steelgator Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I was never the type of guy that liked to just have fun with multiple girls(have sex and a few drinks). But now that this is the 2nd time i have experienced heart break. Maybe I understand those guys and the benefits of being single and having fun with whoever comes your way. It prevents heartbreak and you get the other benefits at the same time. Anyone else thinking about doing this?
Coffee20 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 ashamed to say....YES I sometimes think now like that. My ex was a multidater and I was stupid enough to fight for him all the time. So his method was successful. Maybe If I do the same I will have more luck in the future. I feel like giving up on love because I have never experienced anything else than one sided love. I loved or the other person loved. I used to think if I try hard enough for the person I might earn at least their kindness or respect. But I was wrong.
pathetic1999 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Sad to say yes, when I am too nice is when guys disregard my feelings.
BrokenMirror Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I was never the type of guy that liked to just have fun with multiple girls(have sex and a few drinks). But now that this is the 2nd time i have experienced heart break. Maybe I understand those guys and the benefits of being single and having fun with whoever comes your way. It prevents heartbreak and you get the other benefits at the same time. Anyone else thinking about doing this? As tempting as that may sound to some people, do you really want to be known as a player? Yeah, it numbs the pain temporarily, but it's what makes you human. You learn and you move past the pain and you learn that that girl was not the right choice for you. Would it satisfy you to get drunk and have sex with a girl and just play her? Because you may be trying to numb your pain, but her feelings will get hurt, especially if she is naive and really thinks you like her. I once had a guy who I thought liked me. He was sweet and once he got the kiss he wanted, he said I was too "nice" of a girl for him and he didn't want to be with me because he didn't want to hurt me. It's not the right path. Just walk through the pain, that's all we can do.
BrokenMirror Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 ashamed to say....YES I sometimes think now like that. My ex was a multidater and I was stupid enough to fight for him all the time. So his method was successful. Maybe If I do the same I will have more luck in the future. I feel like giving up on love because I have never experienced anything else than one sided love. I loved or the other person loved. I used to think if I try hard enough for the person I might earn at least their kindness or respect. But I was wrong. Don't. You should never have to beg for someone's attention. They should give it to you by themselves. And if you had to beg, then that guy wasn't the right one for you. And don't give up on love because I am sure that your prince charming is out there somewhere, wondering why his relationships aren't working.
Dblock10 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 pretty much. when your young what do you really have to loose? maybe being this way inclined is the only sensible option in this day and age. it makes sense. and i have learned the hard way yet again, it was a one way sided love. i too thought if i kept at it, she would start to fire back some love and attention and effort but i was wrong. don't think I'm going to put myself through this a 3rd time. not now. maybe in the future and if i read the signs that the girl is majorly into me. until then, root it and boot it
Coffee20 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Don't. You should never have to beg for someone's attention. They should give it to you by themselves. And if you had to beg, then that guy wasn't the right one for you. And don't give up on love because I am sure that your prince charming is out there somewhere, wondering why his relationships aren't working. thanks, but I can't believe that there is my charming prince out there , I don't even have high expectations - someone who would love me and respect me for me and be interested in me would be enough, sometimes I think I have no expectations at all
BrokenMirror Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Trust me. he's out there somewhere! And they should live up to your expectations and then some 1
Tulsy Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 As tempting as that may sound to some people, do you really want to be known as a player?... Would it satisfy you to get drunk and have sex with a girl and just play her? Because you may be trying to numb your pain, but her feelings will get hurt, especially if she is naive and really thinks you like her. I once had a guy who I thought liked me. He was sweet and once he got the kiss he wanted, he said I was too "nice" of a girl for him and he didn't want to be with me because he didn't want to hurt me. It's not the right path. Just walk through the pain, that's all we can do. Who worries about being called a player? There are plenty of women out there who play the game too...times have changed. Women and men have needs in that department, and most are sick of getting hurt...everyone has been there, done that. People that play the field are playing other players...everyone knows the name of the game...it's 2012. Nothing wrong with it. It's a great way to meet people, have great fulfilling sex, and maybe find the right person too. You go in, "not looking for a relationship" at the time, just mingling, up for whatever...meet girls/guys who are doing the same....every so often you get lucky, meet someone you are very compatible in the sac with. May turn out, you share likes of a lot of other things too...start hanging out, going on some real "dates"...very comfortable. Many evolve into something more, and many don't...but even when they don't, you are LIVING an attractive and fun lifestyle, which is very attractive to the opposite sex. Nothing wrong with playing the game. At least you aren't being played for a fool. It's not like a rap video. Take some chances...you only live once, so live it up a bit.
