dayslikelikethis Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 My ex dumped me in a text I was pretty devastated. I kept pushing for an explanation and finally got one a few weeks later after nothing but silence from her. She said that I needed to work on my insecurity and possessiveness. (We are both in our 30's by the way so we're not kids) I personally think that this was a cop out and she just wants to be single. She said that she never understood why I wanted our relationship to be known on facebook. Well, I was never maniacal about that subject, I just brought it up a few times. I didn't understand why she couldn't at least change her status or maybe even post one single pic of us together. That's all I asked for. I never expected her to post personal info about us or anything at all really. She is still friends with her exes and they regularly post comments on her pics that she adds. Of course there was not one single pic of me and her together added in six months. She told me that she is a private person and feels no need to broadcast her private life to her 500+ facebook friends. I really didn't think that simple acknowledgement of my existence was violating her privacy. If I was insecure, it was because I felt hidden from her life. I only met a few of her friends in 6 months. I enjoyed her friends and they seemed to like me as well the few times we were around each other. My ex isn't reclusive and enjoys going out and having fun. She says I'm insecure and possessive. If anything I feel like my insecurity issues are that I felt like a secret. I'm really not too sure how I am possessive just because I wanted to be acknowledged as her boyfriend. Yes, I did want others to know that she wasn't on the free market. I would like to know others opinions on this. Was I out of line or disrespecting her privacy by at least wanting others (and yes her ex boyfriends) to know that I was her man? 6 months and not one of them knew of my existence (or anyone else for that matter other than 3 of her friends). I don't want to ruin future relationships if I am being possessive and insecure. I just have a hard time grasping her explanation. The only thing that makes sense is that she want's to be single and enjoys other men pursuing her. She is quite beautiful so in retrospect I did become insecure. Mostly due to the fact that I was a secret! I still love her so freakin much. She said that she loved me too everyday until the day of the 2 line text breakup. Initially after the breakup I did the wrong thing and groveled, told her how much i loved her, missed her, wanted her back, etc.... I would love to hear people's opinions on whether asking to just be acknowledged publicly that we're a couple was violating her privacy and I was just being insecure. I did become insecure feeling like I was a secret but isn't that a natural reaction?... Ok, I'm done rambling I appreciate any responses that I get. Thanks.
Sheppy99 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) what it sounds like to me is her sense of self worth thrives on attention from other men and letting people know she's off the market would lessen the amount of attention she gets out of respect for your relationship. It doesn't mean she wants to be with other people, it just means she's probably the one with insecurity problems if she needs that kind of attention to feel good about herself. hence why she keeps her ex's around. Hate to tell you this but I dunno if that's the type of person you want to have a long term relationship with. She should only be worried about you being happy with her and you telling her she's beautiful not other men. A girl that keeps one ex around as her best friend is someone who usually was to weak to move on from that relationship.......... baggage. A girl that keeps multiple ex's around to shower her with compliments has a fragile sense of self worth Edited July 23, 2012 by Sheppy99 1
Ruby65 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 The only people who have ever accused me of having a jealousy problem turned out to be cheaters. There was something going on. Being friends with exes is a red flag. Refusing to change her relationship status or post pics of you are red flags too. Why the secrecy? She obviously wanted to appear single. I'd say you dodged a bullet with this one. Edit: There's a special place in hell for people who end relationships by text message.
Sheppy99 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 The only people who have ever accused me of having a jealousy problem turned out to be cheaters. There was something going on. Being friends with exes is a red flag. Refusing to change her relationship status or post pics of you are red flags too. Why the secrecy? She obviously wanted to appear single. I'd say you dodged a bullet with this one. Edit: There's a special place in hell for people who end relationships by text message. Ain't that the truth......... At least my ex ended it in person on Friday afternoon........ I got to see that she was bawling her eyes out which means I at least meant something to her. Def don't feel like I have the closure I needed cause I was speechless during the whole event. Contemplating messaging her to ask what the real reasons were she ended it but I can't imagine that will help my healing process, just restart it possibly. I'm on the fence haha
Author dayslikelikethis Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 what it sounds like to me is her sense of self worth thrives on attention from other men and letting people know she's off the market would lessen the amount of attention she gets out of respect for your relationship. It doesn't mean she wants to be with other people, it just means she's probably the one with insecurity problems if she needs that kind of attention to feel good about herself. hence why she keeps her ex's around. Hate to tell you this but I dunno if that's the type of person you want to have a long term relationship with. She should only be worried about you being happy with her and you telling her she's beautiful not other men. A girl that keeps one ex around as her best friend is someone who usually was to weak to move on from that relationship.......... baggage. A girl that keeps multiple ex's around to shower her with compliments has a fragile sense of self worth Thanks Sheppy for the reply. I don't think that she is particularly involved with exes but they still post comments on her pics and they most certainly aren't aware of my existence. I only made a few requests in the six months we were together. It wasn't like it was a daily rant of mine or anything. I was afraid to simply post something like "Hey, had a great time tonight babe" or something harmless as that. Somehow I thought I would break violating her "privacy".. Actually I don't think I ever posted a comment on her FB other then pressing the "like" button on pictures. In retrospect, her claims of me being possessive and insecure really don't make much sense. It's still heartbreaking though because we had a special connection there for awhile... She said my "possessiveness" raised "her walls".. Geesh, whatever. I sure do still pine over her though. Had a special feeling when I had my arms around her that I can't recall ever having before. It's a feeling that I'll always miss We fell so fast in love it was crazy and downright scary. She's gonna be a hard one to get over for sure. Your opinions are probably correct and it's nice to hear some outside perspectives. Love is blind and totally toys with your emotions. It's hard to think rationally!
