Gulf-Delta Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 6 months post breakup...1 month NIC...and I am still in love with her. Am I crazy, or is this normal....I feel it's gonna be a long time until I don't love her, if I ever do....how long before it because my feelings for her stop being normal and stop being creepy and pathetic?
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 6 months post breakup...1 month NIC...and I am still in love with her. Am I crazy, or is this normal....I feel it's gonna be a long time until I don't love her, if I ever do....how long before it because my feelings for her stop being normal and stop being creepy and pathetic? Hello, to be honest, my first relationship lasted for 3 years, when we broke up I didn't love him anymore. But it took me two years to get completely off the relationship. It would be shorter but my ex kept contacting me and threatening me. This one is different. It wasn't even one year. Three months and a few days after break up and I am still in love with him, although he treated me like I meant nothing to to him. I guess I am (due to lack of love) obsessed with him. Don't know what to do with this feeling. I wake up and I feel "love" to him. I am not sure how long will it take but I hope in one year I will be ok . How long were you together with your ex? I guess everyone needs different amount of time and it also depends how close you were and how much you invested into relationship.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 Hello, to be honest, my first relationship lasted for 3 years, when we broke up I didn't love him anymore. But it took me two years to get completely off the relationship. It would be shorter but my ex kept contacting me and threatening me. This one is different. It wasn't even one year. Three months and a few days after break up and I am still in love with him, although he treated me like I meant nothing to to him. I guess I am (due to lack of love) obsessed with him. Don't know what to do with this feeling. I wake up and I feel "love" to him. I am not sure how long will it take but I hope in one year I will be ok . How long were you together with your ex? I guess everyone needs different amount of time and it also depends how close you were and how much you invested into relationship. Together for two years, lived together since Day 2. Got engaged really quick too....which people will say was too fast, but we sustained the happiness for 2 years. It wasn't like we moved in fast and she was like "this is too fast," and then left. It was what we wanted and it was right. We both invested everything into it. We talked about having kids, how perfect everything was (it really was), no fights, complete trust and support. And out of nowhere, the last month, she decided to leave. In the course of ~30 days, she just completely changed. But today, I went to a mutual friend's house (my very close female friend) and there was a picture of her and my ex, and I was just stunned at how beautiful my ex looked in it :/ Of course that triggered all the memories, and all of the promises we made to each other. It made me realize how perfect things were. And I do mean they were perfect, up until the last month. I just miss her...not just her physical beauty, but her inner beauty too...I want her back more than anything in the world. She really is one of a kind...a real treasure. I really think she was the one... Am I just obsessed or what?
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Together for two years, lived together since Day 2. Got engaged really quick too....which people will say was too fast, but we sustained the happiness for 2 years. It wasn't like we moved in fast and she was like "this is too fast," and then left. It was what we wanted and it was right. We both invested everything into it. We talked about having kids, how perfect everything was (it really was), no fights, complete trust and support. And out of nowhere, the last month, she decided to leave. In the course of ~30 days, she just completely changed. But today, I went to a mutual friend's house (my very close female friend) and there was a picture of her and my ex, and I was just stunned at how beautiful my ex looked in it :/ Of course that triggered all the memories, and all of the promises we made to each other. It made me realize how perfect things were. And I do mean they were perfect, up until the last month. I just miss her...not just her physical beauty, but her inner beauty too...I want her back more than anything in the world. She really is one of a kind...a real treasure. I really think she was the one... Am I just obsessed or what? I am so sorry it seems you had so nice relationship. I don't think you are obsessed....as you say you both had very good relationship so I think you miss that. Is there a possibility to get back together??
