Dafa Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Same is true of some men, what's your point? Avoid these people like the plague. It is true for men, no doubt, but that only affects me indirectly. Without going into a long text about it, in my view, you are telling to ignore 70-80% of the women i meet. It's possible that i'm quite unlucky with the woman i meet... Also, and what i'm going to say is founded not only in my experience but also in experiences from several well-travelled friends and acquantainces: Women in my particular country are very badly "accostumed". What is an average unsucessfull guy in my country goes to other european countries and fares much MUCH better. I guess i live in a singularity. An argument you can also throw at me is that perhaps i'm being too demanding of people? I'm much more demanding of boisterous and confident people than of humble and more relaxed people. My view can be stated through the saying: "You're talking the talk, now let's see you walk the walk". Most of these so-called confident (alpha-males, for example) people, don't measure up. See again this all comes down to the people you're dating. I have academic intelligence and humbleness and yet I've not really had that much of a problem with women. Regarding my self image? I don't think I'm ugly but I'm about 80 pounds overweight, nor do I think I'm particularly confident but apparently I come across as if I am. I just work with what I have and I know myself pretty well. Sounds like you date morons so the simple remedy to that is avoid said morons.Well, it's possibly that you have a well-based and correct self-image. I've met very few people who possess this trait. Men and women. In my view, academic intelligence can, in some circumstances, be counter-productive. Personally, i have to tone down my speech otherwise i'm told i'm too "intimidating". This is one example. Humble people will tend to be more moderate and allow other people to shine. This is a good quality but apparently, in the "dating" world, this will make you look like a passive guy, whereas apparently women like the alpha males, despite what some may say. Regardless, we can talk about your example to exhaustion but the thing is that you are not the average, you are probably beyond the standard deviation, whereas most people are within it and if we are to "build models" or "theories", then we have to mainly account them for the average guy (i.e., the rule), not the exceptions. Sounds like you date morons so the simple remedy to that is avoid said morons.You should know that such a simplistic solution is most likely not the best realistic solution... One thing is a person being a moron, another thing is a person acting like a moron on a given set of circumstances. Saying someone is a moron is way too radical. In my opinion.
dispatch3d Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 lol 9 steps. I have a 2 step plan. Step 1: Ask out girl. Step 2: Deal with rejection like a pro. 1
Dafa Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 You know darling, threads like these are the very reason why I joined Loveshack. I must've been a Life Coach in another life! First and foremost, we need to build up your SELF-ESTEEM. Clearly, that is what is lacking. Without a healthy self-esteem/self respect/call it what you will, you can never have any confidence in life. (The usual bla bla bla using common sense.) "In order for your world to change, you have to change your mind..." "You are the captain of your soul and the master of your fate. Remember you have the capacity to choose. Choose life, choose health, choose happiness!" Quotes from - The Power of your Subconcious Mind" by Joseph Murphy That's one heck of a good book. The other is "Only love is real" by Brian Weiss. Actually, there are heaps of other books. Google 'Inspirational Books', get them and read them. It works like a charm. You'll be ok. Make your life starts at 32. From this day forth, you are going to live the dream life you've always wanted! You can do it!! Point 9) is the only one that is worth reading, in my opinion. As for point 10)? It's the usual "you are a snowflake" theory. Also, gotta love these platitudes that every motivational speaker uses... These in particular are especially unoriginal. You don't need to buy the book. Just google "gandhi quotes" and see the movie Invictus. But hey, read the books. It's like the woody allen movie: "Whatever works". I would say that, unfortunately, the best advice is what the previous poster said: "lol 9 steps. I have a 2 step plan. Step 1: Ask out girl. Step 2: Deal with rejection like a pro. "
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Hello, I have to say, looks really isn't everything....EVERYONE considered my ex very ugly and me too when I saw him for the first time. But well, when he started to talk, there was something in his voice - he was very articulated, he was talking in lower voice, then where was a way how he stood - straight, he always kept eye contact. He was funny and very communicative, he was ALWAYS smiling when he was in front of people. It made a false overall impression that he was very confident and happy with himself and since then I found him attractive.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 So nerdy, plain and or chubby girls are easier? Not necessarily - but they tend to have fewer guys after them, so it's probably easier to get their attention, they're not as picky, and they'll appreciate you more. I'm sorry but i gotta ask: Do you really believe that? You yourself use the word "seem". Isn't there the possibility that he is just playing the long-term game? He is happy for you that i'm dating someone you like? Pardon me if i have a low opinion of human nature but there has to be some resentment there... With this said, that dating relationship you had: Did it involve "benefits", if you know what i mean? If that is the case, then it seems plausible that he also got what he wanted (casual sex with someone very attractive, from his standards) and he is open to rekindling that relationship. Yes, we had a casual, short-term dating and sexual relationship. I was open to considering something more with him, but he's too much of an underachiever, and he knows it. He's a sexy badass who doesn't really need a good job or anything beyond his charisma to get women. For now, he seems satisfied with that. He was clear about that all along, and I was clear and consistent in telling him that would never work for me for something serious. He had (and still has) nothing but raves about our time together. And I haven't gotten a trace of resentment from him. In fact, he ended the call by saying, "If you ever need anything, at any time, just call me." If my plans work out and I get rich someday, I will totally do something cool for him as a thank you. He deserves it. When people really help me in some way, I never forget it.
