paras1te Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Hey Y'all, Here the situation, been together with my gf for about 5 years. We went trough allot and moved in together pretty quick. When we still had issues to solve on our own. So now she broke up with me and wants a house for her own etc. she says she needs space and to be really alone so she can solve her issues and be on her own. She says I don't have to be afraid for her to go to another guy or something, because she really wants to be on her own. (I pretty much believe her here, should I ?) The only thing that I'm really afraid of is, this might sound weird though. But I'm the only person she has ever had sex with. So I'm scared she will get curious for someone and because of the excitement the sex may seem better then she had with me and that she then never wants to come back with me. (she's not the type of girl though for one night stands etc, but still I'm scared of it then some guy flirts and she can't resist due to a long period of no sex) Should I be scared of this or am I just making myself crazy here. Anyone experience with this or tips? Thanks in advance
Ruby65 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I don't mean to be harsh, but your relationship with her is over. Of course she's going to become involved with other guys. Whatever she tells you now about this is just her trying to spare your feelings. She's not going to be telling you the truth because she doesn't want to hurt you. Your job right now is to try to accept what's just happened and eventually move on. Try not to think about her or what she's doing. Focus on YOU and your healing. Keep posting -- there's lots of support available here! 2
Gulf-Delta Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Whether it was her intention or not, she will prob end up with someone else. Will she come back to you...there's no way of knowing that, and I've never seen a "post-GiGs" post or thread on here regarding what happens to couples, dumpers or dumpees after GiGs
jmjacobs31 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 When my ex broke up with me he said he was not interested in dating other girls. The next day he tried to sleep with a coworkers. With in 3 months he had been out with 3 other girls and had another sending him naked pictures. I would not believe her. Shes probably just telling you this to make you feel better.
EmergenC Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Hey Y'all, Here the situation, been together with my gf for about 5 years. We went trough allot and moved in together pretty quick. When we still had issues to solve on our own. So now she broke up with me and wants a house for her own etc. she says she needs space and to be really alone so she can solve her issues and be on her own. She says I don't have to be afraid for her to go to another guy or something, because she really wants to be on her own. (I pretty much believe her here, should I ?) The only thing that I'm really afraid of is, this might sound weird though. But I'm the only person she has ever had sex with. So I'm scared she will get curious for someone and because of the excitement the sex may seem better then she had with me and that she then never wants to come back with me. (she's not the type of girl though for one night stands etc, but still I'm scared of it then some guy flirts and she can't resist due to a long period of no sex) Should I be scared of this or am I just making myself crazy here. Anyone experience with this or tips? Thanks in advance It is usually just hot air that they spout. But sex is just sex, don't let it bother you if you can reach that mindset. You have to understand she's free to explore now she's outside the relationship. I'm about 8 months on from my break, 6 months NC. My ex was the stereotype of the sweet southern small town girl with a great big heart of gold. If your relationship did just flip a 180 and she started going crazy like in most GIGS cases. Then feel free to read my posts so you can see what's happened along the way. You might not like all that you read I'm sorry to say, but it does get a LOT better. I'm pretty much indifferent these days and very much happy living MY own life.
Jono85 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 100% positive, and i literally mean 100%, that she broke up with you because she wants to try other guys. most girls will give that line and most guys will believe it for some reason. but make no mistake, the reason for the breakup is, as of right NOW (ie. maybe in a year, 2 months, 2 weeks, 5 years, etc. she will want to be with u again) she wants to try other guys. accept it, please, or it will just lead to a lot of pain/anger in the future. 2
Jono85 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 also, the only great advice u need, and should do, as hard/impossible as u might think it is initially, is to let her go. don't be her friend. don't go limited contact. let her go completely. try to move on. she won't forget u anytime soon...if she regrets the breakup, she has a much larger chance doing so if u don't try to contact her ever. she needs to miss u. but nonetheless, start doing this not in hopes she does that, but to get over her. 1
KatZee Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I don't mean to be harsh, but your relationship with her is over. Of course she's going to become involved with other guys. Whatever she tells you now about this is just her trying to spare your feelings. She's not going to be telling you the truth because she doesn't want to hurt you. Your job right now is to try to accept what's just happened and eventually move on. Try not to think about her or what she's doing. Focus on YOU and your healing. Keep posting -- there's lots of support available here! Agreed. When my ex was ending it with me he said everything your ex said. He just needed to be single, figure stuff out, was never single, needed to be alone... who do these people think they're fooling? Do you really think she's going to be single, exploring her new life, and NOT interacting with new guys? ESPECIALLY if you were her first and only? She's only saying it so she doesn't hurt you. Do you really expect her to say, "Yes. I'm ending it with you because I'm bored. I need more experiences, I want to go experience other men" ?? She's giving you the PG version of what's going through her mind, and will possibly try to keep you on a leash by giving you hope that one day she'll be back. This will allow her to explore new life, while keeping you on the back burner JUST IN CASE! things don't work out exactly as she hopes. 1
steveblack Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Sex is just sex. I mean, making love is totally different. I am going through a similar thing with 'needing space' 'gigs' and its sucks. there is no closure really and that is what I am fighting on a day to day basis. What ever the reason was that she broke up, she must of been thinking about it for awhile. Give her space. don't expect her to come back. Try to move on. Its tough, but you can't be there for her.
