irc333 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I saw a "new user" appear in my area.....age 38...and believe it or not, says she's a single parent. And has "Yes" for wanting MORE children. Personally, I thought when women got married, had kids, got divorced....and esp. reached a certain age, the desire for children would go away. I figured women of any age that had never had kids, the craving were VERY high. But for a woman who already had kids (and almost 40), the desire would drop significantly? Sometimes I feel like asking them, "Your almost 40, you have kids....why do you want more of them?" Of course, that might go over like a lead balloon. LOL
Silly_Girl Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I saw a "new user" appear in my area.....age 38...and believe it or not, says she's a single parent. And has "Yes" for wanting MORE children. Personally, I thought when women got married, had kids, got divorced....and esp. reached a certain age, the desire for children would go away. I figured women of any age that had never had kids, the craving were VERY high. But for a woman who already had kids (and almost 40), the desire would drop significantly? Sometimes I feel like asking them, "Your almost 40, you have kids....why do you want more of them?" Of course, that might go over like a lead balloon. LOL I have a teenager, I'm 36, I would love to have more kids. I may not do so for various reasons, but I feel I have a lot more parenting left in me yet. Do you have kids irc? 1
Author irc333 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 I have a teenager, I'm 36, I would love to have more kids. I may not do so for various reasons, but I feel I have a lot more parenting left in me yet. Do you have kids irc? No.....when I was younger, I did want kids...but now that I've gotten to a certain age....I just don't like the idea of being an elderly parent.
Silly_Girl Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 No.....when I was younger, I did want kids...but now that I've gotten to a certain age....I just don't like the idea of being an elderly parent. Do you mind if I ask how old you think is too old to be a new parent?
xxoo Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 irc, do you realize how many men in this age group also hope to have kids? If she checks "no", she'll be excluded by all those men. 6
Radu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Tbh, at 38 and dating, chances to have more kids are going towards 0. You could interpret it as 'i'm not bothered by not using BC'.
Author irc333 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 irc, do you realize how many men in this age group also hope to have kids? If she checks "no", she'll be excluded by all those men. Well, considering she lives in a small hick town in my area....most everyone are daddys by mid 20's. lol
Anela Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I know a lovely woman who remarried last year. They've been together since late 2006, and he finally proposed last Spring - they were married in August. She already has one boy, and both she and her husband hope for a baby. It probably would go over like a lead balloon (your question), unless she's in a very good mood. I think I need to steer clear of this forum today, myself, considering the lovely reminders that I'm pretty much past it (according to some of you), have already started, and I'm not in the right mood to take it generously.
Author irc333 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 LOL>..the "lead balloon question" would be just that...but it would lead into other questions like "Aren't you worried about health issues or risks during pregnancy?" Because that's always an issue, they say beyond 40, when women start having kids, the risk to health becomes higher. I know a lovely woman who remarried last year. They've been together since late 2006, and he finally proposed last Spring - they were married in August. She already has one boy, and both she and her husband hope for a baby. It probably would go over like a lead balloon (your question), unless she's in a very good mood. I think I need to steer clear of this forum today, myself, considering the lovely reminders that I'm pretty much past it (according to some of you), have already started, and I'm not in the right mood to take it generously.
Art_Critic Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 My wife was on the back half of her 30's and I was 45 when our son was born... While it was our first I don't think the desire to stop having kids comes from having a child but rather from age.. it seems to have a way of forcing the fact that you no longer can have kids becuase of the natural fact of no longer being child bearing age. My wife has mentioned wanting another child a couple of years ago.. it is natural and she didn't want to have our boy grow up an only child but at my age having more than one would be a bit overwhelming and we decided to not go there. So.. I think it is an individual process and like other posters mentioned.. if she clicked that she no longer wanted kids then it would leave out men that already have them.
xxoo Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 LOL>..the "lead balloon question" would be just that...but it would lead into other questions like "Aren't you worried about health issues or risks during pregnancy?" Because that's always an issue, they say beyond 40, when women start having kids, the risk to health becomes higher. The health risks for the baby increase when the man is beyond 40, too. Still, doctors facilitate conception beyond 40. Do you know better than the doctors? Also, there is always adoption. And unless you are going to have a baby with her, it is none of your business. 3
Radu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 The health risks for the baby increase when the man is beyond 40, too. Still, doctors facilitate conception beyond 40. Do you know better than the doctors? Also, there is always adoption. And unless you are going to have a baby with her, it is none of your business. Obviously US doctors have a reputation for being altruistic and not money crazy.