The Way I Am Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Yeah, that's what women are but in certain contexts, some of them are normal people who feel entitled to alot more than you can give. Even though they themselves are not up to par to the standard they set... But i digress. Those are the ones you shouldn't bother talking to. There are alot of positive traits that are not only irrelevant to the dating world but can even be counterproductive (academic intelligence or humbleness, for example). 2 of the qualities I find most attractive in a man.
The Way I Am Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 It is true for men, no doubt, but that only affects me indirectly. Without going into a long text about it, in my view, you are telling to ignore 70-80% of the women i meet. If that's actually true, then yes. Ignore them. Who cares about that 70-80% of the women you meet? It only takes one for a relationship.
Dafa Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Those are the ones you shouldn't bother talking to. 2 of the qualities I find most attractive in a man. As for academic intelligence, i have found that people (mostly women) tend to "close" a bit when i say directly what i do, whereas if i am vague, the ensuing conversation is much more natural. As for humbleness: My point is that humble people tend to be more low profile, and this is not good, from what i gather. Now, at this point it's important to note that when i talk about dating world, i'm not talking only about a 1-on-1 date with someone, i'm talking about, for example, being in a birthday party and interacting with people in it. Also, don't get me wrong, i see academic intelligence and humbleness as very attractive traits in a woman. However, in my experience, most people don't and who am i to say most other people are wrong...?
Dafa Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 If that's actually true, then yes. Ignore them. Who cares about that 70-80% of the women you meet? It only takes one for a relationship. Ah, but aren't people here always saying that finding a companion is a numbers games? If so, then initially ignoring 70-80% is quite substantial... Regardless, i don't think that it's a good policy to take anyone out of the board like that. People are always much more than what the initial superficial analyses give.
Snakechammah Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Point 9) is the only one that is worth reading, in my opinion. As for point 10)? It's the usual "you are a snowflake" theory. Also, gotta love these platitudes that every motivational speaker uses... These in particular are especially unoriginal. You don't need to buy the book. Just google "gandhi quotes" and see the movie Invictus. But hey, read the books. It's like the woody allen movie: "Whatever works". Lol! Obviously, my post wasn't for you. It was for OP. You, on the other hand, don't need any help since your smarty little pants have it all figured out!
The Way I Am Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 Ah, but aren't people here always saying that finding a companion is a numbers games? I'm not one of those people. I'm more about staying true to yourself and not worrying about dating. If the right person comes along, they'll come along. Regardless, i don't think that it's a good policy to take anyone out of the board like that. People are always much more than what the initial superficial analyses give. So what you're saying is that the 70-80% estimate you gave is not actually an accurate assessment but a superficial analyses. I said that you should ignore people who are actually like that not ignore people who you make a snap judgement about without knowing them. You ignore them at the point where you find out they're entitled and aren't up to par with their own standards.
sanju250 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Good quotes on confidence, I also just want to add one of mine: "Never Give Up in life" Regards quotes on confidence
RedRobin Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) Nice... I bet he's immensely proud to have been used as a stepping stone by someone that's a 'world away' from him. Yea, I'm not in favor of people being used... or ranked... except by actions/behavior/character. In that respect, some people could be millionaires or super gorgeous, but their character and integrity sucks so they will always rank 'low' in my eyes. I notice how some of these stories always get spun in a positive way ... anyway, back to the OP... Speaking of positive reinforcement... you may need to redefine what you consider 'positive reinforcement'. Alot of people find ways to 'trick' themselves into taking credit for the baby-steps that come along with learning a new skill. dog training is a good example... You reward the micro-behaviors leading up to the behavior you are shooting for... dogs who are into the 'game' of learning new tricks have fun with it too. They volunteer all kinds of crazy stuff to go for the treat. (um, this unfortunately does have some overlap on human behavior... it feels kinda sick, so I've never done it myself... but employers do it ALL the time...) Edited August 22, 2012 by RedRobin
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