Hawk12 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 So iv been in nc, been doing a lot of running\working out and I'm starting to feel pretty good however my single friends like going out to the bar on weekends and I don't really like it but it's hard to meet new people anywhere else, my problem is I know my ex gies out to the bars quite a bit and I know if I see them it will set me back big time. So it's sit at home by myself or go out and risk the chance of running into them. Any suggestions
ProjectSiK Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 If I were you, I'd join 'em. Keep yourself busy on the weekends. My friends and I don't really hang out anymore after the break up because my ex and I had the same friends and well, I guess she gets to them first. It's really tough on me because weekends are when I find it hardest to keep myself occupied. Don't worry about running into her. If you do, I would say keep it at a simple "hello" and move on. I'm sure some people will disagree with that but I feel that's just being an *** if you completely ignore them when running into them. If she sees you out, she'll see you're having a good time and living it up. Do you're thing man. Don't let her potential presence dictate how you're going to live your life and how you'll enjoy your free time. Hell, you may even meet some other people on those nights out who are in the same boat as you (those who don't enjoy the bar scene and all, I know I don't but I would go if I had some people to go with.)
KatZee Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 How about you call up your friends, take the initiative and PLAN something else? Where does it say you all have to go to the bar every weekend, all weekend? Get your friends together. Take a trip to a theme park, do a mini road trip weekend, go see a concert, throw a party at your house, go to the movies... DO things. Sitting in a bar isn't DOING anything.
Chi townD Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Dude, there's other things you can do than go to a bar! There are cycling clubs, hiking clubs, Co-ed softball leagues, soccer leagues.. Plenty of other things to keep you busy and having fun; meeting new people....
RogerWallace111 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 The - "do other things !" , "bars aren't the only places to hang out !" responses are classic ! Really, bars aren't the only place to hang out ?? Profound. I'm gonna say, try not to worry about seeing the ex, go to the bars with your buddies, and do other things. Yes, you could plan a camping trip, or other event. And you should. But that's not realistically gonna be happening weekend after weekend. Yes, you could (and maybe should) join some sort of group in hopes of making new friends, but that's not gonna replace the fun of hanging the friends you know & love. Unless you have super dispensable friends who will be easily replaced by the guys in your new softball league. I personally dislike bars more than I like them, find 75% of bartenders to be some of the sh*ttiest turds I encounter, and dislike overpaying for alcohol. But, the truth is, there's not always a willing host with a house to be at alternatively, so I go to bars fairly regularly. To be with my friends. So we have a place to convene and aren't drinking in public (though that happens too). Don't let your ex deter you from that ****. Holing up weekend nights for several months till you think you can handle it doesn't sound fun. It may not be as much of a setback as you think, and may harden you for future encounters with her. Which it sounds like are bound to happen in your situation.
Chi townD Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 The - "do other things !" , "bars aren't the only places to hang out !" responses are classic ! Really, bars aren't the only place to hang out ?? Profound. You don't get out much, do you..... Yes, I could think about a dozen different things that I could do, other than going to a bar or a club. No one said that he had to lose his current friends. Hell, drag there asses along, get THEM out of the bars. Throw a pig roast at his place, hell, why not! It's summer! The fact that you think the only place he can find solace and enjoyment is in a bar, I find that profound.
RogerWallace111 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) And read & acknowledge the rest of my post where I explain why, even as someone who generally doesn't like bars, theyre hard not to end up at from time to time. And you don't seem to know the meaning of the word "profound". Don't mean to say that in any condescending way, you just misused it. Edited July 24, 2012 by RogerWallace111
Chi townD Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 profound can be going far beneath what is superfical or obivous. Or having DEEP INSIGHT. Perphaps I was being sarcastic too!
RogerWallace111 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Yeah you could put it that way. Anyway, wasn't trying to be dickish with any of it, but was pointing out that- of course there are tons of things to do with friends besides bars, I'm sure the OP knows that. But I see where he's coming from, as people go to bars a lot and that's just how it is. If it's a weekend night, and you feel like drinking indoors where others besides the friends you came with are around to socialize with, you have limited options. A house party, a club event/concert, or a bar. I really can't think of any others. Maybe an art opening or something.
Chi townD Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Dude, I'm not trying to be an asshat either. I do respect your opinion and we've come here with the common goal to help people through a difficult time. Biggest problem here is that he doesn't want to see "them" and who could blame him. It's kinda like an alcoholic that went to rehab and is serious about his sobriety and his friends are trying to give him a welcome home party at a bar. He's not strong enough to go into a bar and not drink, too much temptation. Perphaps one day, he could go into a bar and not have that urge, but not right after rehab, he's new to sobriety and not strong enough. Well, there's not much difference between the scenario I present and the OP current problem. He's stating that he's not strong enough or healed enough to see her with someone else. So, he needs to find another outlet until he's healed enough to socialize with the possiblity that she couls show up there on someones arm. In my opinion, I think he needs to heal first. To get strong and confident and not give a rats ass who's she's with and actually say to himself, " Damn, well, she's his problem now!"
RogerWallace111 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Yep, that definitely makes sense. I'm more of the thinking that as he says it's "hard to meet new people anywhere else", it becomes a question of denying yourself that potentially fun, social nightlife vs dealing with seeing her. And which is really better for progress in the long run. Yes, one might have a rough few days after having to see their ex with someone new. Or maybe it would set them back even more. But I'm presenting the possibility that the pain of seeing them might be less of a hindrance to progress than spending your weekend nights alone for months. Cause people I know who've holed up after breakups seem to stay fixated on their loss a lot longer than those who go out, get social, and remind themselves of the fun (and other girls) to be had. But there are pros and cons. If it's gonna emotionally destroy you to see her, and take you back to a super dark place, then yeah, it's probably not worth it.
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