How do you get over feelings for a friend?

[runningfar]

Is there any way to do so while salvaging the friendship?

 

He does know I was interested. I told him I might be sensitie now but should be able to let it fade into a regular friendship.

 

We talk daily and he has been very important to me for reasons completely unrelated to my feelings. I believe he is an exceptional person and would not be attracted to a person who I didn't believe was adding a lot to my life to know.

 

We probably would not be suited to a relationship anyhow, for many reasons, including distance. That knowledge hasn't faded the feelings in and of itself, surprisingly.

 

In the past, I've not had a problem responding in kind to romantic intentions or lack thereof. This is new territory for me!

 

Thank you.

[jobaba]

I'm definitely the right person to answer this question.

 

Give it time and limit contact.

 

Don't proactively contact him too much. How much he contacts you proactively will establish how much he actually values you as a friend. You might have a lopsided friendship on your hands.

 

If he does, and if you feel like you can handle it, continue to hang with him.

 

If the first sign of him hooking up with another woman (and it will happen) upsets you, then break contact.

[runningfar]

I'm definitely the right person to answer this question.

 

Give it time and limit contact.

 

Don't proactively contact him too much. How much he contacts you proactively will establish how much he actually values you as a friend. You might have a lopsided friendship on your hands.

 

If he does, and if you feel like you can handle it, continue to hang with him.

 

If the first sign of him hooking up with another woman (and it will happen) upsets you, then break contact.

 

I started doing this, worried that I was bothering him but he initiates contact at least every day. Sometimes just with advice on what he has been helping me with, or a joke, or that type of thing.. He doesn't ask how I am doing very often. That's more my territory.

 

I am sure it will, though it almost bothers me more when he complains about being lonely or having trouble meeting a woman. (To be fair, he hasn't done that since I was very clear how much I liked him. He didn't believe me the first time I told him; thought I was joking. Don't ask me.) In my head at least, I'd be happy for him if he found someone who made him happy.

 

Thanks for the help.

[wildgeese]

I had it bad for a close friend of mine for about a year. (We had a messed up FWB thing for a couple of months too, but whatever.) Definitely limit contact and give it time, like jobaba said. Depending on the two people, a friendship can most certainly be salvaged. That friend and I are back to being completely friendly (not close like we used to be) but still friends. Sometimes I look at him, will suddenly remember how absolutely crazy I was about him, and will want to laugh. I honestly forget about it most of the time and am just glad to have him as a friend.

[runningfar]

I had it bad for a close friend of mine for about a year. (We had a messed up FWB thing for a couple of months too, but whatever.) Definitely limit contact and give it time, like jobaba said. Depending on the two people, a friendship can most certainly be salvaged. That friend and I are back to being completely friendly (not close like we used to be) but still friends. Sometimes I look at him, will suddenly remember how absolutely crazy I was about him, and will want to laugh. I honestly forget about it most of the time and am just glad to have him as a friend.

 

 

Thanks.

 

Turns out he does have feelings for me, too, but is just realistic that given the distance and circumstance we could not work long term or seriously and he is not a casual type of guy.

 

 

Still is in the place I need to get over him.

I am having trouble accepting other dates because it would seem rude to go out with a guy when I have feelings for another guy. Should I just do it anyways?