Anyone ever go out with your SO and "pretend" to be single?

July 24, 2012

I don't mean in a cheating way...I mean actually planning ahead with your SO to see what happens. My wife came up with this idea and she said she wants to see me "in action" next time we go to a bar or club. She gets off on the idea that other women want me and thinks it would be fun. I obviously have some very huge reservations about this, most notably that I haven't been single in 12 years and I wasn't very much for hitting on women even when I was single. Another huge concern is if I go out and try my luck and end up getting shot down left and right how is that going to turn on my wife? In fact, it would probably have the opposite effect. I also think it's a dishonest thing to do to whoever you approach as you're pretty much just "using" them for a game. I've actually told my wife these concerns and her answer has always been the same...that I would be surprised at how effective I would be and that I'm to approach it like just being friendly or just talking to someone at a bar and seeing what happens. No physical contact of course or number exchanging (definitely not on my end). Last concern I have is that she has gotten pretty heated on a few occasions where I have been hit on, but she was more upset that the woman was doing it right in front of her and not caring. This would be different because it would be "planned".

Either way...I'm more curious than anything if any other couples have tried this and how it turned out. As I type this out, I'm pretty sure I won't be going through with it since the chances of failure seem pretty high...but who knows...if we're out and I'm feeling a bit adventurous (aka drunk) and we spot a woman giving me the eye...maybe.

July 24, 2012

Well if youre out and have had drinks and some one gives you the eye...one way or another you wil show your wife the results of her game.

July 24, 2012

I don't mean in a cheating way...I mean actually planning ahead with your SO to see what happens. My wife came up with this idea and she said she wants to see me "in action" next time we go to a bar or club. She gets off on the idea that other women want me and thinks it would be fun. I obviously have some very huge reservations about this, most notably that I haven't been single in 12 years and I wasn't very much for hitting on women even when I was single. Another huge concern is if I go out and try my luck and end up getting shot down left and right how is that going to turn on my wife? In fact, it would probably have the opposite effect. I also think it's a dishonest thing to do to whoever you approach as you're pretty much just "using" them for a game. I've actually told my wife these concerns and her answer has always been the same...that I would be surprised at how effective I would be and that I'm to approach it like just being friendly or just talking to someone at a bar and seeing what happens. No physical contact of course or number exchanging (definitely not on my end). Last concern I have is that she has gotten pretty heated on a few occasions where I have been hit on, but she was more upset that the woman was doing it right in front of her and not caring. This would be different because it would be "planned".

Either way...I'm more curious than anything if any other couples have tried this and how it turned out. As I type this out, I'm pretty sure I won't be going through with it since the chances of failure seem pretty high...but who knows...if we're out and I'm feeling a bit adventurous (aka drunk) and we spot a woman giving me the eye...maybe.

We [humans], generally appreciate something more if others want it, crave it.

What she probably wants you to do, is to hit on a ton of girls, it doesn't matter if you fail or not, she will see other women looking you over as a prospect, which will get her desire up, she will want to bond with you quickly, lock you down.

After you do this for a while, try to pick her up as well, but pretend you don't know her, see what happens.

I think you will enjoy it a lot if you cut loose.

PS: Bonus points if you do a bathroom pull on her.

July 24, 2012

And if you get lucky, is it her turn next? Sounds dangerous to me

Edited July 24, 2012 by firemanq
spelling

July 24, 2012

It sounds pretty risky. She has already demonstrated that she can be very jealous. Plus it's leading other people on. If you were out with friends and everyone in the group was pretend hitting on each other, then no one is getting played. You'd have to see if that's something that would work for your social group and your SO.

I'd only try something like that after a good discussion of the rules. I'd suggest that you never being drunk while doing this be one of them. Her too for that matter. Opens the door to crossing the line and then you end up having to repair your relationship, rather than building it with the role playing.

July 24, 2012

Yeah, I can definitely see how this could be dangerous and drinks would definitely have to be kept to a minimum because we both have fiery tempers and alcohol escalates that. We have discussed some rules back and forth and talked it out, but the more I think about it, the more I think this is something that will never come to fruition. It would basically require the perfect storm of events to occur and not something that can be "planned". Kinda like that threesome that couples will discuss in "fun" but both of you know it's never going to happen.

