Occu3.14'd Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 It's been a week of NC. There have been a few fleeting moments of optimism, but mostly sadness and despair. She basically ended everything so abruptly. I was totally blindsided. She said that she really and truly loved me, and that I made her happy. Yet she wasn't truly happy with herself. So she is in counseling right now to find herself. I want to talk to her so badly, if even to ask how things are going. I didn't lose her to some other guy, or to a lack of feelings/love. This is so difficult to sit back and watch while there's not a thing I can do.
Arabella Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Well, that's what she told you, but how do you know it's true? A woman in love doesn't just walk away... she works through it with her partner. I think she may just have been sparing your feelings and the reason may have been different. Either way, you should let it go. If her reason is true, she will contact you when she feels ready.
k100danny Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I agree, people in love ect don't walk away. I'm not saying she still didn't love you but to walk away means the relationship wasn't fulfilling expectation or similar. saying you're happy with someone but not happy in yourself I don't think is possibly sorry, of course someone can be sad and depressed and still in love but this wouldn't make them walk away, the other person would be their rock and place of comfort. I'm sorry but most people give lot's of reasons when breaking up, some true, some not so true, i believe that most people are nice people and try not to hurt feelings but the fact of the matter is she didn't value your relationship enough to stay in it. I do feel your pain, no contact is hard especially when you love someone because it goes against everything you want to do and what seems logical. you love them so you think staying out of their life and not speaking to them is letting them just go and people who love someone don't do that right? well you have to think of it this way, she chose to leave on her own at a time when you were together, so staying in contact isn't going to change her mind. Don't get me wrong some people do manage to get back together but after a break up i truly believe that it is very hard to build a good relationship again.
Sheppy99 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I don't know if I completely agree with the two previous posts. Sometimes a person can have inner demons preventing them from experiencing a relationship to its fullest. The fact that she's getting counselling should be a good indicator this girl realizes she has some issues she has to work through. I honestly just had an amazing relationship end just as yours did a few days ago. No rhyme or reason. Everything was fantastic. But with the few bread crumbs I knew about her past, I knew this girl had some demons. Just last Jan she took a whole bottle of pills but promised she is better. Well.......... she may be better but not completely healthy in mind and body. I don't really know for sure why mine ended, at least you know your x is in counselling so she realizes her issues. My ex just told me do you think you even really knew the real me when she broke up with me which tells me she felt like she was portraying herself as someone I would approve of which is a shame cause I would of accepted anything about her. Keep to NC and let her come to you with more answers and try not to obsess over it, I know its hard cause I've been doing it the last few days myself. She told me she had not completely gotten over an ex etc as well. Shows me how fragile she really is.
steveblack Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I don't know if I completely agree with the two previous posts. Sometimes a person can have inner demons preventing them from experiencing a relationship to its fullest. The fact that she's getting counselling should be a good indicator this girl realizes she has some issues she has to work through. I honestly just had an amazing relationship end just as yours did a few days ago. No rhyme or reason. Everything was fantastic. But with the few bread crumbs I knew about her past, I knew this girl had some demons. Just last Jan she took a whole bottle of pills but promised she is better. Well.......... she may be better but not completely healthy in mind and body. I don't really know for sure why mine ended, at least you know your x is in counselling so she realizes her issues. My ex just told me do you think you even really knew the real me when she broke up with me which tells me she felt like she was portraying herself as someone I would approve of which is a shame cause I would of accepted anything about her. Keep to NC and let her come to you with more answers and try not to obsess over it, I know its hard cause I've been doing it the last few days myself. She told me she had not completely gotten over an ex etc as well. Shows me how fragile she really is. Shappy we are going through a very similar situation. I agree with Shappy on this one, My ex was in love with me and broke it off. She has had some personal turmoil the last couple of months, some mental conditions , and she said she was unhappy (but just doesn't know why). She needs to figure her stuff out, before anything else could ever happen with us (as do i). I am coming to the conclusion that we probably will never be together again (and that hurts a lot). It sucks being helpless to something you want. But you got to accept and MOVE ON. as hard as it is. If its meant to be its meant to be. I miss her completely, and am struggling to not contact her. But I got to stay strong!
Author Occu3.14'd Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Shappy and Steve. You two are correct. This girl has a lot of issues that she needs to sort out. She fits the definition of codependency to a T. I know that her life has had a lot of significant changes over the last year. I also know that there are lots of issues she's had over her lifetime as well. When I step away and look at this objectively, I know there wasn't a thing I could've done to prevent this, and a part of me is relieved that this happened sooner rather than later. It doesn't make it any easier though. When you've gone through relationship after relationship wondering if you'll ever find someone who is perfect for you, it feels like a sick joke when you finally do, but can't be with her.