YorickBrown Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 100% positive, and i literally mean 100%, that she broke up with you because she wants to try other guys. most girls will give that line and most guys will believe it for some reason. but make no mistake, the reason for the breakup is, as of right NOW (ie. maybe in a year, 2 months, 2 weeks, 5 years, etc. she will want to be with u again) she wants to try other guys. accept it, please, or it will just lead to a lot of pain/anger in the future. Agreed. When my ex was ending it with me he said everything your ex said. He just needed to be single, figure stuff out, was never single, needed to be alone... who do these people think they're fooling? Do you really think she's going to be single, exploring her new life, and NOT interacting with new guys? ESPECIALLY if you were her first and only? She's only saying it so she doesn't hurt you. Do you really expect her to say, "Yes. I'm ending it with you because I'm bored. I need more experiences, I want to go experience other men" ?? She's giving you the PG version of what's going through her mind, and will possibly try to keep you on a leash by giving you hope that one day she'll be back. This will allow her to explore new life, while keeping you on the back burner JUST IN CASE! things don't work out exactly as she hopes. Interesting So its the same way for men and women huh? The "I need more space and want to be single again" line is really "I want to try to have sex with multiple partners also" (the Beautiful South song, A Little More Time comes to mind, but I digress) ....uhmmm...not to sound too naive or worse, chauvanistic here, but I thought its mostly men that are like that...and women are more "accepting", and perhaps forgiving of that "reality"..while its the opposite for men...it mostly drives us crazy So it takes an extra special kind of "men" to actual believe that bs and keeping their hopes up after a break up whatever the reason was...
Jono85 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 (edited) Interesting So its the same way for men and women huh? The "I need more space and want to be single again" line is really "I want to try to have sex with multiple partners also" (the Beautiful South song, A Little More Time comes to mind, but I digress) ....uhmmm...not to sound too naive or worse, chauvanistic here, but I thought its mostly men that are like that...and women are more "accepting", and perhaps forgiving of that "reality"..while its the opposite for men...it mostly drives us crazy So it takes an extra special kind of "men" to actual believe that bs and keeping their hopes up after a break up whatever the reason was... well when i gave my answer, i personally didn't necessarily mean the women want multiple sexual partners, i just meant they want to find a different partner (but possibly try many different partners, sure). all i mean is, whenever women say 'everything is just overwelming right now, my life is so stressful, i just need to find myself, be single/alone, don't want any relationships, etc etc' they really mean i don't want to be with YOU anymore, but am open and probably willing to go find a better match for me. or even worse and usually the case, 'i already have someone else i've found that i'm more into, so i'd like to date him for a while before making it an official relationship'. usually they wait a few weeks, a month, maybe 6 weeks, before making it official, so it doesn't look like they had him lined up during the previous relationship. Edited July 25, 2012 by Jono85
KatZee Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Interesting So its the same way for men and women huh? The "I need more space and want to be single again" line is really "I want to try to have sex with multiple partners also" (the Beautiful South song, A Little More Time comes to mind, but I digress) ....uhmmm...not to sound too naive or worse, chauvanistic here, but I thought its mostly men that are like that...and women are more "accepting", and perhaps forgiving of that "reality"..while its the opposite for men...it mostly drives us crazy So it takes an extra special kind of "men" to actual believe that bs and keeping their hopes up after a break up whatever the reason was... Both genders do this. I'm female and I pulled this stunt with the guy I was with prior to my most recent ex. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I had met someone else. So I told him I just needed space, a break, needed to sort myself out... it was honestly a load of BS. I wanted to go run off into the sunset with the new guy. women will rarely if ever, leave a relationship unless she has something lined up on the other side.
