Complicated1112 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I know this guy for years. We were good friends until I moved thousand miles away then we became closer emotionally the last few months. We are both in committed relationship but we realized we had feelings toward each other. I felt we had an EA or really close to it so I initiated NC. He said we were so far from each other so he didn't think we were in an A. But he also said that he regretted that our deepest feelings ruined our friendship. I missed him so much and I'm second guessing myself that I over think the whole situation. Was I being a drama queen to start NC? Could we be friends if we know we still have feelings for each other? Knowing that neither of us would not leave our current P and the distance would make it impossible for PA? I thought I was doing the right thing for both of us but why does this hurt and I feel like I'm such a lousy friend?
2sure Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Maybe over thinking, but you're instinct is right and you know it. You are thinking his spouse would not be ok with this, and that you prefer to keep you're integrity even if you miss the friendship. The right thing as very very often not the easy thing. But clearly, you know this. 3
MissBee Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Once romantic feelings come in and you feel it's an emotional affair it is no longer a normal friendship. If you care about your relationship you were right to institute NC. Distance doesn't make a PA impossible. The more you communicate and build up feelings, the more you push yourself towards a PA. 2
Author Complicated1112 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Thank you for the support. I'm glad I found this forum. He was my best friend and obviously I couldn't rely on him to ease this pain.
Author Complicated1112 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 For some reason everytime I drove somewhere the past few weeks, Gotye's song 'somebody that I used to know' kept playing on the radio. It was like he was sending me messages through the lyrics. OK, maybe I do think too much.
norajane Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Yes, you did the right thing. When you start feeling that song lyrics are written for you, you'd gone in too deep already. The heartbreak and pain you feel now would have been nothing compared to what you'd feel if you'd taken this any further. Good for you for recognizing it and doing something about it. 1
neveragain2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Sometimes distance drives the desire for a PA. And you can even start to justify it by saying "well...we don't see each other that often so it's not really a full blown affair'. Aw...justification and denial. As women we, as a collective group, pretty much agree that its the EA that hurts the most. Sex is sex, we can say he's a pig and that's what men do. We can almost talk ourselves into believing that. But it's harder to take him talking to another woman. Sharing. Caring about her. My exH had 2 affairs. One PA, one EA. It was the EA that tore me up. I thought I could handle it, thought I could be okay and get past it, until one night during a 'full disclosure' session he told me at one point when he was with her he had a migraine and he laid his head down on her lap and she rubbed his head until it subsided. To me that was soooooo much more intimate than sex. He trusted her to do that. He was vulnerable and he let her in. I didn't like that AT ALL!!! Don't fool yourself into thinking just because you are far apart and its just talking that it isn't an affair. And, like everyone else will ever tell you about just about anything, put yourself in the other persons shoes: how would you feel if you found out your husband was confiding in another woman?
2sure Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 For some reason everytime I drove somewhere the past few weeks, Gotye's song 'somebody that I used to know' kept playing on the radio. It was like he was sending me messages through the lyrics. OK, maybe I do think too much. TOTALLY over thinking. That song is on all the time! if someone is sending you a message though it, its: Get Satalite Radio
Author Complicated1112 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 You're right. Maybe I should convert to NPR because lately 'call me maybe' has been playing a lot as well...
Author Complicated1112 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 Once romantic feelings come in and you feel it's an emotional affair it is no longer a normal friendship. If you care about your relationship you were right to institute NC. Distance doesn't make a PA impossible. The more you communicate and build up feelings, the more you push yourself towards a PA. Would there be a point when romantic feelings no longer there and normal friendship could resume? I have never been in this situation when the feeling was not one sided but we had to separate.
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