TheBetterPerson Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I just want to ask everyone how long has it taken people to get over their ex?? its been about two months since my break up - not no contact i might add that i have had anything to do with my ex but i still think about them pretty much all the time. I HATE IT! I dont want them to be in my head anymore and i feel like im just sitting here waiting for them to slowly fade to black! BUT they are not going anywhere!!! Just want to get an insight to everyones tips, tricks, how long it takes and what the best thing to do to stop the ex monsta lingering in the brain!!
Ruby65 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 It's unclear to me if you've gone No Contact or not. If you haven't, that would definitely help speed up the healing process. For me, it's usually been a good 3 months of NC before I start to feel more like my normal self most of the time. The single best thing for helping me to feel better is getting lots of exercise. I've also usually started dating again around 4-6 months after a split and this has REALLY cheered me up in the past and helped me get over breakups. I don't really casually date, though -- so I usually wait until I feel ready for another relationship and by the time one happens I'm usually over my ex. Good luck -- keep going, you're doing great! I love your quote, by the way. So true! 2
edelveis Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Well i personally believe that to get over an ex you have to keep strict NC and also to try not to care about how they are,where they are and such.its hard but learning news of them will keep you back. In my situation 2 1/2 months after the break and strict NC from the beginning.I ve started feeling good again and i have erased many things from my mind.i have started saying goodbye to a dream which is fading.I am strong and i am finding myself again.I dont want her back and i realize that she is the one who lost.. You are in the right way and you are doing great..It might be a clice but its a reality,with time it definitely gets better.! 2
Author TheBetterPerson Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 Thanks Ruby, I thought i was doing well, we worked together, he then decided he hated me and wouldnt talk to me at all, then started seeing another girl at our work, i left work, couldnt handle it, thinking i would never hear from him again as i know how stubborn he is, then out of nowhere he emailed me and i found myself replying! last time we spoke was on Saturday its now Wednesday and i have never initiated it but iv never ignored him like he has me! But whether we have contact or not the thoughts and feelings wont go away!! Im going to try hard to erase him from my mind and not contact him but its so hard!!!!
YorickBrown Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I was going to ask/post a question like this, although thinking about it...I guess it would be different for lot of people and depending on the extent/length of the relationship also...mine was over a year, and while I've been on NC for over a month now (i think, i dunno where to start counting, Im just rounding it off) For me, ideally, it shouldn't take more than 2-3 months. Sad to say, I still think about her from time to time (which explains why im still here on LS) so what I do is I read books/comics to keep my mind pre-occupied and catch up on watching movies, tv series etc...and yes, like what Ruby65 said...exercise! You can't think of anything else when you get exhausted. I've taken to running (its the cheapest and simplest to do ) 2
Author TheBetterPerson Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 This is why i wanted to know peoples different stories! I run all the time, read comics ALOT, watching tv series and films never got round to watching! BUT the thoughts come over me.... He said he never wanted to talk to me again, said i lied about something but wouldnt tell me what, then emailed me asking if i was ok, feels like im going nuts, my head is so screwed! I want to erase him from my mind! why cant i just let go of all these thoughts, hes with someone else now (someone who was a friend) but why is he emailing me, tooooo many questions! our relationship was about a year BUT we worked together and we stayed together, so was pretty intense! he said alot of things that keep rolling in my head, EUGH im annoying myself now! WHY CANT I JUST FORGET HIM!!!!
Sugarkane Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 2 months is nothing! It took me longer Depends how bad the breakup is.
headsashed Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 everyone person and situation is different,the length of time you were together,how intense it was,what caused the break up,how u deal with the break up etc will reflect on the amount of time it takes to get over someone. They say it takes around half the time of the relationship to get over someone but i believe its how we actually deal with it that depends on how long we suffer. Im about 2.5 months out of a 2.5 year relationship and i still hurt and think about her,not as much anymore though. What is speeding up my recovery is eating/sleeping well,plenty of exercise,goin out with friends and work. It takes the mind off the ex. NC is probably the hardest but most effective tool in getting over someone and that alone in my eyes speeds up recovery. 1
Cmac Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 (edited) I'm 8 months down the line from mine, and while I haven't felt that raw hurt for a while now I still wouldn't say I'm completely over her. I still feel a bit sad if I ever think about her and the fact we are strangers to each other now, or if I ever see pictures of her. So I do feel better, she's not at the forefront of my mind anymore, but whenever she does edge her way there, it does still hurt I guess..We were together for just over 5 years, so it's tough that we haven't said so much as a word to each other since New Year, but NC is definitely the way to go. I'd rather be upset that we are strangers now than be upset because I see her out with other guys or whatever. Oh, plus she has lost weight since the breakup and has gone from a size 12 to a size 8 and damn she looks good, that gets to me a lot. Edited July 25, 2012 by Cmac
Author TheBetterPerson Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 We only broke up end of April and then he decided he wouldnt talk to me, total avoidance, crossed the road where i was, ignored me, would never look at me! wasnt the nicest of people, told me good riddance once i left work where we were, booked my last day off so he didnt have to join in to say bye! THEN i go to my new job and i get a stack of emails from him - pure hatred (after a month of ignoring me) so i ignored it all, only last Thursday i get more emails but this time its quite nice, well not nice but not his usual hatred self!!! Now i realise i should of ignored him from the start, it was easier! now all these feelings and thoughts are on the forfront of my mind and i want them to go, maybe another month of NC and i will be ok, but i want to be ok now!