Author Gulf-Delta Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 (edited) I am so sorry it seems you had so nice relationship. I don't think you are obsessed....as you say you both had very good relationship so I think you miss that. Is there a possibility to get back together?? Well, the split wasn't ugly or anything. There were no harsh words, and I know our time together really meant a lot to her. Even for a month or so after the breakup, we still said "I love you". And I know that whatever she loved about me in the first place...I'm still that guy...it's really all reliant on her remembering why she was with me... When we broke up, it took her a week to give me my ring back, because she said it hurt too much. When she moved out, we just cried on each other for a good 30-45 minutes. I asked if she loved me, she said she didn't know...I told her I needed time away from her to heal...and she started crying and said "Don't forget about me okay? Don't be gone forever...". It still makes me misty eyed when I tihnk about it. I always had a hard time seeing her cry.. But she went straight into a rebound...when I confronted her about it a while back (in late May I wanna say) I said the tihng that hurt most is that I was being replaced and she was falling in love with someone else....she responded (that in itself is a miracle) saying I can't be replaced and she doesn't love this guy...on the other hand, here we are 6 months after the split and she's still with him... I think getting back together could happen, emotionally, and everything...but she's just so distant now and so much time has passed it feels like it won't happen. It's been so long since we've even talked, you know? I mean, we don't really talk or see each other, so logistically, it does't seem possible. Edited July 25, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 (edited) Well, the split wasn't ugly or anything. There were no harsh words, and I know our time together really meant a lot to her. Even for a month or so after the breakup, we still said "I love you". And I know that whatever she loved about me in the first place...I'm still that guy...it's really all reliant on her remembering why she was with me... When we broke up, it took her a week to give me my ring back, because she said it hurt too much. When she moved out, we just cried on each other for a good 30-45 minutes. I asked if she loved me, she said she didn't know...I told her I needed time away from her to heal...and she started crying and said "Don't forget about me okay? Don't be gone forever...". It still makes me misty eyed when I tihnk about it. I always had a hard time seeing her cry.. But she went straight into a rebound...when I confronted her about it a while back (in late May I wanna say) I said the tihng that hurt most is that I was being replaced and she was falling in love with someone else....she responded (that in itself is a miracle) saying I can't be replaced and she doesn't love this guy...on the other hand, here we are 6 months after the split and she's still with him... I think getting back together could happen, emotionally, and everything...but she's just so distant now and so much time has passed it feels like it won't happen. It's been so long since we've even talked, you know? I mean, we don't really talk or see each other, so logistically, it does't seem possible. I sometimes can't even imagine having a nice relationship that would end like that . As I can see she moved on, she has a new man in her life and she is with him. I think it's the time to stop hoping, maybe it will happen one day, but not now. I don't know why she ended the relationship with you, firstly I thought she needed a break but after this message I don't think she is coming back to you. this sounds so hard I wish you best hm I think about it now, it seems to me weird she went straight into new relationship. I don't want to sound harsh but when did she meet the new man? I would put myself a question if I want to be with someone who went straight into new relationship. Maybe she isn't that perfect as you think. Why would anyone leave such a good relationship? Edited July 25, 2012 by Coffee20
ihateslowjams Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 6 months post breakup...1 month NIC...and I am still in love with her. Am I crazy, or is this normal....I feel it's gonna be a long time until I don't love her, if I ever do....how long before it because my feelings for her stop being normal and stop being creepy and pathetic? Not at all gulf... it just means she meant that much to you. Try to lay low for a while and try not to contact her or see anything that'll remind you of her. It really helps keeping NC while we still feel for our ex.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 I sometimes can't even imagine having a nice relationship that would end like that . As I can see she moved on, she has a new man in her life and she is with him. I think it's the time to stop hoping, maybe it will happen one day, but not now. I don't know why she ended the relationship with you, firstly I thought she needed a break but after this message I don't think she is coming back to you. this sounds so hard I wish you best hm I think about it now, it seems to me weird she went straight into new relationship. I don't want to sound harsh but when did she meet the new man? I would put myself a question if I want to be with someone who went straight into new relationship. Maybe she isn't that perfect as you think. Why would anyone leave such a good relationship? Well, I stopped "hoping" a while ago...but I still want it...and sometimes still think she will, but not for a long time. The way we felt about each other...that doesn't just go away. She always told me how I was going to make a great husband and father someday, and how she always feels safe and can trust me, I'm the only person that gets her, etc. The only conclusion I can come to is, she doesn't want these things at all anymore. I have no idea why she left, but I suspect this guy was already in the picture when we started having problems in January. I know for a fact it wasn't physical (I just know), but there was almost definitly an emotional affair. I don't know why she left...it doesn't make sense to me, and it never will. The only thing I can imagine is that money was tight. And it caused strain. I don't know. I just know we loved each other more than anything so much, and she just changed practically over night. In the message she sent me about not loving this guy she also said "I know you and you know the real me, so I tihnk you should understand what's going on" It's all so cryptic and I hate it, and I just want her back, really. It's almost like the universe is trying it's hardest to make me unhappy.
Zammo25 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 She had a plan b already. It is odd how a Woman can tell you, you are their World one day and completely change their mind the next day but they do.
Zammo25 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Anyway would you take her back after some other guy has been plowing her as Flitzanu would say ? That is a hard thing to do. I did it once and it did not work out. It is ok to not worry about relationships they had in the past when you met but when they have a new relationship after you that pretty much puts the tin hat on it don't you think ?
