Is your relationship doomed if you're attracted to another person within 2 years?

[McGuffin]

I was told in another thread that I shouldn't be attracted to another person until about 2-3 years into a relationship, which is when the relationship "cools off". If I find myself attracted to another person before that arbitrary time frame, it means the relationship is doomed.

 

I completely agree that people who chase a new relationship high and leave their partner when that wears off have a problem, but the rest of that concept seems completely backward.

 

Why would it be better to be attracted to other people because you're "bored" with your partner after 2-3 years? The longer you've been together, the deeper your feelings for them should be, and the less you should be inclined toward attraction to other people. If you're more attracted to other people as time goes on then it seems to me like you either have unrealistic expectations or are with the wrong person.

 

I've been trying to wrap my head around this concept, but even after over 2 years in a relationship, I've not gotten bored or been attracted to more people than I would have been in the first 2 years.

 

The more I think about it, the worse it seems. The only way I can rationalize the concept is if a person is attracted to a large portion of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on orientation) and the only reason they're not looking at others is that their partner gives them the high that keeps them temporarily distracted (or sexually satiated?).

 

But if you're someone who needs that high yet takes 2-3 years for it to wear off, in the grand scheme, that seems only incrementally better than someone for which it takes 5-6 months.

 

For both, their expectations and concepts of a long term relationship seem a little out of whack. If it's the norm, maybe that's a large reason for the high divorce rates.

 

What do you think? Does the 2-3 year rule make sense to you or seem backward?

[McGuffin]

Nobody thinks it's better or worse to find others attractive sooner than later in a relationship? I was wondering if more men are inclined to think it's doom if you're attracted to anyone else sooner than 2-3 years. Men seem to be immediately attracted to people more easily. Where women tend to have attraction grow the more they get to know and like the person.

[TG1]

Yes I think men we are more attracted to the opposite sex on a more physical level while with women when they are attracted to the opposite sex, it is more on an emotional level, and that is why men if we are in a relationship with a woman and we end up being attracted to another woman, then men in most cases not all of us men, some men are bound to cheat on their women

[EasyHeart]

That's ridiculous. You are going to meet and be attracted to other people for the rest of your life; it's impossible to avoid being attracted to other people.

 

What separates happy relationships from unhappy ones is what people do once they become attracted to someone else.

[wildgeese]

I doubt it. It's perfectly normal to find others outside of your relationship attractive, at any time in the relationship. But of course there's a difference between appreciating someone being attractive and lusting after them. Is that what you mean?

 

I guess it would really depend on the individual. Some people are more sexual and therefore more likely to notice people outside of their relationship. Other people could be highly romantic and not look at another soul. Who knows? I've been in my relationship for about two years and while I have not lusted after anyone other than my boyfriend, I'm able to appreciate that another man is good looking. I don't think it means that our relationship has cooled off, that I'm bored, or that I don't find my partner attractive.

[Quiet Storm]

It is perfectly normal to be attracted to others at any point in your relationship.

 

If you value your relationship, however, you will not feed your attraction to others.

[kaylan]

Being simply physically attracted to someone else isnt a big deal. Im attracted to a number of women.

 

Actively crushing on them and swooning over them is a different things. I dont have that happen when Im with a girl I enjoy being with. She would get all my capacity for those feelings.

 

Thats just me though. I dont pine over more than a gal at a time.