Mycteria Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Recently my childhood friend, who was also my first love (unrequited), called me up after nearly 6 years of not talking and said that he thought that we should have ended up together, if he could do things over it would be completely different, he's realized how special I am, etc. etc. Naturally, I was pretty blown away. This is a man that I fell in love with 10 years ago and never thought anything would happen. We've seen each other once since he called me. It went really well and I could defintely see myself falling for him again, but I'm trying to take things really slow because I have some reservations. First, he drinks a LOT. He calls me drunk pretty often. Don't get me wrong, I like to have fun and drink too, but I think he self-medicates to deal with his problems. Right after he got in touch with me for the first time, he got laid off from his job for a month. He got really depressed and contemplated suicide. I don't think he'd ever do it, but still. He doesn't open up to people and I didn't find out about this until after he'd gone back to work and was willing to actually talk about it. I thnk he's trying to open up to me more now. He told me that he needs "someone to save him." I'm not sure what that entails but he told me that he's gotten to an age where partying with friends isn't enough anymore and he wants someone to "live for." He lives 2 hours from me and his job sends him off all over the place for months at a time, so naturally if we do decide to pursue this relationship, we would have to take it very slow. I'm not willing to commit to him (exclusively) until he has his issues ironed out and gets stable as far as his job and money situation goes. He makes great money when he works, but he can get laid off for weeks or months at a time between projects so it would take some work on his part to get stable. My thoughts are: I am willing to be there for him while he figures his stuff out and saves himself. But I can't save him. I don't mind being his motivation, but I'm not going to commit until I know he's happy with where he is in life. What are your thoughts? Should I jump ship?
utterer of lies Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 What are your thoughts? Should I jump ship? Yes. Quickly.
betterdeal Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 He told me that he needs "someone to save him." I'm not sure what that entails but he told me that he's gotten to an age where partying with friends isn't enough anymore and he wants someone to "live for." It's good that he has reached this point in his journey. My answers to his two statements are: He can save him from himself; andHe has to live for himself. Helping someone recover from the position he is in is hard work. Therapists, counsellors, psychologists all receive training and continuous mentoring to ensure they are not at risk when doing so. A good one may well help him a lot. My advice to you would be to pay attention to what is yours and what is his. He has a long journey ahead of him. Don't feel obliged to do anything. Wait and see, maybe the odd suggestion about drinking more moderately or seeking help will help steer him a better course: "it's okay to ask for help" was one of the most significant suggestions I was given when I was somewhere like he is now.
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