USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 It is unmanly. When a man says to a girl "you know, I'd appreciate it if you initiated texts a little more. Getting tired of doing all the work." I highly doubt her first thought is going to be "wow, what a confident manly man! wheeew! take me now!" more often than not it's gonna be "wow haha. this guy is really needy" And I view this as simply a reflection of maturity, or lack thereof. I have a feeling if she threw this in my face over texting, she'd probably try throwing it in my face for many other issues... ...I'm just not going to deal with it... 1
Emilia Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 It is unmanly. When a man says to a girl "you know, I'd appreciate it if you initiated texts a little more. Getting tired of doing all the work." I highly doubt her first thought is going to be "wow, what a confident manly man! wheeew! take me now!" more often than not it's gonna be "wow haha. this guy is really needy" You must understand the importance of social skills in terms of conveying what you want! If you whine and complain then yes it will come across as 'unmanly' (is that even a word?) if you tell a girl assertively that you like women who put equal amount of effort into dating as you do, you come across like a man. Sulking at home about this is the worst possible scenario, don't believe for one second that it isn't obvious to everyone else.
Author MrCastle Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Sulking at home about this is the worst possible scenario, don't believe for one second that it isn't obvious to everyone else. Obvious to who? To the people I'm texting, the people I'm venting about? They won't know the difference because I act like nothing's wrong. If you're referring to how I sound in this thread, I don't care. I'm anonymous and so is everyone here. I'm never going to meet these people and don't care how I come across online. That's what this place is for.
counterman Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) And this is because he lacks the ping pong balls to stand up for what he wants in a relationship. People may think that voicing your grievance over such a seemingly small matter is whiny and "unmanly"...false, it's the exact opposite. I would surmise that this is all part of the confidence piece: "If you don't want to compromise with me on something as stupid as texting, then I can just as easily find someone who will." I agree - he should voice his grievances and if she refuses to compromise, he should leave her because there are other girls who would meet you half way. But airing grievances often leads to what MrCastle is saying. It is unmanly. When a man says to a girl "you know, I'd appreciate it if you initiated texts a little more. Getting tired of doing all the work." I highly doubt her first thought is going to be "wow, what a confident manly man! wheeew! take me now!" more often than not it's gonna be "wow haha. this guy is really needy" It's sad but it's more often then not true. Not every girl would view it as 'needy' but many do. My friend has aired his grievances before but what happens she, his girlfriend makes a little bit of effort and then it falls flat and they relationship is back to 'normal'. He asked her to show more affection and she spoke to her girlfriends and called him 'clingy' and 'extremely suffocating'. Hell, I've stood up for myself with my ex-girlfriend before and it quickly became obvious that she felt she was a princess and with that she had certain entitlements. So when I asked her to initiate more, every little effort she put it was so forced and painful for her that it killed the attraction. Personally, if I felt that something was bothering me, I would voice it, and wouldn't feel feminine or needy for doing it. In saying that, I'm not one keep bringing up something over and over again. If she knows how I feel about her not initiating at all and she doesn't do anything about it or reacts badly, she'll be dropped and I'll move on. If she calls me clingy or needy, she will be dropped. I treat anyone I'm dating well and all I expect is some courtesy. Yeah, but not all of us take it as being uninterested ...... it's healthy to have a life, I wouldn't think twice if I didn't hear from someone for a few days ..... if I was truly worried I'd call. And that's great - thankfully not everyone (girls and guys) are like that. That's it, if you don't hear form someone, you call. But often what goes on in some girls' mind is "he's the guy, he should call me, even if it's to let me know he's busy. Or maybe he's not interested?" - they want to call the guy but think of a million silly reasons not to. So, she doesn't call him at all. Then the guy starts to think "hang on, this girl isn't giving me anything to work with here, maybe she's not interested?" Then, he throws her a text in a weeks time, and she waits 2 or 3 days to throw him an indifferent reply, such as "I'm ok". Everything pretty much continues downhill there. If a person feels that they're being taken for granted, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. If a guy/girl initiates all the time with no reciprocation, it wears him/her down. All the girls that were really interested in me, all of them texted first and flirted with me and you know what? I loved it and I especially enjoyed it when they initiate the dates because it shows that they're also interested in me as much as I am in them. It's so refreshing when a girl doesn't have this self-limiting belief that "guy's have to chase" - what the hell is chase anyways? If a guy is interested in a girl and a girl is interested in him, you date. It is this belief that's the reason why so many of my girl friends have never dated and are single. Edited July 24, 2012 by counterman 1
USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Hell, I've stood up for myself with my ex-girlfriend before and it quickly became obvious that she felt she was a princess and with that she had certain entitlements. I really really really really want to date a "princess"...just for short while...just to see what it's like...
counterman Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I really really really really want to date a "princess"...just for short while...just to see what it's like... You should give it a go! I think every guy should just so that know what to avoid We were walking to a restaurant once and it was a short walk. She kept complaining about how her feet her hurting and then kept whining about how I chose a bad place. We eat at a buffet once, I offer to get her a drink at the start. Several times during the meal, she TELLS me to get her a drink (didn't even ask). I told her to get it herself or wait just a little, since I was in the middle of eating. Man, that didn't go down well. :lmao:
USMCHokie Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 You should give it a go! I think every guy should just so that know what to avoid We were walking to a restaurant once and it was a short walk. She kept complaining about how her feet her hurting and then kept whining about how I chose a bad place. We eat at a buffet once, I offer to get her a drink at the start. Several times during the meal, she TELLS me to get her a drink (didn't even ask). I told her to get it herself or wait just a little, since I was in the middle of eating. Man, that didn't go down well. :lmao: You have no idea how jealous I am...