Sheppy99 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Shappy we are going through a very similar situation. I agree with Shappy on this one, My ex was in love with me and broke it off. She has had some personal turmoil the last couple of months, some mental conditions , and she said she was unhappy (but just doesn't know why). She needs to figure her stuff out, before anything else could ever happen with us (as do i). I am coming to the conclusion that we probably will never be together again (and that hurts a lot). It sucks being helpless to something you want. But you got to accept and MOVE ON. as hard as it is. If its meant to be its meant to be. I miss her completely, and am struggling to not contact her. But I got to stay strong! Be strong man, NC is the way to go. I've broke down numerous times over the past few days. I had to call in sick again to work today which sucked as my supervisor told me there is rumors floating around about me and my ex gf who also worked the same job as me and just up and quit completely after our break up. Now they are wondering why I haven't been in and saying it doesn't look good. I told him I just need another day to collect myself as I am feeling ill constantly (which isn't a complete lie, the wrong thing pops in my head and i get sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears). But I know I'm slowly improving. My ex was into some deep and heavy music too, the dark make you think about your life music........ I'm wondering if she has depression. Every time she was with me was a happy cuddly person but maybe that's not normally how she is and what she meant by "do you think you even really knew me" We were both amazing to our ex's............ and in saying this I don't want to give you false hope to impede your healing cause I still think you should focus on moving on so you can make the best decision down the road but...... I really do believe at some point when they are healed they will come back to us. The question is will we want them back? I couldn't of been anymore loving or caring to that girl then I was. I constantly told her how beautiful she was cause she thought she was ugly (and she was a model at one point in her life) I can't think back to one moment I'd change which makes me feel good at least in that I did everything I could. I really do believe these girls are use to being treated like crap and when they meet a great guy, they realize how messed up they are. It sucks
Sheppy99 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Shappy and Steve. You two are correct. This girl has a lot of issues that she needs to sort out. She fits the definition of codependency to a T. I know that her life has had a lot of significant changes over the last year. I also know that there are lots of issues she's had over her lifetime as well. When I step away and look at this objectively, I know there wasn't a thing I could've done to prevent this, and a part of me is relieved that this happened sooner rather than later. It doesn't make it any easier though. When you've gone through relationship after relationship wondering if you'll ever find someone who is perfect for you, it feels like a sick joke when you finally do, but can't be with her. You couldn't of said that anymore perfectly to how I feel right now. To have her family talk like I was the one for their daughter, to have me considering a long future with this girl cause it felt completely different and to end up having it end as well does feel like some cruel sick joke. I really believe she was used to bein treated badly by exs so much so that she didn't know how to handle a real loving relationship. I'm not saying I loved in her the short a period of time but I treated her like gold. I'm also agnostic which means I believe there's a god but I am not religious by any means. I even went to religious camps with her and her family which is completely against who I am because it was important to her and her family. The reason I was ok with this is because she said she wasn't nearly as religious as her family but it was important to her that I spend time with them. I did spend time with them and they loved me.......... I don't get how it could of gone any better. The last guy she was engaged too her family hated and he hated her family Soooooooo her fam loves me and I liked her fam and she breaks up with me? Makes so much sense......
steveblack Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Sheppy o I really want to think they will come back to us. But honestly that's the stuff that will keep us hurting. I had two major break ups in my life, this one and my first love. It took me 2 years to let go of that one, and it sucked. I was a horrible person, in a lot of pain. I do not want to be there again. I have to forgive, accept and let go. If they come back, hopefully we will be there. But there is A LOT of life to live. This is not easy to say the least
Sheppy99 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I agree Steve, I'm trying to force my brain into moving on mode and not hoping she'll come back which will inevitably keep us in limbo. I made my list today of reasons I'm better off without her. My god was it hard to make when something ends out of the blue and you never had 1 bad time or fight and you thought it was a person who could of been your future. But I did and even came up with 15 reasons. They may not be as strong of reasons as the ones I made for my last relationship but at least they help me put things into perspective when I start feeling like I want her back. The more I think about it, the more I realize this girl has some serious issues even though I never saw them and these issues aren't something she's going to get over in 2 weeks, 4 weeks or months. I sincerely believe these are issues she's going to have to deal with over the next months or years. I believe she battles depression which means she experiences extreme highs and lows......... The good news is I know I could move on from her and even being moved on if she ever did come back, I could consider a relationship with her cause there really is no bitter feelings. Just hurt feelings which she didn't do on purpose. She's just a broken girl right now. If she told me the entire truth of her life and how she's grown and how it would be different and I was single........... I think I would always consider a relationship with her. I'll leave the rest up to fate.
Xestenz Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I'm in a similar situation. Great five month relationship, no wasted moments, great communication and intimacy, and talk of love and a future. But then her 'guilt' over not having enough time for all the things in her life, including me, took over, and she had to walk away from the relationship to relieve this stress and to work on other issues. Dumped me by text too! Classy for a 40 year old woman. Was the most helpless feeling I've ever experienced. Everything great in the relationship and then poof -- gone. Ah, when does this all get better?
Sheppy99 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I'm in a similar situation. Great five month relationship, no wasted moments, great communication and intimacy, and talk of love and a future. But then her 'guilt' over not having enough time for all the things in her life, including me, took over, and she had to walk away from the relationship to relieve this stress and to work on other issues. Dumped me by text too! Classy for a 40 year old woman. Was the most helpless feeling I've ever experienced. Everything great in the relationship and then poof -- gone. Ah, when does this all get better? Not gonna lie, first 2-4 weeks are not easy but it starts getting better after 1 month of NC usually as long as you don't have any set backs like messaging her or calling. I would go complete NC for your sake and the possibility she may realize some things but I wouldn't do it only for that of course. I've just realized tonight what really probably happened in my situation....... I was the rebound guy. Really sucks.
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