Was really more curious to see if anyone else had tried it.

July 24, 2012

Like most things, moderation is the key, and a "baby version" of this scenario can be quite fun, WITHOUT involving other people !

You walk into a place together, but she needs to use the bathroom. You go to the bar and order a drink and she sidles up next to you and starts trying to " pick you up" as a stranger. You let her.

My H and I did movie and dinner Sunday, but he called it a "date", so I "played date": asked him questions about himself, flirted shamelessly then backed off. I DID let him give me "a ride home", and I suppose I was a wanton slut for "asking him in for a drink". But hey, it's a fun way of keeping things interesting and perhaps learning a bit more about each other WITHOUT bringing a third party into your hopefully precious, happy and appreciated relationship !

July 24, 2012

I don't mean in a cheating way...I mean actually planning ahead with your SO to see what happens. My wife came up with this idea and she said she wants to see me "in action" next time we go to a bar or club. She gets off on the idea that other women want me and thinks it would be fun. I obviously have some very huge reservations about this, most notably that I haven't been single in 12 years and I wasn't very much for hitting on women even when I was single. Another huge concern is if I go out and try my luck and end up getting shot down left and right how is that going to turn on my wife? In fact, it would probably have the opposite effect. I also think it's a dishonest thing to do to whoever you approach as you're pretty much just "using" them for a game. I've actually told my wife these concerns and her answer has always been the same...that I would be surprised at how effective I would be and that I'm to approach it like just being friendly or just talking to someone at a bar and seeing what happens. No physical contact of course or number exchanging (definitely not on my end). Last concern I have is that she has gotten pretty heated on a few occasions where I have been hit on, but she was more upset that the woman was doing it right in front of her and not caring. This would be different because it would be "planned".

Either way...I'm more curious than anything if any other couples have tried this and how it turned out. As I type this out, I'm pretty sure I won't be going through with it since the chances of failure seem pretty high...but who knows...if we're out and I'm feeling a bit adventurous (aka drunk) and we spot a woman giving me the eye...maybe.

The fix is obvious. Arrange for a couple of women to be there and be receptive to your advances. Give it about five minutes before one of them asks you to go home and go to bed with her. Then I'm sure you wife will want to go home.

July 24, 2012

Mathematically, the success rate for hitting on a desirable person of the opposite sex is actually very low. This is based on the fact that the target may be already be in a relationship, may be gay, you may not be the right ethnicity, you may not be their type, and a variety of other reasons that have nothing to do with your desirability ratings. That being said, success comes by always being aware of people of the opposite sex and noticing when opportunity presents itself. This requires a constant flirty mind set that is not health for a married person to have.

Also, if you agree to this, how will you feel when she turns the tables and wants to be able to flirt with other men?

July 25, 2012

Like most things, moderation is the key, and a "baby version" of this scenario can be quite fun, WITHOUT involving other people !

You walk into a place together, but she needs to use the bathroom. You go to the bar and order a drink and she sidles up next to you and starts trying to " pick you up" as a stranger. You let her.

My H and I did movie and dinner Sunday, but he called it a "date", so I "played date": asked him questions about himself, flirted shamelessly then backed off. I DID let him give me "a ride home", and I suppose I was a wanton slut for "asking him in for a drink". But hey, it's a fun way of keeping things interesting and perhaps learning a bit more about each other WITHOUT bringing a third party into your hopefully precious, happy and appreciated relationship !

This has been discussed as well. But, I'm a horrible actor and not very good at improvisation...and neither is the wife. We'll start out trying to act like we don't know each other, but within minutes, run out of corny things to say, just stare at each other, then bust out laughing. Same thing happened when I asked her to talk dirty to me in spanish.

July 25, 2012

The fix is obvious. Arrange for a couple of women to be there and be receptive to your advances. Give it about five minutes before one of them asks you to go home and go to bed with her. Then I'm sure you wife will want to go home.

LOL...I love this idea but honestly, I just don't know any women that my wife doesn't also know and since I work from home, I don't have any female co-workers that would be willing to help. We are just together all the time so the chances of either us meeting someone and the other not knowing is pretty slim.

July 25, 2012

Also, if you agree to this, how will you feel when she turns the tables and wants to be able to flirt with other men?

