he's funny and gives off positive vibes, and has an infectious laugh. Why is he a musician?
Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 Because he's talented and loves music? That's like asking why someone is an artist, or a dancer. Doncha think? 1
Emilia Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Because he's talented and loves music? That's like asking why someone is an artist, or a dancer. Doncha think? No, not at all. Some people need to express themselves, others want to get laid.
jobaba Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Thanks. I don't really think he's an attention-seeker, though. Not intentionally, anyway. He's certainly not cocky or self-centered. THAT is a turn-off to me as well. Mostly, people just feel good around him because he's funny and gives off positive vibes, and has an infectious laugh. The reason the myth is perpetuated is because guys like Steven Tyler and Axl Rose and Slash date models. That is because they are rich and famous. I just saw a show two weekends ago with an AMAZING guitar player, doing covers. Drunk chicks LOVE covers. He was also skinny and had a big nose. How many went up to him after the show? Zero. But I did.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 Emilia I usually like your posts and agree with you. But I guess I'm somewhat surprised that you assume my guy is a musician only for the attention and sex. If that was the case, I imagine he'd be playing shows all over the place and not inviting me to any of them. But in this case, it's his first show in a few years, and I'll be there along with all of our mutual friends. Also, when he was in his band, he was married (now divorced), and always 100% faithful.
Emilia Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 The reason the myth is perpetuated is because guys like Steven Tyler and Axl Rose and Slash date models. That is because they are rich and famous. I just saw a show two weekends ago with an AMAZING guitar player, doing covers. Drunk chicks LOVE covers. He was also skinny and had a big nose. How many went up to him after the show? Zero. But I did. I go to gigs all the time, guys get lots of attention - although it is true that they tend to be good looking or slightly more famous. Alcohol + attention + charisma get you laid no problem
jobaba Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I think it may have been a different environment. The OP is referring to live gigs in pub/bar, those usually have ONS culture I've played lots of bars. It doesn't matter. If the woman is not physically attracted, the guitar playing will do nothing. And if he is good looking, then she has that problem whether he plays the guitar or not.
Emilia Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Emilia I usually like your posts and agree with you. But I guess I'm somewhat surprised that you assume my guy is a musician only for the attention and sex. If that was the case, I imagine he'd be playing shows all over the place and not inviting me to any of them. But in this case, it's his first show in a few years, and I'll be there along with all of our mutual friends. Also, when he was in his band, he was married (now divorced), and always 100% faithful. No, I asked you why he is a musician. He must have told you the reasons why? He must have talked about his love for music? Or self expression? Or attention? What type of music and why? What you are saying in this post though it sounds like you know the answer and you have nothing to fear
Emilia Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I've played lots of bars. It doesn't matter. If the woman is not physically attracted, the guitar playing will do nothing. And if he is good looking, then she has that problem whether he plays the guitar or not. Do you drink alcohol?
Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 It never occurred to me to ask him "why" he's a musician. I come from a family of musicians. It's a love of music and self-expression, and being able to share that with others. When we first met, we talked about a lot of bands that we both loved. He didn't even tell me about *his* band until after a few dates. And by then, I already liked him anyway.
Emilia Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 It never occurred to me to ask him "why" he's a musician. I come from a family of musicians. It's a love of music and self-expression, and being able to share that with others. When we first met, we talked about a lot of bands that we both loved. He didn't even tell me about *his* band until after a few dates. And by then, I already liked him anyway. I will add though that your brother is famous and that would definitely change things. sounds like he is in it for the right reasons, I suppose I'm surprised why you are feeling nervous - having said that, you will be able to gauge it better during and after the gig.
jobaba Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Emilia I usually like your posts and agree with you. But I guess I'm somewhat surprised that you assume my guy is a musician only for the attention and sex. If that was the case, I imagine he'd be playing shows all over the place and not inviting me to any of them. But in this case, it's his first show in a few years, and I'll be there along with all of our mutual friends. Also, when he was in his band, he was married (now divorced), and always 100% faithful. I'd also like to say that the persona and the attitude is what gets you laid more than the talent. Hard rock bands with tats like Buckcherry, or more these days hipster bands like Vampire Weekend. Women like the guys in those bands because they are cool and have image and attitude, not because they can play well. Both of those bands suck. This guy is one of the best guitarists in the world... How many women would that turn on? 1
jobaba Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Do you drink alcohol? :lmao: Does Lindsay Lohan drink alcohol? 1
ThaWholigan Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I'd also like to say that the persona and the attitude is what gets you laid more than the talent. Hard rock bands with tats like Buckcherry, or more these days hipster bands like Vampire Weekend. Women like the guys in those bands because they are cool and have image and attitude, not because they can play well. Both of those bands suck. This guy is one of the best guitarists in the world... How many women would that turn on? I wanna play like that - I'd just look cooler than the sucky bands when doing it I love music
Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 Please don't ever say "Buckcherry" in another one of my threads AGAIN.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I've been in a band, am friends with many people who are active musicians, and have dated guys in popular bands. The only thing that really matters here is the guy's character and how he handles the attention. The guy I'm seeing isn't a musician, but he's good-looking, charismatic, and dresses well. So waitresses, baristas, and so on are are constantly grinning at him and flirting. But I've never once seen him flirt back. He's polite and friendly, but doesn't flirt or encourage them to keep flirting. I've never felt that he's distracted from me and what we're doing by the attention. It's a great feeling - like, "Yep, eat your hearts out, girls - he's with me." How does he handle attention from flirty women in general?
jobaba Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Please don't ever say "Buckcherry" in another one of my threads AGAIN. Lol. It's true though. Attitude and fame >> talent any day. Here's another absolutely amazing musician. I wonder how much a@@ he gets?
Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 I've never seen him get hit on directly, but when we're out together he's very generous with his affection and it's obvious to everyone around that we are together (constant hand holding, rubbing my back, hand on the knee, etc). So, like I said, I've never felt insecure around him. But tomorrow night I'll see him in a context that I haven't before.
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