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 You should give it a go! I think every guy should just so that know what to avoid We were walking to a restaurant once and it was a short walk. She kept complaining about how her feet her hurting and then kept whining about how I chose a bad place. We eat at a buffet once, I offer to get her a drink at the start. Several times during the meal, she TELLS me to get her a drink (didn't even ask). I told her to get it herself or wait just a little, since I was in the middle of eating. Man, that didn't go down well. :lmao: I don't remember dating you...
Author MrCastle Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 I agree - he should voice his grievances and if she refuses to compromise, he should leave her because there are other girls who would meet you half way. But airing grievances often leads to what MrCastle is saying. It's sad but it's more often then not true. Not every girl would view it as 'needy' but many do. My friend has aired his grievances before but what happens she, his girlfriend makes a little bit of effort and then it falls flat and they relationship is back to 'normal'. He asked her to show more affection and she spoke to her girlfriends and called him 'clingy' and 'extremely suffocating'. Hell, I've stood up for myself with my ex-girlfriend before and it quickly became obvious that she felt she was a princess and with that she had certain entitlements. So when I asked her to initiate more, every little effort she put it was so forced and painful for her that it killed the attraction. Personally, if I felt that something was bothering me, I would voice it, and wouldn't feel feminine or needy for doing it. In saying that, I'm not one keep bringing up something over and over again. If she knows how I feel about her not initiating at all and she doesn't do anything about it or reacts badly, she'll be dropped and I'll move on. If she calls me clingy or needy, she will be dropped. I treat anyone I'm dating well and all I expect is some courtesy. And that's great - thankfully not everyone (girls and guys) are like that. That's it, if you don't hear form someone, you call. But often what goes on in some girls' mind is "he's the guy, he should call me, even if it's to let me know he's busy. Or maybe he's not interested?" - they want to call the guy but think of a million silly reasons not to. So, she doesn't call him at all. Then the guy starts to think "hang on, this girl isn't giving me anything to work with here, maybe she's not interested?" Then, he throws her a text in a weeks time, and she waits 2 or 3 days to throw him an indifferent reply, such as "I'm ok". Everything pretty much continues downhill there. If a person feels that they're being taken for granted, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. If a guy/girl initiates all the time with no reciprocation, it wears him/her down. All the girls that were really interested in me, all of them texted first and flirted with me and you know what? I loved it and I especially enjoyed it when they initiate the dates because it shows that they're also interested in me as much as I am in them. It's so refreshing when a girl doesn't have this self-limiting belief that "guy's have to chase" - what the hell is chase anyways? If a guy is interested in a girl and a girl is interested in him, you date. It is this belief that's the reason why so many of my girl friends have never dated and are single. You are on fire today.
TG1 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 If anything men always make the first move but for once I would like to see the woman be the one who makes the first move 1
josation218 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Don't just take my word though, I tend to be the out of the norm woman around here. I am sure TONS of women feel the same way about guys. My girlfriend for example would always vent to me about how the new guy she was dating took forEVER to text back. Granted, because of me she never told him such, it definitely bugged the crap out of her. Not my style, but she hated it and ended things. So I guess all you men out there are screwed no matter what! Tell me about it!!! If we text to little is bad, if we text to much is bad and if we dont text at all is bad as well.. WTF do you girls want from us Mens??!!!
josation218 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I really think it is nerve wracking on both ends. We all both worry about the same thing... them not texting back, you texting too much, them thinking you aren't interested for NOT texting back quick enough... We all have those worries, what it comes down to is who has the guts to just go for it and see the outcome. What is so nerve wracking about texting a person that you like?? I feel that both party should be honest with the one another.. If you like one another there is no need to play the texting game. If it bothers you that i am texting to much or that im taking to long to respond to your text, please tell me... If the person is not interested, they should tell the other party from the start.. Dont ignore the text, atleast get some guts and tell them, listen im not interesting please stop texting me.. Is that simple.... 1
Author MrCastle Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Whatever mood there in. Or what flavor of the week you are. They got us by the balls (if we let them). It should be mutual. That's the whole point. It should be mutual. But often, it's not. You know that sulking feeling you get when you send a text and the girl never answers? The one where you're supposed to "man up" and "get over it" because "it's just a text". You know that feeling? Women dread that feeling. That's why most of them don't initiate. It's a crushing blow to the ego. They'd rather the man risk that feeling by sending the initial text, so they can decide whether they want to answer it or not.
josation218 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 That's the whole point. It should be mutual. But often, it's not. You know that sulking feeling you get when you send a text and the girl never answers? The one where you're supposed to "man up" and "get over it" because "it's just a text". You know that feeling? Women dread that feeling. That's why most of them don't initiate. It's a crushing blow to the ego. They'd rather the man risk that feeling by sending the initial text, so they can decide whether they want to answer it or not. I hate that feeling.. Just picture somebody hitting you in the balls with a baseball bat!! Yeah thats how much it hurts lol.. But you know what the sad part is that, we know the girl is not going to text us back but we still look at our phone every second hoping that there is a text from that person....