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 (edited) Well, I stopped "hoping" a while ago...but I still want it...and sometimes still think she will, but not for a long time. The way we felt about each other...that doesn't just go away. She always told me how I was going to make a great husband and father someday, and how she always feels safe and can trust me, I'm the only person that gets her, etc. The only conclusion I can come to is, she doesn't want these things at all anymore. I have no idea why she left, but I suspect this guy was already in the picture when we started having problems in January. I know for a fact it wasn't physical (I just know), but there was almost definitly an emotional affair. I don't know why she left...it doesn't make sense to me, and it never will. The only thing I can imagine is that money was tight. And it caused strain. I don't know. I just know we loved each other more than anything so much, and she just changed practically over night. In the message she sent me about not loving this guy she also said "I know you and you know the real me, so I tihnk you should understand what's going on" It's all so cryptic and I hate it, and I just want her back, really. It's almost like the universe is trying it's hardest to make me unhappy. It's not about you. I don't know what's in her head but....I have a close girl friend who has a very very good and loving boyfriend. Once she fell out of love (like after 1,5 year) she started to date another men behind his back. He has never realized that she did this. She told me that her bf hadn't done anything wrong, he was also very kind and loving to her but she wasn't happy anymore, she explained that she was bored and wanted to explore something new. She broke up with him and returned back later. After we met she told me the same, that she was unhappy and still wanted to explore something new. I think your gf simply fell out of love, or maybe she realized she wasn't in love anymore, had met this men and started falling for him, things are again new for her. But I DON'T KNOW THE SITUATION AND I CAN BE WRONG. Even if you take her back, if she would ever return, things will be probably same after a while. Anyway I am really sorry . Edited July 25, 2012 by Coffee20
Author Gulf-Delta Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 It is ok to not worry about relationships they had in the past when you met but when they have a new relationship after you that pretty much puts the tin hat on it don't you think ? Um, no, I don't. People break up, date others, and come back to each other all the time...whether or not this will happen for me...who the hell knows, but it does happen.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 It's not about you. I don't know what's in her head but....I have a close girl friend who has a very very good and loving boyfriend. Once she fell out of love (like after 1,5 year) she started to date another men behind his back. He has never realized that she did this. She told me that her bf hadn't done anything wrong, he was also very kind and loving to her but she wasn't happy anymore, she explained that she was bored and wanted to explore something new. She broke up with him and returned back later. After we met she told me the same, that she was unhappy and still wanted to explore something new. I think your gf simply fell out of love, or maybe she realized she wasn't in love anymore, had met this men and started falling for him, things are again new for her. But I DON'T KNOW THE SITUATION AND I CAN BE WRONG. Even if you take her back, if she would ever return, things will be probably same after a while. Anyway I am really sorry . Nah, you're probably right. I just don't know WHY she fell out of love. I don't understand how that happens...doesn't make sense. "Oh you're great and treat me well...well I don't like that, I'd rather be used and treated like ****. I'd rather be temporary." I mean, who the hell tihnks like that??
Zammo25 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Um, no, I don't. People break up, date others, and come back to each other all the time...whether or not this will happen for me...who the hell knows, but it does happen. Fine mate but for me if the person has had sex with someone else that is pretty much the end and it works both ways. I don't think any ex would want you back if you had done that and vice versa imo.
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Nah, you're probably right. I just don't know WHY she fell out of love. I don't understand how that happens...doesn't make sense. "Oh you're great and treat me well...well I don't like that, I'd rather be used and treated like ****. I'd rather be temporary." I mean, who the hell tihnks like that?? well it can happen....after being in love, another phase should come - love. But I guess some people after "the crazy being in love phase", start to look for the first crazy phase again. Because then they can feel boredom, stereotype, they see the real you and things are not like they were before and they might not like them I can't tell you why, because I have never fallen out of love...I only say what some of my friends who experienced this told me. I also think the love phase requires responsibility and maturity.
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 ok I will write you reasons which people who I was talking to told me and they were in similar situation - boredom - stereotype - relationship didn't have any direction, it was frozen at the same point for long time - wanting to have sex with someone new - wondering how it could be with someone new (will I find a better one??) - wanting to be single and enjoying life on their own Don't ask why, it will just kill you, I see you are very kind and caring man, I think you deserve better. And I agree with Zammo25, I wouldn't take her back.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 ok I will write you reasons which people who I was talking to told me and they were in similar situation - boredom - stereotype - relationship didn't have any direction, it was frozen at the same point for long time - wanting to have sex with someone new - wondering how it could be with someone new (will I find a better one??) - wanting to be single and enjoying life on their own Don't ask why, it will just kill you, I see you are very kind and caring man, I think you deserve better. And I agree with Zammo25, I wouldn't take her back. She was the best match for me. I wouldn't have gotten involved with her if she wasn't.
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 She was the best match for me. I wouldn't have gotten involved with her if she wasn't. well she was the best match, but now she is with someone else and she probably left you because of it, but to be honest I would feel the same as you do....because I still feel like that But imagine that someone left you and had sex right after BU with someone else and then returned, how could you trust her again?
Author Gulf-Delta Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 well she was the best match, but now she is with someone else and she probably left you because of it, but to be honest I would feel the same as you do....because I still feel like that But imagine that someone left you and had sex right after BU with someone else and then returned, how could you trust her again? Depends on what she does to earn it back. I would give her a second chance, because regardless of this rough stuff, she was great to me for 2 years...this screw up doesn't undo the respect and love she gave me, and she would deserve a second chance if she wanted it. Things would have to go slow, and it would be work. And it's not like she was just a cold hearted bitch about it either. She could've handled it better...but she didn't tell me she hated me, she didn't start any drama, she didn't bash me, she didn't rub it in my face, she hasn't tried to breadcrumb me.
barese1 Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 It sounds like you are in a similar situation to me in terms of how you're feeling. My ex was lovely, gorgeous and a very kind person, but think she wasn't ready for a relationship. That is now irrlevent. I have been in NC for 2 months and still miss her. I now know she has moved on so this pointless obsessing really isn't helping anything. You just have to find away of stopping these thoughts and holding NO hope, thats the killer. Maintain NC and just try and take each day as it comes and hopefully gradually we will feel better. They don't want us, we must accept that.
Recommended Posts