Lisa_Lisa Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I know NC is the way to go plus blocking and deleting the ex from Facebook, but I feel it'll help me cope if I look. I admit I went a little apesh*t on mine after we broke up, i.e. putting up a song about a woman scorned, and I knew he would probably play the video, and well, not too long after that I was deleted. I can't even find him on a search. But he's friends with my sister and I know her password. I didn't look for a while, but last week, I couldn't help myself. I think he's got a new girl because she wrote on his wall, "baby, write to me!!" and then dedicated a video to him along the lines of 'you're everything I've ever dreamed of' kind of song. I broke down and cried for a half hour. It's over, maybe she's the replacement, maybe he's telling her he loves her now and that he wants to marry her and be with her and all that bull crap he told me. Now she just dedicated another song to him and wrote 'I love you.' It stings and it hurts and it's just killing me. But I do think it's helping me because the more I think about them and what they're doing and what they're telling each other the more I can say to myself "it's over, it's over." There is no more me and him. He'll never come back to me. He'll never speak to me. He doesn't want to be with me anymore. Move on.
dayslikelikethis Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I'm not sure if Facebook is torturing me or helping me quite frankly. lol.. I'm glad that it has helped bring some closure for you. The book between you and him is now over. There is no more mystery.... No more wondering about if he is sad and regretful about your breakup. He seems to be quite happy and moving on with his life. Now, it's your turn to find that guy who will be posting dedication songs for you I admit that I'm guilty of Facebook stalking as well. I got dumped in a two line text so it's tough to admit that it's over. My ex rarely even posts on facebook other than pics of herself, and she never posted a pic of me while we were together (6 month relationship) so I doubt she is going to post a pic of her new BF. I'm at least glad that you got some closure so you can move on and find happiness again one day. Let the healing process for you begin!
Sheppy99 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Now that you have the answers you said you were looking for, I hope you include checking his FB page into your NC. As in if you look at his FB page you're breaking NC cause technically you are having contact with his life even through his updates. I don't think you are allowing yourself to fully heal if you are checking his status updates here and there but that's just my opinion. I know it's incredibly hard not too and FB is one of the biggest reasons people can't move on this day and age cause we have way too easy access to peoples personal lives. Probably one of the main reasons I dislike social networking. Be strong and stay away from his page. It will help you, I promise
cheekysmiles Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 It may help in the beginning but as you progress through different stages of grieving, what you found to help today may on another day put you down. The most effectiveness you'll get out of NC is to abolish thoughts of him completely and erase them so you're no longer dependant on him and his actions in order to heal. Doing otherwise is counter-productive. If you do however choose to put yourself through this torture, it's really just willed suffering. I feel you though on this subject though. I have a tendency to do it but lately it's been completely detrimental to recovery. I hope you get the best out of doing it for now and are equipped to let go when you're ready.
Author Lisa_Lisa Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 I agree. I know I have to stop and I will stop. It hurts...right now. Maybe in 6 months, it won't matter to me. I'll just imagine he and the new girl are engaged or something so that I won't think of any possibilities for the future. He and I used to talk on MSN messenger a lot. A couple of months before he ended it he didn't really go on. Well, he's on today. He's been on all day. I'm not going to speak to him because, frankly, I wouldn't know what to say. I can't delete him from msn though. I can't bear it.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I know NC is the way to go plus blocking and deleting the ex from Facebook, but I feel it'll help me cope if I look. I admit I went a little apesh*t on mine after we broke up, i.e. putting up a song about a woman scorned, and I knew he would probably play the video, and well, not too long after that I was deleted. I can't even find him on a search. But he's friends with my sister and I know her password. I didn't look for a while, but last week, I couldn't help myself. I think he's got a new girl because she wrote on his wall, "baby, write to me!!" and then dedicated a video to him along the lines of 'you're everything I've ever dreamed of' kind of song. I broke down and cried for a half hour. It's over, maybe she's the replacement, maybe he's telling her he loves her now and that he wants to marry her and be with her and all that bull crap he told me. Now she just dedicated another song to him and wrote 'I love you.' It stings and it hurts and it's just killing me. But I do think it's helping me because the more I think about them and what they're doing and what they're telling each other the more I can say to myself "it's over, it's over." There is no more me and him. He'll never come back to me. He'll never speak to me. He doesn't want to be with me anymore. Move on. Yes, you should do just that. End of thread.
cheekysmiles Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 The anxiety or fear you feel right now in regards to losing or letting go of someone completely will begin to deaden and make you stronger only when you commit with that decision you know deep down is the right choice for your emotional well being. Think of preparing for true NC as steps you're going to accomplish eventually so you might as well do it now. One time and one at a time. If you read this and do it, I applaud for I am failing the very same test lol
Author Lisa_Lisa Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Yes, I agree, and I will do my very best. With each day that passes I will get stronger. Cheekysmiles, you will too.
cheekysmiles Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Thank you lol I would also recommend checking out the book "How to Fall Out of Love" by Debora Phillips. It teaches some good techniques to tone down the amount of times you think about your ex day to day until it's minimal and not debilitating or until you're completely absent of ex thoughts altogether
g450 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I am starting to wonder if this forum needs to update their "stages of grief" listing by adding a "facebook stage". Seriously? Why do people do this to themselves? This always come up and never fails. It's simple. Block, Delete, Done. Why play games? 1
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