Author steelgator Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 I only say this because I have not looked for a serious relationship until this past year(I'm 21) and have gotten my heart broken twice. Up until this year I would just go on casual dates with girls and end up just being friends and every once in a while when we see eachother out hook up or something and I was extremely happy with my life. However I thought it was time to start looking for someone I can spend alot of time with and actually love because it was something I've never experienced before. But now that I've gotten my heart broken twice and i just end up being so depressed and unhappy in life, i'm left feeling unwanted and worthless. I miss the old me who could care less if i had a dating life or not. But at the same time i wish I could find the one its such a dilemma
Dblock10 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) know how you feel man. i have had a range of relationships as i am 26, let me say, the best experience i had was being in a serious long term relationship. until it ended. dating is fun and keeping it casual is ok, but i know what you mean about wanting more. i went from the age of 21 to 24 without any serious gf, it was up and down, good at times, unfulfilling at others. then i met my now ex and i fell for her so much, it felt like i had met the girl i was holding out for and gave me a sense of place finally having a gf for longer than a few weeks. well thats ended and i was heart broken again. and still it hurts. so i am giving up on that now and going to just try and enjoy myself and hook up here and there and make more girl friends not 'girl friends' as i personally feel being 20-30 is just not the time you will find some one who really wants to settle. not in my experience anyway, plus because i look fairly young for my age (people think i am 21-22) i do date a lot of girls in that age bracket and yeah, seems like they are not fulfilled in life to settle for any amount of time unless they are in the same time and place as you. they have their life to live and don't mind if you are no longer part of it, as long as what they are doing makes them happy. so i have to say can't beat them join them. i.e the player lifestyle Edited July 24, 2012 by Dblock10 1
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I only say this because I have not looked for a serious relationship until this past year(I'm 21) and have gotten my heart broken twice. Up until this year I would just go on casual dates with girls and end up just being friends and every once in a while when we see eachother out hook up or something and I was extremely happy with my life. However I thought it was time to start looking for someone I can spend alot of time with and actually love because it was something I've never experienced before. But now that I've gotten my heart broken twice and i just end up being so depressed and unhappy in life, i'm left feeling unwanted and worthless. I miss the old me who could care less if i had a dating life or not. But at the same time i wish I could find the one its such a dilemma Know what you mean, I am 23 and thought I was going to marry my ex within maybe 5 more years. I saw clearly he doesn't care much nor love me, but I believed that the love thing will just come after some time. Well when he didn't love me after almost 1 year, he even grew a a lot distant, said a lot of weird things I finally saw he didn't want to be with me. I would like to meet someone who would like to spend with me the rest of the life, but on the other hand I have never met a boy (in 20's) who would like to settle down.
Dblock10 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 thing is, i am a male and if i met someone i really liked like my ex, if they wanted to stay with me now throughout life, i wouldn't look else where. but i think its best to remain single unless you do find someone truly amazing who makes you feel amazing.
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 thing is, i am a male and if i met someone i really liked like my ex, if they wanted to stay with me now throughout life, i wouldn't look else where. but i think its best to remain single unless you do find someone truly amazing who makes you feel amazing. this is a good idea, it's better to have just flirts than to get into relationship with someone and doesn't mean it , like my ex did
Ponzzz Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 you're not alone. I feel like being a player too sometimes. My ex keeps asking all my mutual friends how im doing and is somehow shocked that I haven't tried to be her friend. So clueless....
SuperGeek Posted July 26, 2012 Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) OP, My advice is to get laid as much as you can but be safe about it AND don't lie to get laid. If you're going to get laid, make sure you tell the lady that you're not looking for anything serious and try not to make any promises. [ That is how people get hurt ]. If you can meet a girl that is also going through a breakup that is the BEST situation because you both can just agree to have a "FWB - friends with benefits" thing going for awhile. Just be careful, people can get attached so both people have to be upfront about what is going on. Also avoid married people as that is a severe hazard (and it's hard to do this because some married women are very very persistent on using you for an affair). Now I know my advice might not be popular with the females here, but I'm not on this site to win a popularity contest so....... females you may bash/flame me for this advice I'm giving to the OP Getting laid a certain amount after the ex left helped me a lot. It was kind of a distraction while the time passed. I do think it's a good idea to have some time alone though. And I'm not sure if some females will admit it, but usually they go through the same phase too. I'm friends (platonic) with a few women going through divorces and let me tell you... it's messy lol. One of them has completely reverted back to college style behavior -- she's very educated and smart, so I'm sure it's a phase. I'm in the hermit phase myself where I'm not a whore right now. Self reflection and all that jazz is the stage I'm in currently. Go have some fun now so you will have it out of your system before the next special girl shows up. Or hell, you might meet that special girl by having fun. Who knows! You only live once! SuperGeek Edited July 26, 2012 by SuperGeek
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