KS11 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Do you think its possible to learn how to become cold to your feelings and emotions?? I've met some people along the way who seemed to be able to do this, or who were able to not give away any hint as to how they were feeling. Reckon it would make this all a lot easier if i could learn it as well..
jdids247 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 This is how I see it. It's easy to think you're OK when you clearly aren't. These people who shut off their emotions have demons they aren't dealing with. Demons always resurface unless you slay them. If you let out your emotions, you're most likely not going to be haunted by them. I know many people who are the same way and they surely aren't the happy people they portray themselves to be. Once something comes up that triggers that emotion, they deal with it in an unhealthy way and the demons arise once again. Some people think that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, but I find it the other way around - not showing is a sign of weakness. I know exactly where you're coming from. I wish I could say 'F*ck it, I don't care!' but you know deep down you really do care. 2
TG1 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Yes I am a type of person that yes I do deal with shutting my emotions off and why I do that is because I don't want anyone seeing me as being weak or vulnerable and by shutting my emotions off, it makes me seem more in control and it keeps me focused, like you know what I mean
Dblock10 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 This is how I see it. It's easy to think you're OK when you clearly aren't. These people who shut off their emotions have demons they aren't dealing with. Demons always resurface unless you slay them. i agree with this. If you let out your emotions, you're most likely not going to be haunted by them. I know many people who are the same way and they surely aren't the happy people they portray themselves to be. Once something comes up that triggers that emotion, they deal with it in an unhealthy way and the demons arise once again. dont agree with this because you will be haunted by regret of how you acted on those emotions at the time than when you are finally over it better and can thus deal with how you portray those emotions. Some people think that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, but I find it the other way around - not showing is a sign of weakness. i think not showing it is stronger but then you do suffer in silence. I know exactly where you're coming from. I wish I could say 'F*ck it, I don't care!' but you know deep down you really do care. true, if its not who you are then it will be very difficult to change, but if you work on it i think it can be achieved. but the sad thing is you won't ever be open to excepting someone that may actually be really into you but you would have given up that chance... :/
Author KS11 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Hmm im not sure...i think i agree with Dblock..i think not showing them is stronger. At least, from my experience, i was the one who always said how i felt (something i had never normally done until i met her) and she, by her own admission, was closed and found it difficult to speak her mind. And on the basis of how we are now, i know for fact she is doing fine, and im a mess. Nothing seems to phase or bother her. Where as i am, in no exaggeration plagued by my emotions for the entire day, every minute of day, every day of the week. I know what you mean about the danger in shutting off the possibilty of opening upto someone who could be into you, but as far as my mind is, that doesnt matter anymore. I know this girl is the closet i'll ever get to truly having that connection. You say you think you can learn to become 'detached'...how do you think it can be done?
Mr Scorpio Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 You say you think you can learn to become 'detached'...how do you think it can be done? Depending on one's definition of detached, possible solutions include meditation, exercise, and/or anti-depressants. I've found the current meds that I'm on have zombified me rather thoroughly.
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Some people think that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, but I find it the other way around - not showing is a sign of weakness. I agree with this, if someone isn't able to show emotions - at least in friendship or relationship, I think that it's the sign of weakness. But I understand the fact, that showing emotions to wrong people can be very dangerous. And I also know that not showing emotions is a good trait in our society, these people usually get very high and work in high positions.
Hat-Trick Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Do you think its possible to learn how to become cold to your feelings and emotions?? I've met some people along the way who seemed to be able to do this, or who were able to not give away any hint as to how they were feeling. Reckon it would make this all a lot easier if i could learn it as well.. You do NOT want to do that!
jdids247 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Let me elaborate a little further... ...I've seen so many people self destruct for not letting out pain and misery. A tragedy is something that needs to be emotionally let out otherwise it will haunt you. It's not something that's going to go away if you try to forget about it. I've always dealt with my issues head on. If you continue to run, the demons always catch up and hurt 10x as worse. In my opinion, if you need to tell yourself that everything is fine, you're in denial. Know what I mean?