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 3 months and I am not all right. I think it will take a long time for me to heal - for this time I was very strongly in love. My first relationship lasted 3 years and I was over after 2 years and it is pretty long time. If my first ex kept NC, it would be much better and I would be over after 1 year, I think.
Author TheBetterPerson Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 So these months that everyone is talking about, when you guys say your not over them and its been x amount of months, what are you guys doing in these months? What are you thinking about? How are you guys coping? how do you put the thought of someone you once cared about out of your head? Why on earth am i thinking about someone that doesnt think or care about me?
KatZee Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I'm almost 3 months post break up and I'm doing really well. Someone else said it, it's HOW you deal with the breakup which determines how fast or slow you move on. My first love, took me 6 YEARS to get over. That's because I refused to go NC, I continued on in a FWB situation with him, I kept him on his pedestal, and I held onto a lot of guilt because I was the reason for us ending. I refused to forgive myself. It was my fault. If what happened, hadn't happened, we'd have remained together. I was only with him in a relationship for 9 months too!!! My last ex, was with him a little over 2.5 years. I went into straight NC, purged my FB, my emails, my pictures, just got rid of everything. I forced myself to go out with my friends, reconnect with people I had lost touch with, even when I didn't want to. I truly stepped outside of the "in love" mentality I had and started looking at the relationship for what it truly was--- toxic, unhealthy, emotionally abusive. I realized I hated who I was because of him. Insecure. Paranoid. Jealous. Needy. Lacked confidence. That's not a result of unconditional love. I was a mess. Whenever I felt the little pangs of missing him, I'd pull out my list of red flags and figuratively smack myself back into reality. People who love you just don't treat you the way my ex treated me. And I started pounding that mentality into my brain every single day. He's obviously not "faded to black" like you said... I don't think that's a reality. You'll always remember him, things you did... but as time goes on you kind of think of him less, or if you do think of him you'll be kind of indifferent. I still think of him a lot. Sometimes I get extremely angry and that's the last residual emotion I have left for him. And he'll never be gone entirely because I'm always on LS sharing my story, and helping others. I used to miss him A LOT but I realize it's because I made him my world. I truly felt I had no one in my life but him, and that's SO far from reality. I have at this point in time 4 guys who are interested in dating me. I'm not interested in them, but that's besides the point... my options are unlimited and there is a whole world out there for the taking. Getting out and DOING are the keys to moving on and meeting new people. I'm obsessed with Living Social. I got into Bikram Yoga, have gone on "dates" with these guys interested in me, have done speed dating, casino trips... I'm planning a Six Flags trip, an Atlantic City trip... and have a Bahamas vacation coming up in December. The dating gives me a bit of an ego boost to know there is NOTHING wrong with me the way my ex made me seem. I'm going to start volunteering at an animal shelter soon, I go explore new places, I'm planning on going on an "adventure" with a guy friend... a weekend road trip... see new things! If I were still with my ex...would I be doing any of this? NO. And that's what's truly sad. I bent over backwards to make him happy in so many aspects that I just lost myself. My identity. My happiness. 2
Cmac Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Keep busy. Exercise. Anything that keeps your mind off them. I wasn't well when my ex broke up with me, struggling with a flare up of a chronic illness I have, so it was really hard for me to go out and socialise, go to the gym and exercise, even leave the house. I was basically sitting alone with just my thoughts for the first 5 or so months of the breakup, so I feel like that has delayed things for me getting over her. I'm finally feeling better now and have been back at work, going out more with friends, and am about to get a gym membership in the next couple of weeks, this is all stuff that I would've been doing immediately afterwards had it not been for the fact I wasn't well. So in short, you need to lose yourself in your own life, find yourself as an individual again. Do things you enjoy, anything, just don't sit with your thoughts of them cos it will drive you insane. It's tough, but you'll get through it. Ultimately though, time is your best friend here, and over time you will feel better