Sheppy99 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Love is blind my friend. No doubt about it. I think she flipped out at you over possessiveness cause deep down inside she knew you were right and she felt guilty. I don't think this makes her a cheater by any means. I think she just likes the attention of other men regardless of her being in a relationship or not. It fuels her fragile ego. I've been with girls like that and they will protect that at all costs. I wouldn't want to be with a person like that ever again cause I, like you, want to be on the same page in a relationship. Which you two certainly were not. She will be like that with any guy she dates, not just you. The question you have to ask yourself is do you really want to put up with it? I'm completely devastated over my most recent relationship ending on Friday but I can look past my hurt feelings and realize my ex even though I didn't see it during our short relationship obviously has some issues and I would not even consider reconciliation unless she was 100 percent honest with me about everything and told me how it would be different this time. She was an easy girl to fall in love with which got me burned pretty bad. Telling me "do you think you even really knew me" was crushing to me cause it made me feel like I fell for a ghost who wasn't real. Which means her self esteem is so fragile that she thought she had to be a different person for me to approve of. Man its hard
Author dayslikelikethis Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Love is blind my friend. No doubt about it. I think she flipped out at you over possessiveness cause deep down inside she knew you were right and she felt guilty. I don't think this makes her a cheater by any means. I think she just likes the attention of other men regardless of her being in a relationship or not. It fuels her fragile ego. I've been with girls like that and they will protect that at all costs. I wouldn't want to be with a person like that ever again cause I, like you, want to be on the same page in a relationship. Which you two certainly were not. She will be like that with any guy she dates, not just you. The question you have to ask yourself is do you really want to put up with it? I'm completely devastated over my most recent relationship ending on Friday but I can look past my hurt feelings and realize my ex even though I didn't see it during our short relationship obviously has some issues and I would not even consider reconciliation unless she was 100 percent honest with me about everything and told me how it would be different this time. She was an easy girl to fall in love with which got me burned pretty bad. Telling me "do you think you even really knew me" was crushing to me cause it made me feel like I fell for a ghost who wasn't real. Which means her self esteem is so fragile that she thought she had to be a different person for me to approve of. Man its hard That "Do you think you even really knew me" line was pretty harsh. How long were you together? I'm not sure I really knew mine as well as I thought I did either... She sure didn't mind accepting the outings, the dinners, the gifts, etc... God forbid I be publicly acknowledged as her boyfriend on a social networking site. How insecure and possessive of me! Just venting. lol... Your breakup was just this past Friday? Mine was mid June but I'm still a mess.. lol.
Sheppy99 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 That "Do you think you even really knew me" line was pretty harsh. How long were you together? I'm not sure I really knew mine as well as I thought I did either... She sure didn't mind accepting the outings, the dinners, the gifts, etc... God forbid I be publicly acknowledged as her boyfriend on a social networking site. How insecure and possessive of me! Just venting. lol... Your breakup was just this past Friday? Mine was mid June but I'm still a mess.. lol. Yes, just this past friday. We were only together less than 2 months but spent almost everyday of those 2 months together almost all day every day. She even introduced me to her entire family and I went on family outings with her and them. They literally told her I was the one which may have freaked her out.... That had to be a lot of pressure. Bit of an age gap too, I'm 29 and she's only 23. The entire relationship was amazing, never a down moment. Always laughing and cuddling, was great. The breakup was so cryptic though. She was bawling from start to finish and I was so shocked and speechless that I barely said anything other than the I can't believe its over cause we were so great together and I loved everything about you which is when she broke the line "do you think you even really knew me?" As soon as she said that I shut down....... I just said there's nothing more to say. She told me she had a lot of things she needed to sort out and that she never really got over an ex of hers completely and that our relationship happened so fast out of nowhere that she wasn't expecting it at all. She said she wasn't looking for a relationship when she met me. She also said I thought this time I was going to be different, I really did......... So to me that meant whatever issues she has she thought would go away while with me but never did. I'm completely perplexed and heart broken. I hold out hope that maybe she'll get her life together and we'll meet again but I'm by no means waiting for her. I wish I had negative experiences to draw upon to help me realize she wasn't the one. All I can do is convince myself she had some deep dark issues she didn't want to confide in me....... I think you should go complete NC with her and I bet she does eventually come back at some point which is when she may be willing to take your concerns more seriously. Just tell her, hey listen I am not a possessive person, I just felt like you were hiding our relationship to a degree and wondered why. I don't need you to send out mass emails or go around with a blow horn but it would be nice if people knew we are together.
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