Author paras1te Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 Do you guys really think this is true and that she will mess around with other guys ? I mean she really has issues to solve that I'm aware of. She can't even sleep one night without me without being totally stressed out. So being with other guys won't solve her problem one bit. And do you guys think it's moral to do all these tricks being told on here. The whole NC and trying to get her back. I feel like I'm doing tricks to get her back. And if I then would it would seem like I tricked her. After reading all of your comments I got totally disgusted. Someone please tell me an other experience.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Do you guys really think this is true and that she will mess around with other guys ? I mean she really has issues to solve that I'm aware of. She can't even sleep one night without me without being totally stressed out. So being with other guys won't solve her problem one bit. She doesn't know it won't solve the problem. She doesn't have have you anymore, and will likely do everything she can to fill your shoes so she doesn't have to be alone. And do you guys think it's moral to do all these tricks being told on here. The whole NC and trying to get her back. I feel like I'm doing tricks to get her back. And if I then would it would seem like I tricked her. After reading all of your comments I got totally disgusted. Someone please tell me an other experience. No Contact is not the way to get your ex back. It's to help you move on. There are no tricks you can play to get her back. As I tihnk I said before, there is NOTHING you can do to change her mind.
YorickBrown Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Do you guys really think this is true and that she will mess around with other guys ? I mean she really has issues to solve that I'm aware of. She can't even sleep one night without me without being totally stressed out. So being with other guys won't solve her problem one bit. And do you guys think it's moral to do all these tricks being told on here. The whole NC and trying to get her back. I feel like I'm doing tricks to get her back. And if I then would it would seem like I tricked her. After reading all of your comments I got totally disgusted. Someone please tell me an other experience. Well, it may NOT be true for EVERYONE and it's NOT of course, 100% guaranteed that what we've been discussing here will happen that way (for all we know, your ex-gf could be sleeping with women:p --that would be another experience right there) Sorry, kidding aside...the reality is a) People LIE and/or keep secrets, they always do at some point and b) Relationships do NOT remain the same, they will change at some point, because people change. It's not a question of Morality, but of Reality.Yeah, its disgusting I know...but you/we just need to accept that. You call it "tricks", but I would rather think of it as "steps" in a process. Whether you just want to move on or get her/him back at some point, going NC is one of the first steps.
lemonlime Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I know that ALMOST ALL people are lying when they say that. I know thats true... but I have to say its not true for all people. People that are healthy and balanced, or want to be will know they have something they need to work on outside of a relationship, and then actually do it. Two examples. When I got divorced, I knew I wasnt ready and needed time to myself. So I spent 7 months doing that. When my ex and I broke up last year, thats what he told me. He needed time to work on things alone. He didnt know what would happen or if we would ever get back together, or see each other again. It was pretty terrible. Then we went 3 months of no talking or seeing each other. Either one of us was free to do anything. Neither of us did. Because we still loved each other alot. We both knew sleeping with someone else would mean it was over forever. We werent ready to let go. So we actually spent that time working on stuff that had messed up our relationship the first time.