KatZee Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Why on earth am i thinking about someone that doesnt think or care about me? Exactly. Why? This is the same question I asked myself when it had first happened, and that's when I woke up. I love myself as a person. There is nothing wrong with me. I'm fun. I'm funny. I'm caring. I'm supportive. I'm generous. I'm loving. I'm affectionate. I'm strong. I'm beautiful. I'm independent. I'm smart. I KNOW these things about myself and no one will ever again make me feel like I'm not any of those things. I will never again let someone make me feel like there is something wrong with me. Or that I'm weird. Write a list of things you love about yourself. And if your ex can't see these things, why would you give him one more second of your emotion? He's not worth it. Someone else is out there who CAN see the greatness in you. You need to work on your self esteem. Learn to love yourself. The second you learn to love yourself, is the second you'll let this guy go. 1
Cmac Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Also, headsashed, I remember you from the last time I was here. IIRC you and your ex had gotten back together and were giving things another go? I think this was back around Christmas time or something, take it things didn't work out the 2nd time around?
Author TheBetterPerson Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 Thank you for your help! It isnt that i want him back - NOWAY but i never got to say goodbye properly and maybe i never will and maybe thats a good thing! I want him out of my life, thoughts, mind!! He emails me sometimes and i think its only doing me harm! Iv seen him a few times with this new girl, the girl i used to also work with, he says they are going to Asia together!!! WTF!!! Hes literally replaced me, so i guess thats what i keep thinking about, when i saw them kissing at the end of my road i went for the biggest run of my life but i came home and cried! Time is a healer and thats what i say to all my friends but i dont want to waste this time! i guess im inpatient! How can one person say so much and then their actions say the opposite! God i sound so whingy! sorry guys, its just when i think its ok, i am better, the next day i feel like iv gotten worse!
Author TheBetterPerson Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 You need to work on your self esteem. Learn to love yourself. The second you learn to love yourself, is the second you'll let this guy go. Alot of people say this, so how do i do it? im not lacking in all confidence but i feel alone and that this probably is the last relationship i have with someone i had so much in common with!
KatZee Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Alot of people say this, so how do i do it? im not lacking in all confidence but i feel alone and that this probably is the last relationship i have with someone i had so much in common with! You're not lacking in confidence at all, and in the next breath you're saying this is probably the last relationship you'll have with someone where you have so much in common. You DON'T have confidence. You're making your life, and this split, all about him. How he's the last you'll ever have. He's the last guy you'll have so much in common with... really? Do you know how many people are on this planet? Your ex is no prize, it's not as if he's the best thing ever and you'll never meet another. You feel alone because you probably ARE alone. You need to force yourself out. Go see your friends. Go do new things and meet NEW people. You need to remove yourself from your comfort zone and get out there. Reconnect with people, put yourself out there and take the initiative. Also, set a filter on your email so you can't see when he contacts you. Send all emails from him directly to trash. Gmail does this. Set it up. 1
Author TheBetterPerson Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 You DON'T have confidence. You're making your life, and this split, all about him. How he's the last you'll ever have. He's the last guy you'll have so much in common with... really? Do you know how many people are on this planet? Your ex is no prize, it's not as if he's the best thing ever and you'll never meet another. Probably the best thing anyone has said to me! I have been out alot, probably too much! i just want one day where my thoughts do go straight to him! I think its cause i moved jobs to get away from him and this new girl at work hes going out with and this job isnt the best but it got me out of a situation, was hoping it would be brilliant and busy so i wouldnt have time to think of him but thats all i ever do! i really want to stop thinking of him!!!!
