add2718 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) Lately it just feels as if something's missing from my relationship with my gf... Most of the time spent together is not very "date"-ish and consists mostly of running errands (hers cos she doesn't drive). When we are back at my apartment most of the time she is occupied with the internet or phone or has to take a shower or something... then I end up taking her to work. When I ask her to do stuff that I enjoy like taking a walk, she says she prefers to do that on her own The last girl I was with, we took walks a few times a week and it really helped us connect, I looked forward to it a lot... This girl says my walks are too long (~4 miles). She's also been taking on more hours recently at her job which makes it virtually impossible for us to be together at night (she works weekends too). And yet she gets on my case and wants me to quit my part time weekend job... I've also tried telling her how much her relationship with her male best friend bothers me, but she doesn't seem too willing to change. Seems like she just kinda hides it from me now instead of mentioning how much time she spends with him or how often he calls. And she still thinks of him first for rides to places or favors, which bothers me. When I came to pick her up the other night she had to keep me waiting for like 15 minutes while she talked to this guy (at like 12:30 at night) because "they talk every night". Today I had to take her home early so she could go over there and get her Nook which she left over there sometime recently... I offered to take her there but she said she's rather get out and walk a bit. I've asked about meeting this guy but she doesn't seem in any rush for that to happen. Anyway, I just felt like venting... Sorry for being a downer... Edited July 23, 2012 by add2718
Chunky Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Sounds like she has a thing for him. I'd find another girl to be with. You deserve to be a priority in her life not him. 1
norajane Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I'm not sure what you're getting out of this relationship, or why you care about her. Is she really hot or something? You're not connecting, so it's time to move on.
Forever Silent Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Lately it just feels as if something's missing from my relationship with my gf... Most of the time spent together is not very "date"-ish and consists mostly of running errands (hers cos she doesn't drive). When we are back at my apartment most of the time she is occupied with the internet or phone or has to take a shower or something... then I end up taking her to work. When I ask her to do stuff that I enjoy like taking a walk, she says she prefers to do that on her own The last girl I was with, we took walks a few times a week and it really helped us connect, I looked forward to it a lot... This girl says my walks are too long (~4 miles). She's also been taking on more hours recently at her job which makes it virtually impossible for us to be together at night (she works weekends too). And yet she gets on my case and wants me to quit my part time weekend job... I've also tried telling her how much her relationship with her male best friend bothers me, but she doesn't seem too willing to change. Seems like she just kinda hides it from me now instead of mentioning how much time she spends with him or how often he calls. And she still thinks of him first for rides to places or favors, which bothers me. When I came to pick her up the other night she had to keep me waiting for like 15 minutes while she talked to this guy (at like 12:30 at night) because "they talk every night". Today I had to take her home early so she could go over there and get her Nook which she left over there sometime recently... I offered to take her there but she said she's rather get out and walk a bit. I've asked about meeting this guy but she doesn't seem in any rush for that to happen. Anyway, I just felt like venting... Sorry for being a downer... Drop her and keep it movin.......You are not her man servant.
Author add2718 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 I'm not sure what you're getting out of this relationship, or why you care about her. Is she really hot or something? You're not connecting, so it's time to move on. I don't have much experience and I guess I just don't know when to give up... I definitely don't feel like a priority in her life though.
norajane Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I don't have much experience and I guess I just don't know when to give up... I definitely don't feel like a priority in her life though. Then you shouldn't be making her a priority in your life. She's showing you through her actions what kind of relationship she wants with you - this is it. It's not going to get any better than this with her. A relationship is supposed to feel a lot better than this. Move on. 1
Author add2718 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Then you shouldn't be making her a priority in your life. She's showing you through her actions what kind of relationship she wants with you - this is it. It's not going to get any better than this with her. A relationship is supposed to feel a lot better than this. Move on. Yeah, and what bothers me is that I always try to make her a priority... I keep mentioning vacation plans for later in August but she never gets back to me about whether she can get off work or not... It's starting to feel like I'm wasting my efforts on someone who doesn't want a full relationship.
Radu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I think you're the backup guy, and the other guy is either also in a relationship with her, or she is pining for him, in which case she will dump you the moment she gets the green light. Get rid of her, she is using you. Don't accept her back, she will try to get back into your good graces to feel safe. There are 3-4 red flags in your OP, not just 1, and this has been going on for a while.
Teknoe Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 don't like the sounds of your relationship as you posted it, OP. I won't tell you to get out, but I'd urge you to re-examine if it's worth continuing and if so, why? it sounds like a drag and i think it's only a matter of time before it gets worse. life's too short to be someone's sloppy seconds. good luck.
Author add2718 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 I think you're the backup guy, and the other guy is either also in a relationship with her, or she is pining for him, in which case she will dump you the moment she gets the green light. Well she says she's been friends with this guy for 25 years (she's 30) but has never given him up or even reduced contact with him for any of her previous boyfriends. They dated in high school and also about a year or so after high school. Also, she told me that she would give him up if she found the right guy, which was just weird and that only 1-2 of her previous boyfriends could deal with him. I love how this guy has come first in her life and her previous BF's have had to "deal" with him. So lame. I haven't had many girlfriends but I know enough to know that is BS.
Radu Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Well she says she's been friends with this guy for 25 years (she's 30) but has never given him up or even reduced contact with him for any of her previous boyfriends. They dated in high school and also about a year or so after high school. Also, she told me that she would give him up if she found the right guy, which was just weird and that only 1-2 of her previous boyfriends could deal with him. I love how this guy has come first in her life and her previous BF's have had to "deal" with him. So lame. I haven't had many girlfriends but I know enough to know that is BS. You know what the bolded part implies, right ? That you are not the one. The guy in itself is not the problem. It's her lack of boundaries with him, which are needed if he is straight. Ppl generally have 2 ways of responding in interactions with someone, and it depends on how they view them on a subconscious level. Generally ppl are honest and have no problem when they don't view the other person as sexual. An example would be a lesbian woman with a gay man. Or a lesbian woman with a straight man, gay man with straight woman. You get the ideea. If there is a potential for a mate, it all goes through the filter of 'how does he/she view me'. That's why normal honest friendships between straight men and women have a bad reputation. I assume this guy is straight, and as they have been together for this long, the lines are very blurry for her when it comes to what is and what is not acceptable behaviour. It can obviously be changed, but ppl change only when they want to change or there is enough external pressure for them to change. There is nothing you can do, just protect yourself [emotionally]. And at 30 if she claims innocence at not noticing the patterns of bf's who get jealous over this guy ... well, that's either bull**** or utter stupidity. I'll go with the former.
Author add2718 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 She also is a hypocrite... she called one of my female friends my "girlfriend" once for calling me on my birthday, but she can do this guy's laundry (yes, you read that right) and that doesn't make him her "boyfriend". Gimme a break. Yuck.
KungFuJoe Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I have a better idea. Stay with her and keep coming back here with more stories about how awesomely she treats you.
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