ASG Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Obviously US doctors have a reputation for being altruistic and not money crazy. But it's not just in the US, so your argument is irrelevant. My cousin's wife is 41. She has a 14 year old boy from her previous marriage and now has a 2 year old girl with my cousin. There were no problems at all! Same with my step sister, who also has a 2 year old and is now 42! Sure, there are more risks, but at the same time, the optimum age for having kis is around 25 and these days I don't see a lot of people worried about it! 1
mickleb Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 This is a good question. irc, you're incorrect about women who have not had children yet having an increasing desire to have them. My biological clock went crazy when I was in my early 30's. After that I stuck my head back on and figured that having kids might not happen for me. Part of this was honestly asking myself if I really wanted kids. At the time, I still very much liked the idea that I'd meet 'the right guy' and have a child but, over the past few years (I'm 40 now), that desire has decreased, as the reality of the responsibility has become clearer. And with the understanding that there are plenty of children already in the world that need the attention of sensible adults. Anyway, xxoo's post (#5) is a major factor to consider. She may want more kids, she may not give a squirrel's toe but she does want some dates! My profile is checked on 'maybe', mostly for this reason. But I wish more people, in general, asked themselves why they want kids, nd really thought about it. Giving birth after 40 isn't ideal with regards to health and energy levels. Sadly, giving birth when you're younger might mean you're not psychologically ready enough! After analysing it quite thoroughly, I really don't get why people have to have their own kids. So many need adopting - or at least, some kind of mentoring - as it is. To me it's mostly a complex exercise in ego. I don't mean to offend by that comment. I am still very much interested in why people feel the need to do it. I don't rate the 'it's natural' argument, either. A biological urge is just that: an urge. Most people deal with their other bodily desires much better than this one. (Ooh look at me on my high horse! )
serial muse Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 irc, do you realize how many men in this age group also hope to have kids? If she checks "no", she'll be excluded by all those men. This is exactly what I was thinking. It's possible she said "yes" because she knew that would widen the pool of potential men for her to date.
Author irc333 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 I think it is an individual process and like other posters mentioned.. if she clicked that she no longer wanted kids then it would leave out men that already have them. Not necessarily.....she'll date other people with kid, but doesn't want to HAVE children (new children). It's true, around early 30's women without kids are wanting kids, even though I'd date women that age, there's very few that say that they don't want kids, so the ideal age for me to date women would be around late to early 40's or even a bit older....at an age where they had kids, but....not likely to continue to have more of them.
Silly_Girl Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 This is exactly what I was thinking. It's possible she said "yes" because she knew that would widen the pool of potential men for her to date. 'Maybe' would surely reap the biggest rewards? I know many men in their 30's who absolutely would not want more kids.
Robert Z Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Have you ever talked with a child whose parents could be the parents of their friends parents? As a matter of personal interest I have pursued these discussion on a number of occassion and they were generally negative. I had a good friend who was born to a couple in their late 40s... well, his dad was, his mom was a bit younger. He was very resentful about their age because he always found it embarrassing. His dad was too old to hang out with the other dads, or to play baseball, or to connect with Doug on a psychological level. The age difference was just too great. He loved his parents but was largely emotionally alone. He mostly blamed their age for that as he got older.
