blue_ikat Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Hi everyone, I'm suddenly very nervous about beginning a long-distance relationship, and I'm not sure how to parse it all out. My bf of a year and half was suddenly offered an amazing job with a very important company in his field... 3,000 miles away. We've been happily living together for the last 9 months, and intended to continue living together. But his new job requires him to move, and to work 60-80 hour weeks regularly (after a near-100 hour per week 'boot camp', lasting 6 weeks). The plan is for me to stay here and save money for 6 months, then move to join him. I'm a little sad that he doesn't want me to come with him right away (I make 1/4 of his salary, but he could easily support both of us until I found another job- I'm no slacker, even with a full-time job, I cook all our meals, clean, take care of our pet). It would be a career upheaval for me, but if he wanted me to go, I'd go! He's promised to talk/text with me at least once per day unless he's extremely busy, but I'm nervous that he'll be busy *every day* and not follow through. I never wanted to be in a long-distance relationship again, and if I didn't truly love him and feel that we could have a happy marriage, I wouldn't pursue it. I'm also worried about the future. I feel somewhat stupid for even wanting to move across the country for a 'boyfriend'- marriage is very, very important to me, and I don't want to move unless I know we're going to get married. But he says he's 'not ready' to be engaged, but he'd be more willing to be engaged once I move and settle in to the new city. I don't know if I'm being too stubborn or being a pushover. Any advice or perspective would be appreciated...
Pyro Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 No one said that LD would be easy. This will be tough but if you love him give it a chance and see how things go. If he really does love you he will find some time to shoot you an email/call/skype. I wouldn't call you a pushover. That is a big step to take. 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 He likely doesnt want you to go with him because he might know more about this job and than you do. He may be sent someplace for 6 months or so then transfer again elsewhere.
vitalis Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 I think it's not a bad idea to move with him a bit later. He'll be in a new environment and there will be a lot of things to settle first. He will also need to be more focused on anything related to his job and building workplace relationships. Plus if you guys are serious about the relationship it will be a rare chance to further understand each other through LDR.
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