Jono85 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I know that ALMOST ALL people are lying when they say that. I know thats true... but I have to say its not true for all people. People that are healthy and balanced, or want to be will know they have something they need to work on outside of a relationship, and then actually do it. Two examples. When I got divorced, I knew I wasnt ready and needed time to myself. So I spent 7 months doing that. When my ex and I broke up last year, thats what he told me. He needed time to work on things alone. He didnt know what would happen or if we would ever get back together, or see each other again. It was pretty terrible. Then we went 3 months of no talking or seeing each other. Either one of us was free to do anything. Neither of us did. Because we still loved each other alot. We both knew sleeping with someone else would mean it was over forever. We werent ready to let go. So we actually spent that time working on stuff that had messed up our relationship the first time. so did u have a surveillance team following him 24/7 or something, otherwise u don't know what happened in those 3 months.. u don't just risk letting go someone ur in love with, b/c u need to work on things. i don't know about that, if it happens it's extremely extremely rare. no one dumps someone that they are in love with and the person they feel they want to spend the rest of their life with. they just don't. 1
Canadian731 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 Idont agree with most here, if you are young like me, it could be totally possible that she just needs space, me and my ex moved I'm at 19 after 4 years together and it was still too soon, you get into a rut with one another and the fire starts to burn low, you get easily irritated with one another and so on. I think it's possible that she just needs some time to herself, but there is always a possibility that she is using that as an excuse to end the relationship. Either way, go straight into NC for now, just to prepare yourself for the worst (not having her in your life anymore) good luck
RogerWallace111 Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 (edited) Of course 90% of the responses you'll get on here are from people who got dumped and found out their ex already had someone else in mind, or was f*cking someone soon after. I'd say it's very possible that her thinking may not be "I've gotta go f*ck something, let me out of this relationship". That being said, soon enough she will sleep with someone, whether it's out of loneliness, need for sexual fulfillment, or just for the fun of it. But you don't have to buy all these responses implying that the reason she broke up with you was to f*ck other guys. Relationships can just grow stale, the excitement can pass, and one person will feel it's time to move on. But yes, she will get laid whether it's already happening or happens months down the line. Edited July 27, 2012 by RogerWallace111
lemonlime Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 so did u have a surveillance team following him 24/7 or something, otherwise u don't know what happened in those 3 months.. He would tell me. Mainly because he knows I find out all lol. Hes also not like that. If I wasnt doing anything, why is it impossible to think that he wasnt? The truth is you can love someone soo much, and want to be with them, but cant seem to make it work right. Stupid little things, old resentments, **** gets in the way. It doesnt change the love you have. But if you break up for a reason like that, its hard not to hope somethings going to change and it would work. You know it can, everythings there, it just gets screwed up. We both knew that if we slept with someone else it would be shutting the door on our relationship forever, and it was a risk neither of us was willing to take. Despite other people on both sides trying to convince us otherwise. And I know its true now, because a friend that is also a computer tech guy had to go through his backup file to look for a text message that he deleted that he needed for court. Not that I ever thought he did anything with anyone else, but I got confirmation of that (without asking for it from my friend) of that.
Author paras1te Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 He would tell me. Mainly because he knows I find out all lol. Hes also not like that. If I wasnt doing anything, why is it impossible to think that he wasnt? The truth is you can love someone soo much, and want to be with them, but cant seem to make it work right. Stupid little things, old resentments, **** gets in the way. It doesnt change the love you have. But if you break up for a reason like that, its hard not to hope somethings going to change and it would work. You know it can, everythings there, it just gets screwed up. We both knew that if we slept with someone else it would be shutting the door on our relationship forever, and it was a risk neither of us was willing to take. Despite other people on both sides trying to convince us otherwise. And I know its true now, because a friend that is also a computer tech guy had to go through his backup file to look for a text message that he deleted that he needed for court. Not that I ever thought he did anything with anyone else, but I got confirmation of that (without asking for it from my friend) of that. Thanks lemonlime I see it just as that! If I can go trough all this without seeing girls she must be able to do so as well. If she does is up to her. And if she doesn't it would maybe make it even easier for me to move on 'cause I hate sluts. I mean people could easily be on their on for a year. Know it's not fun but they can. I had a talk with her yesterday and told her I care for her and be there for her, but I also can't wait forever and have to move on eventually. I think this is giving the right balance of giving her space, yet not let her walk over me.
Ruby65 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 People don't always use the "I need space" line to go have sex with someone else. Often they use it just because they're no longer attracted to the person they're with. They still LOVE them, the way they love dear friends or family members..... they're just no longer IN LOVE (sexually/romantically attracted to them.) It has nothing to do with "space," "finding yourself" or "just not ready to be in a relationship right now." Those are all excuses -- polite ways of saying: "I'm no longer attracted to you but I don't want to seem so selfish and shallow, so I'm trying to make it sound like a noble quest for self enlightenment." Yeah, right. Honestly, I've got no horse in the race, here. Nothing to prove and no ax to grind. I'm over my exes and happy with my current relationship. This is just what I've observed among my history and that of my many single and married friends after 30+ years of dating and relationships. I've never known or have been involved with anyone who's left someone they were really in love with because of "space." If there wasn't someone new on the horizon, it's always been due to a lack of interest/attraction to the person they're with, pure and simple.
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