Radu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) But it's not just in the US, so your argument is irrelevant. My cousin's wife is 41. She has a 14 year old boy from her previous marriage and now has a 2 year old girl with my cousin. There were no problems at all! Same with my step sister, who also has a 2 year old and is now 42! Sure, there are more risks, but at the same time, the optimum age for having kis is around 25 and these days I don't see a lot of people worried about it! Depends on the country, generally speaking doctors in the US [and by extension UK] come from a different profession than doctors in the rest of Europe [just to give an example] so there are different standards of pay. Take this couple i know of [friends of my parents]; he's a respected oncologist, she is a respected gynecologist, in their 50's, immigrants in Portugal and they make together maybe 7k euro's a month [after taxes]. But getting back to the subject at hand, i didn't say it's impossible, i implied that the probability of them getting pregnant takes a huge nosedive. The woman in the OP is 38, you don't have more kids with a guy you have ONS, so add a few more yrs, you are looking at having kids in your early 40's, possible but quite hard. That's all. Have you ever talked with a child whose parents could be the parents of their friends parents? As a matter of personal interest I have pursued these discussion on a number of occassion and they were generally negative. I had a good friend who was born to a couple in their late 40s... well, his dad was, his mom was a bit younger. He was very resentful about their age because he always found it embarrassing. His dad was too old to hang out with the other dads, or to play baseball, or to connect with Doug on a psychological level. The age difference was just too great. He loved his parents but was largely emotionally alone. He mostly blamed their age for that as he got older. My parents were in their early 30's and most kids had parents had their kids in their early 20's. That and a few other choice tidbits about them [one of the few couples in class with parents who were 'intellectuals' in a system that punished it], made it quite interesting. I'm not mad at it, but your point is very interesting. I never played sports with my dad, or did my parents had many friends in my class's other parents. I'll probably have kids in my mid 30's ... so i need to take this into consideration and adjust for it. Edited July 24, 2012 by Radu
xxoo Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Difference being is that men can safely have children at any age whereas women become ever more likely to produce defective offspring as they age. If you are truly interested, google the effects of aging sperm on fetal health. I think you'll be surprised by what you learn. Anyway, there is also adoption, egg donation, sperm donation, and surrogacy.
serial muse Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 'Maybe' would surely reap the biggest rewards? I know many men in their 30's who absolutely would not want more kids. Probably true, but I don't know whether that's an option or not.
TG1 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 If you're 40 and you want more kids, wouldn't your biological clock be ticking on having kids and not to mention if your kids are practically grown and you want more kids, then wouldn't it be kind of weird to be at your age having more kids considering your kids are practically adults themselves and you want to have more
maybealone Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I think there are many reasons a woman nearing 40 would say she wants more kids. -- She just wants more kids, and is hopeful that will work out for her. -- She knows if she says "no" or even "undecided" it will eliminate a lot of men from finding her in a search. (I don't do OLD but I have looked at profiles, and I am amazed by the number of men in their 40s and 50s who say they want kids.) -- She is one of those people that believes every relationship needs to be "cemented" (for lack of a better word) with kids. There are plenty of men and women like that out there -- I've known couples that got pregnant almost immediately after a second or third marriage in the "We have no time to waste to mix our genes!" sense. -- She wants more kids in the sense that she will date men with kids, and either wants to make sure that's clear or misunderstood the selections.
TG1 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I think there are many reasons a woman nearing 40 would say she wants more kids. -- She just wants more kids, and is hopeful that will work out for her. -- She knows if she says "no" or even "undecided" it will eliminate a lot of men from finding her in a search. (I don't do OLD but I have looked at profiles, and I am amazed by the number of men in their 40s and 50s who say they want kids.) -- She is one of those people that believes every relationship needs to be "cemented" (for lack of a better word) with kids. There are plenty of men and women like that out there -- I've known couples that got pregnant almost immediately after a second or third marriage in the "We have no time to waste to mix our genes!" sense. -- She wants more kids in the sense that she will date men with kids, and either wants to make sure that's clear or misunderstood the selections. I guess you have a point
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