Well..to be honest, we did discuss turning the tables but it would actually be nothing new. My wife gets hit on all the time so it would just be another day at the office for me.

Women have this part SOOO easy it's not fair.

July 25, 2012

I'd want to role play with my partner, where we go to a club or lounge as though we're single, but the goal would be that we hook up with each other and act like we're meeting for the first time, and go through the motions you would if you were single and met someone you were attracted to.

I don't think I'd want to do it so I could see them "in action" with other people. I mean, I'm sure if we go and pretend to be single, perhaps at one point or another someone will hit on me or him, and I don't mind my partner chatting to another woman so long as he's being polite and is gonna turn her down. I like to know other women find my man attractive...but I also like to feel secure and know that his attention and heart are with me, so he will be friendly or flirty but that's as far as it goes. So I wouldn't be upset if he flirted with a woman or two when we're out acting single, but the goal wouldn't be for me to see him in action, but for us to "meet each other".

July 25, 2012

LOL...I love this idea but honestly, I just don't know any women that my wife doesn't also know and since I work from home, I don't have any female co-workers that would be willing to help. We are just together all the time so the chances of either us meeting someone and the other not knowing is pretty slim.

Oh, I could hook you up but I don't think you'd like the price!

July 25, 2012

Oh, I could hook you up but I don't think you'd like the price!

heh...yeah, I don't think she'd appreciate me spending our money on hiring a professional to expose a loophole in her plan.

July 27, 2012

Your opening Pandora's Box. This can backfire on your relationship.This can spark jealousy between the both of you. What will you do while role playing and some guy approaches her she seems flirtatious ? What will happen if same happens to you? How will she act? What real motives would make this seem like a good idea to her? Why is there a need to verify if both of you are still desired by other women/men?????

July 27, 2012

Your opening Pandora's Box. This can backfire on your relationship.This can spark jealousy between the both of you. What will you do while role playing and some guy approaches her she seems flirtatious ? What will happen if same happens to you? How will she act? What real motives would make this seem like a good idea to her? Why is there an need to verify if you both are still desired by other women/men?????

July 27, 2012

You swingers. Jk. I say do it because it'll better the sex. Then again, wtf do I know...?

July 27, 2012

I think that commenters are getting a bit over the top on this. If you guys respect each other and are not doing this as a precursor to swinging, then there is nothing wrong with it IF you are two mature adults.

When we were on vacation in NYC, my ex-wife and I did this in a bar. We thought it would be fun. I already knew I had no chance as she was way hotter than me. After 2 minutes she went and leaned over the jukebox and the game was over. Three men approached her after 5 minutes and I threw in the towel. Not because of jealousy, but from embarassment of getting whooped.

July 27, 2012

I think that commenters are getting a bit over the top on this. If you guys respect each other and are not doing this as a precursor to swinging, then there is nothing wrong with it IF you are two mature adults.

When we were on vacation in NYC, my ex-wife and I did this in a bar. We thought it would be fun. I already knew I had no chance as she was way hotter than me. After 2 minutes she went and leaned over the jukebox and the game was over. Three men approached her after 5 minutes and I threw in the towel. Not because of jealousy, but from embarassment of getting whooped.

LOL. I can totally relate and it would definitely be over in a heartbeat if we actually "competed". It's definitely not a competition...she doesn't want a "turn". Hell...she's had her turn her entire life of getting hit on wherever she goes. She just wants to see ME get hit on.

For what it's worth, this idea got sparked when she recently found out that my best female friend (of over 15 years) who is very attractive used to want to be with me before my wife came into the picture...and probably still likes me. For some reason, this REALLY turned my wife on. There's been a couple other instances of girls trying to kiss me at clubs (though my wife wasn't around when it happened) and when I told her (I tell her EVERYTHING) it turned her on as well.

Now keep in mind she DOES get jealous, but only if she thinks I'm "returning" any of the advances.

I mean, I guess it's a good thing that my wife finds me desirable and thinks I would have no problem hitting on women, but sometimes I can't help but think she's just seeing me with rose colored glasses.

July 27, 2012

LOL. I can totally relate and it would definitely be over in a heartbeat if we actually "competed". It's definitely not a competition...she doesn't want a "turn". Hell...she's had her turn her entire life of getting hit on wherever she goes. She just wants to see ME get hit on.