Author KS11 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 hmm its a tough one. I kinda view the whole thing in seperate ways. I think, from now on, in the early stages on a relationship i will never give away what im feeling. It seems that that way if and when things do go wrong your not left feeling humilated. However, im still conflicted with that as in some respects im glad i was open about my feelings, although minimal, there is some comfort in knowing ive given everything i could. I duno, i guess im not making much sense. Essentially, like everyone i just want this pain to go away. I want to be ok that ive lost her, that she doesnt care, and shutting out the pain, like she has seems to be the best way to do that. I really do wish it was something i could do, but i think given my personality it'll be impossible.
jdids247 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 (edited) KS11, The pain will go away when you let it. It's a long road and it's going to be tough. It shows you clearly care about this girl and her actions are showing you that she didn't care as much as you did. That's a kick in the gut no matter who you are. The problem with today's view on relationships is there's always something better, throw it away if it doesn't work instead of fixing it. There's no fight left in anyone it seems. My ex acted the same way. That's the only way they know how to deal with pain. She's just trying to act like she's strong and that the breakup didn't bother her. She's acting this way to make it seem like you were the issue but most likely she was the one with the problems and it wasn't you at all. As soon as I brought up I wanted to work out our indifference when we didn't talk for two months, she broke down crying but was trying not to cry in front of me. This 'toughness' is just an act sometimes for these people. Another couple months later, the same thing happened when I told her I was sorry I was accusing her of cheating if she claims didn't do anything wrong - she wasn't doing anything wrong but her actions proved otherwise. Sometimes I think it's the guilt that makes them act the way they do. If they don't show any emotions, they won't feel the guilt as much. Personally I think it's emotional immaturity, but that's me Edited July 25, 2012 by jdids247
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I am in the same position KS11, my ex rarely showed any emotions to me. Through our whole relationship - when I cried, when I was sick, when my mum was sick, when we had sex....there was almost no sing of emotions, I used to think that he was person like that, he didn't like to show emotions. When we broke up - no emotion, when we met later, he was very very calm, I was crying a lot, he was blaming on me and he even seemed to enjoy it. Right after BU he was partying, adding thousands of new pics to his fb (I don't have fb anymore), commenting how finally happy he was. I sometimes envy him, because without emotions things would be easier, but still I am not sure, whether he really doesn't feel anything, or just lives in denial.
Author KS11 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 Im sorry to hear you guys have both been treated like cr*p too! It does make me think though that these people are missing out on the chance of something really special by being so closed. I know this is a little off topic, but as we seem to be in similar situations, i was wondering if you could shed some light on what i should do. Basically i've been thinking more and more that its time for me to go NC with this girl (we've never been together 'officially') but i dont know whether i should tell her explicitly why i cant speak anymore, or just leave it. But then when she messages me, i dont really want to just ignore her? This probably sounds pathetic, i guess i dont really want to make any lasting damage in the hope that something might change in her. Im not even sure i can NC, i've tried in the past.
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Im sorry to hear you guys have both been treated like cr*p too! It does make me think though that these people are missing out on the chance of something really special by being so closed. I know this is a little off topic, but as we seem to be in similar situations, i was wondering if you could shed some light on what i should do. Basically i've been thinking more and more that its time for me to go NC with this girl (we've never been together 'officially') but i dont know whether i should tell her explicitly why i cant speak anymore, or just leave it. But then when she messages me, i dont really want to just ignore her? This probably sounds pathetic, i guess i dont really want to make any lasting damage in the hope that something might change in her. Im not even sure i can NC, i've tried in the past. I went for NC, although I broke it twice. And it was huge mistake I only got into fights. If you still talk to her, then tell her that you want to go NC at least for some time. NC really helps a lot. Try not to look up for her, good idea is also to delete her from social media. I am sure you can do NC, if I am able - and I am obsessed with my ex, you can do it too. Then I got new hobbies and returned to old hobbies I used to have. Spending time with your family or your friends, doing some sports or whatever you like will help too. Listening to other people stories or helping people helped me a lot after my first break up.
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