Author TheBetterPerson Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 i just want one day where my thoughts do go straight to him! that was ment to read where my thoughts dont go straight to him! Whhooppps
Cmac Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I'll let you know a little something that helps me. Think about someone who you always thought was really hot when you were with your ex, I don't mean a celebrity, I mean someone you actually know, preferably someone single. Whenever you catch yourself thinking about your ex, immediately switch your attention to this other person and imagine that you are in a relationship with them and are happy. It reminds you that your ex isn't the only person in the world, and reminds you that one day you can find happiness again with someone else. Whether or not you actually ever get with this person is irrelevant, it's more the fact that you are making your mind aware of the hundreds of other possibilities that are now open to you. I don't know if this makes sense to you, you might think I'm just talking nonsense, but it really seems to work for me and gets me out of the mindset that she's the only girl I'll ever be able to love/be with. Try to think of the possibilities of new beginnings rather than the painful end of a relationship. 1
Lisa_Lisa Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 It took me 17 years to get over my ex, but my situation was really different because I was in denial for so long and he lived so far away. I'd visit him every two years for about a month or two during the summer. We declared our love for each other and had great sexual chemistry, but our lives were on two different paths. I didn't see it that way though, I thought we'd be together forever, we just had to be patient. When we were apart there would no be no contact between us, no phone calls, texts, emails, absolutely nothing, so whenever I'd visit I'd want to things to pick up where they left off. Even after he got married and had two kids, I was still living in my own little fantasy world: that he loved me (because he told me he did and was only with her because he got her pregnant), that he wanted to be with me, and we'd grow old together. I think he just loved that I loved him and was so devoted. Thank goodness Facebook entered my life. He created an account to keep in touch with his wife since she had to move to another city for work. He'd post love quotes, videos, pictures, and would profess his undying love for....I was shocked, floored, and incredibly hurt. But I was foolish to think that he didn't love her. How could he not if she was there for him more than I was? It was just me. I lived in denial all those 17 years. I thought I couldn't love anyone else. And up until that moment I didn't love anyone else, just him, and I finally opened my eyes. It was staring at me in the face, plastered all over facebook, hey, I don't love bittersweet, I love my wife. I got my closure when I visited early this year. We started up again, as usual, he told me he loved me, blah, blah, blah. I said let's just call this sex, not love, but he said no, if you want someone to just sleep with then go ahead, but I make love to you because you're the only woman I love. I wasn't going to believe his lies this time. It was over. And I got to tell him to his face, I don't love you anymore. Why? Because of everything you wrote on facebook, I'm just sorry I didn't see it sooner. I could have been married and had children of my own by now. He ended up following his wife to the city she was living in, and he gave me a hug and said, take care of yourself. Thank goodness, it was finally over. My heart was free to love again, but I ended up falling for a low-life loser, and my heart break is back, ha ha ha. But I'm laughing because, hey, if you don't laugh you cry, am I right?
YorickBrown Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I'll let you know a little something that helps me. Think about someone who you always thought was really hot when you were with your ex, I don't mean a celebrity, I mean someone you actually know, preferably someone single. Whenever you catch yourself thinking about your ex, immediately switch your attention to this other person and imagine that you are in a relationship with them and are happy. It reminds you that your ex isn't the only person in the world, and reminds you that one day you can find happiness again with someone else. Whether or not you actually ever get with this person is irrelevant, it's more the fact that you are making your mind aware of the hundreds of other possibilities that are now open to you. I don't know if this makes sense to you, you might think I'm just talking nonsense, but it really seems to work for me and gets me out of the mindset that she's the only girl I'll ever be able to love/be with. Try to think of the possibilities of new beginnings rather than the painful end of a relationship. It does make sense to do it like that! Of course, what do I know? I was just going to reply... hookers! But seriously, I know this may kind of getting off-topic, but what's the best and quickest way to get over an ex? Or is there? (please don't say hookers!) See, the reason I'm asking is...well, not to brag, but my ex was really pretty (i'm a sucker for the PYTs Anyways, right before or during...i conveniently forget now...our break-up...I hooked up with her and we hit it off almost instantly...turns out to be a very close friend of hers who's nearly as pretty as she is (almost a clone)....and to top it off knows all her dirty secrets!!! Well, to make a long story short, after a few drinks... I get down and dirty with her!!! even though, I knew she has a boyfriend!!!She missed hers and I missed mine... What can I say? We were kinda drunk and horny... Quickest rebound ever! but I felt so guilty...that I well...got over my ex rather quickly than possible...do I make sense?
fificremefarben Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Hmm, i find this such a difficult one to answer. I will be one year post BU on friday. I have no desire to be with him anymore, I pity the woman he left me for and I know it could never be the same again between us. At the same time, my heart still hurts (although less so than when the BU was fresh) when I think about the cheating and the lying on his part (someone who I loved so, so much). More worryingly, I've thought about him every single day since the breakup. Not all day every day but, still, every single day. I don't know what that means in terms of me being "over it". Maybe I'm over him, but still not over what he did. It'll happen one day though and, when it does, I think I'll "just know" x
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