For what it's worth, this idea got sparked when she recently found out that my best female friend (of over 15 years) who is very attractive used to want to be with me before my wife came into the picture...and probably still likes me. For some reason, this REALLY turned my wife on. There's been a couple other instances of girls trying to kiss me at clubs (though my wife wasn't around when it happened) and when I told her (I tell her EVERYTHING) it turned her on as well.

Now keep in mind she DOES get jealous, but only if she thinks I'm "returning" any of the advances.

I mean, I guess it's a good thing that my wife finds me desirable and thinks I would have no problem hitting on women, but sometimes I can't help but think she's just seeing me with rose colored glasses.

Joe, you seem like a smart, sensible, grounded guy from the posts I've read. And most importantly, happily and respectfully married ! It seems many of us have had fun pretending to pick our partners up as " strangers in the night" with good (fun) results, so I wouldn't rule that out on acting abilities alone. Let HER hit on you big time, and you act shy and standoffish, and watch the other guys go " HUH ?!? WTF is WRONG with this guy !?!" ( Think of all the male posters here who complain constantly, just turning THAT supposition on it's head would be fun enough !)

We woman don't do the "hitting on" as often, so you are unlikely to get the fun result you guys are looking for. Not because you are unattractive, but just because that's how society rolls.

I was happy to be clued in to a work convo my husband had, where one of the project leaders was talking about his fiance and he said " And the best part is, she thinks I'm the sh*t, it feels so great to be appreciated !" and my husband returned with experiencing the same thing in his relationship with me. Not to tell other woman how to live and love in THEIR R's, but if you appreciate your guy, LET HIM KNOW, and that will go farther than any bed tricks, or fancy meals ! Sounds like your wife thinks you hung the moon and stars and thinks every other woman will think the same . That's Win/Win.

My H was NOT very popular w/the gals growing up, but he makes me swoon and I tease him about how ALL the girls must want to kiss his sexy mouth, and he just rolls his eyes, laughs and secretly loves every minute of it !

I guess that's good enough for me, and I don't think I'd enjoy the experience of him awkwardly warding off advances from drunken strangers. ( And if your not a good actor, you will suck even worse at this, trust me) There is an old friend who had a crush on him for years, and while I respect their long standing friendship, I get no kick WHATSOEVER from reading her " friendly" little leading messages checking the status of our relationship every few months.

Whoa, sorry that was long and all over the place, I guess the bottom line is there are all sorts of way to have marital fun with each other, but role playing where the object is to get other woman to hit on you, sounds un-fun, and possibly cruel. ( A female LS'er hears "it's 2012, go for what you want, hit on guys", and you smile at her as part of your "game" she works up the nerve to hit on you, and BAM, rejected with who knows what long term consequences. Sure, it happens in RL, but to set the game up that way where the person is just a tool in you R seems mean spirited )

July 27, 2012

Just to be clear she IS the jealous type, I read through all the responses but in the beginning someone said maybe jealous type works.

It seems like she is very attractive, so attractive that she does not mind if other women hit on you because you wouldnt think of it, because your wife is hotter than the prospects. Is this boosting her ego, or your relationship.

I am probably wrong so I am sorry in advance but if she was the type of lady that was one of the "prettiest girls in the bar". Maybe the game will not backfire cause she is assured by her looks and your average looks that nothing could shake it. But if she was average, or maybe someone that wasnt unique or special looking, the idea of a pretty girl hitting on you would seem to mortify me?!

Im interested please keep us up to date seriously this is a mind boggler and half!

July 27, 2012

Joe, you seem like a smart, sensible, grounded guy from the posts I've read. And most importantly, happily and respectfully married ! It seems many of us have had fun pretending to pick our partners up as " strangers in the night" with good (fun) results, so I wouldn't rule that out on acting abilities alone. Let HER hit on you big time, and you act shy and standoffish, and watch the other guys go " HUH ?!? WTF is WRONG with this guy !?!" ( Think of all the male posters here who complain constantly, just turning THAT supposition on it's head would be fun enough !)

We woman don't do the "hitting on" as often, so you are unlikely to get the fun result you guys are looking for. Not because you are unattractive, but just because that's how society rolls.

