delawhere660 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 (edited) Please, help me make sense of this: --Girlfriend and I dating 5 months --she's entering her senior year in college and applying to grad school- she is 21 --i've graduated, have a career - I am 23 and live away from my family. --For 2.5 months I have been away for work, coming back every weekend. --she came from 3 year relationship where he broke up with her. She told me that our relationship is "exponentially better". She told me 2 months ago that she wants to work towards something i.e. marriage/being together. We are both very mature in our approach to things such as this and talk about it matter of factly. --I come from a 3 year relationship where I thought I was going to marry my ex. She also thought she would have married her ex. She spoke with her ex 2 weeks ago before she met my family so that she can have closure before moving on. She said that she did it for her and for us. She was very hurt by it. --she doesn't want children. I come from a large family with many nieces and nephews. I told her I believe having kids is just a concept and that I love her more than the concept of having kids. Which is true. She doesn't believe me. --She tells me she loves me, and that she basically wants to marry me. Then after meeting my (very large) family after 5 months of dating that she needs a breather to focus on applying to grad school and to fully grasp what it will mean to make such a commitment, that I am wonderful, and that she hopes our "paths reunite soon." I am under the school of thought that says breaks and breathers are complete crap. I think that if you really see yourself with someone, that you stick together. I think that she has overwhelmed HERSELF with the thought of actually making a commitment to me EVEN THOUGH I have no intention of taking it to the next level any time soon. What I need help with is organizing all these facts into really one idea or statement or conclusion so I can move on. I'm the type of person that needs to make sense of things or I will obsess over it. Help a brother out! Edited July 25, 2012 by delawhere660 Better wording
Chi townD Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 you are exactly right. If she knew that you were the man for her, there would be no reason for "a breather". You would communicate and work through the issues. Not run, like she's doing. Sorry dude. 1
JesseMartin Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 She's feeling a bunch of emotions right now that you can impossibly deduce and nor can she. She's acting on them by creating some distance, and rationalizing it by saying "I need a breather". I'm glad you can see that essentially doesn't make sense, strictly speaking. Women do it all the time. It doesn't mean she's lying tho. She can feel very attached to you, yet no longer romantically interested. You need to accept the fact that you can't figure out everything a hundred percent, a hundred percent of the time. If you need to understand things, strive to understand yourself better.
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 It's all B.S. She is organizing facts, reasons, and justifications just as you are right now. All of hers are for ending the relationship though. In short, she may not even know it, but she is getting the relationship & you into a position to end it. My suggestion is to politely end it without much discussion or justification. Then have no contact with her unless she comes absolutely begging. If she doesn't, move on.
Ruby65 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Chi town said it. She's not sure you're The One. She's trying to position things so that if she changes her mind later, she can still come back to you as a Plan B. There's no mysterious process happening here that's unique to Women. Guys do the same thing all the time. She's very young and has gone from serious relationship to serious relationship..... I sense GIGS here, that she'd rather be free to date around and see what else is out there. Sorry -- but at least you have the clarity to see what's going on and won't get pulled into getting put on the back burner!
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