Author MrCastle Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 I hate that feeling.. Just picture somebody hitting you in the balls with a baseball bat!! Yeah thats how much it hurts lol.. But you know what the sad part is that, we know the girl is not going to text us back but we still look at our phone every second hoping that there is a text from that person.... It's funny, it feels like when you're expecting a text from a certain someone, everyone in your contact list texts you except that person 1
verhrzn Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 That's the whole point. It should be mutual. But often, it's not. You know that sulking feeling you get when you send a text and the girl never answers? The one where you're supposed to "man up" and "get over it" because "it's just a text". You know that feeling? Women dread that feeling. That's why most of them don't initiate. It's a crushing blow to the ego. They'd rather the man risk that feeling by sending the initial text, so they can decide whether they want to answer it or not. No, it isn't so much the ego-crushing, as the ego-crushing AND feeling as if you've scared them off. Women are constantly, constantly, CONSTANTLY told not to appear needy. But one guy's "mutual contact" is another guy's "needy." I've responded in an exactly even fashion with one guy (he sends 1 text, I send 1 text) and been labeled needy. And being labeled "needy" is the instant kiss of death for a girl trying to date. It is much, much safer to just mirror the guy... much less chance of being labeled needy. So pick your poison... either girls initiate, and you end up feeling smothered/she's clingy/she's needy, or you initiate, and you might not hear from her as often. Nobody gets to have their cake and eat it too.
Author MrCastle Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 No, it isn't so much the ego-crushing, as the ego-crushing AND feeling as if you've scared them off. Women are constantly, constantly, CONSTANTLY told not to appear needy. But one guy's "mutual contact" is another guy's "needy." I've responded in an exactly even fashion with one guy (he sends 1 text, I send 1 text) and been labeled needy. And being labeled "needy" is the instant kiss of death for a girl trying to date. It is much, much safer to just mirror the guy... much less chance of being labeled needy. So pick your poison... either girls initiate, and you end up feeling smothered/she's clingy/she's needy, or you initiate, and you might not hear from her as often. Nobody gets to have their cake and eat it too. So let me ask you; how do you think a man feels when he has to initiate contact every time? You don't think "neediness" is a concept that pops up in his head. That's not a feeling that's exclusive to women.
Author MrCastle Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 This is the problem that most people on the forum do not grasp. Look at the title of this thread... "GAMES" You guys and gals are your own worst enemies. It's dating, you are having Expectations of a Relationship when you are suppose to be dating and having "FUN" You don't know how to let go of your own egos. "Im not going to text her because she didnt text me first" LOL or "she didnt text me for 3 days I guess shes not interested anymore time to move on" Where's the space? Where's your single life and life balance. I wont date a girl that has no single life or life balance outside of dating. I dont "need" someone that has to text or call me everyday, especially at the beginning of dating. I respect those that dont and give me my space You take this too seriously which is a reason why you are having problems figuring it out. Dating is easy. You meet someone, you have fun with that someone, no pressures of a relationship, text when you want to, they will do the same. The key to dating is being yourself and just having fun. Stop overanalyzing every little thing and taking it seriously. If someone doesnt like who you are or you being fun, hop off that train and onto a new one. Stop projecting a relationship onto someone you met less then a month ago and I guarantee you will have a lot more fun and success in dating Yup. Agreed with all that except for the fact that both parties need to believe this. If one doesn't then you have a cog in the machine. The question then becomes, do you leave this seemingly quality person because of their failure to communicate? Or do you bring it up in conversation, as insignificant as it seems?
verhrzn Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 So let me ask you; how do you think a man feels when he has to initiate contact every time? You don't think "neediness" is a concept that pops up in his head. That's not a feeling that's exclusive to women. It probably does, but then again, the man pursuing is expected. It's an established part of the social dance. Yes, he CAN tread into "neediness" territory, but by the average woman's standards, he'd had to do a LOT of extra communication to go from "pursuing" to "needy." Whereas a woman is already breaking a social taboo by initiating or pursuing, so she's already stepping outside the social lines right off the bat. This means that even a further tiny step could be too much. You'd be hard pressed to find a woman who thinks a single text a day from a guy she's dating is needy. But I know plenty of men who get a single initiative text and immediately label the woman "clingy." In other words, a guy CAN be needy, but it's a much much higher risk for a woman, because there are social rules about what is "needy" for a guy to contact, but none for how much contact is "needy" for a girl. 1
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