I was happy to be clued in to a work convo my husband had, where one of the project leaders was talking about his fiance and he said " And the best part is, she thinks I'm the sh*t, it feels so great to be appreciated !" and my husband returned with experiencing the same thing in his relationship with me. Not to tell other woman how to live and love in THEIR R's, but if you appreciate your guy, LET HIM KNOW, and that will go farther than any bed tricks, or fancy meals ! Sounds like your wife thinks you hung the moon and stars and thinks every other woman will think the same . That's Win/Win.

My H was NOT very popular w/the gals growing up, but he makes me swoon and I tease him about how ALL the girls must want to kiss his sexy mouth, and he just rolls his eyes, laughs and secretly loves every minute of it !

I guess that's good enough for me, and I don't think I'd enjoy the experience of him awkwardly warding off advances from drunken strangers. ( And if your not a good actor, you will suck even worse at this, trust me) There is an old friend who had a crush on him for years, and while I respect their long standing friendship, I get no kick WHATSOEVER from reading her " friendly" little leading messages checking the status of our relationship every few months.

Whoa, sorry that was long and all over the place, I guess the bottom line is there are all sorts of way to have marital fun with each other, but role playing where the object is to get other woman to hit on you, sounds un-fun, and possibly cruel. ( A female LS'er hears "it's 2012, go for what you want, hit on guys", and you smile at her as part of your "game" she works up the nerve to hit on you, and BAM, rejected with who knows what long term consequences. Sure, it happens in RL, but to set the game up that way where the person is just a tool in you R seems mean spirited )

Thanks and I agree with what you're saying. This definitely sounds better as fantasy than reality and I never liked the "dishonesty" aspect of leading other people on.

It's definitely not a "reaffirming what we have" type of thing. We are both very confident in ourselves and each other. I think it's just something about liking it when you know someone else wants what you have but they can't have it.

But I am starting to get a bit more interested in the "acting like we don't know each other" part. As I've said before, we have sort of tried but we always end up laughing about it. Maybe if we have a few drinks first, I'll sort of wander off for a bit, maybe hit the bathroom, and then when I return, I'll just sort of sneak up beside her and start it off and see where it ends up.

July 27, 2012

Personally I think you will have more luck if you keep the ring on...having the ring on gets womens guard down so you can actually start a conversation with a women...which would accomplish the goals in this game.

August 1, 2012

I don't mean in a cheating way...I mean actually planning ahead with your SO to see what happens. My wife came up with this idea and she said she wants to see me "in action" next time we go to a bar or club. She gets off on the idea that other women want me and thinks it would be fun. I obviously have some very huge reservations about this, most notably that I haven't been single in 12 years and I wasn't very much for hitting on women even when I was single. Another huge concern is if I go out and try my luck and end up getting shot down left and right how is that going to turn on my wife? In fact, it would probably have the opposite effect. I also think it's a dishonest thing to do to whoever you approach as you're pretty much just "using" them for a game. I've actually told my wife these concerns and her answer has always been the same...that I would be surprised at how effective I would be and that I'm to approach it like just being friendly or just talking to someone at a bar and seeing what happens. No physical contact of course or number exchanging (definitely not on my end). Last concern I have is that she has gotten pretty heated on a few occasions where I have been hit on, but she was more upset that the woman was doing it right in front of her and not caring. This would be different because it would be "planned".

Either way...I'm more curious than anything if any other couples have tried this and how it turned out. As I type this out, I'm pretty sure I won't be going through with it since the chances of failure seem pretty high...but who knows...if we're out and I'm feeling a bit adventurous (aka drunk) and we spot a woman giving me the eye...maybe.

I haven't done this or asked a partner t odo it.

The idea of my partner hitting on other women or watching me hit on other men does nothing for me at all.

I did see in a French comedy called Happily Ever After, though, a couple that went out to a club and pretended not to know each other. The wife was at the bar, husband came up to her, they pretend to hit it off and leave with each other right away. Nobody else in the club knows that they are husband and wife.

I don't know if I could ever pull that off, but I still think that's one of the funnest, sexiest things a long-term married couple can do with each other.

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Anyone ever go out with your SO and "pretend" to be single?

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