Sam2389 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Hello All, New the site, and I was hoping to get some advice. I've been on 4 dates with this girl, and it seemed like we both had high levels of interest in each other. She came to my house, we made out, we held hands, and oftentimes, she was the aggressor. Fast forward to last night, our fourth date, I thought I'd ask her where I see this going because I wasn't interested in wasting her time or mine. It seemed as if she completely skirted the question and said that she prefers to build a friendship first. How should I approach this? Should i accept it as her just not having that much of an interest in me? After we had that conversation, we sat around and talked a bit more, and then i dropped her off. I didn't kiss her or anything, and she looked stunned because I had before. About 30 mins later, I texted to say i had a good time and had hoped that she did too, and that I hoped I hadn't scared her away. She didn't reply, so I sent one more saying guess so, to take care and that i'd see her around. Any suggestions for damage control or what I should or shouldn't do?
Oxy Moronovich Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Yeah man, you should have tried to bang her by the 3rd date. I think you screwed up with her. The fact that you had to frantically text her afterward indicates you think you did too. Guys should always follow this advice: worry about sex first, relationships later. If you follow this advice your love-life will be much better.
Author Sam2389 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 thanks for the advice. I did try to sleep with her on the 3rd date, but she wasn't having it. She just wanted to make out real heavy--like we were in jr. high or something. Anyhow, I guess that one's done. I probably shouldn't have brought it up, but whatever, you live and you learn.
oaks Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Tell her you don't make out with your friends and you want to date her. 2
InJest Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Sam, you did the right thing. She's attention whoring. Don't contact her at all anymore. She'll probably contact you within the week. Don't respond, unless you want to give her one more chance to have sex with you. In that case, invite her over to your house and refuse anything else that she proposes. If she refuses to sleep with you, kick her out on the spot.
Oxy Moronovich Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Sam, you did the right thing. She's attention whoring. Don't contact her at all anymore. She'll probably contact you within the week. Don't respond, unless you want to give her one more chance to have sex with you. In that case, invite her over to your house and refuse anything else that she proposes. If she refuses to sleep with you, kick her out on the spot. I agree with this 100%
MrCastle Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Some may say she was simply screening out the men that just want sex. If you walk away she will say to herself: "I was right". Or maybe she did not want to sleep with you. Or maybe she likes to wait longer. By walking away you will never know the truth. But what if the truth was she wasn't interested in him enough to sleep with him? Then he just saved himself a lot of time and embarassment. The only thing I think you did wrong were 1.) not kiss her (shows she got to you/emotional weakness) and 2.) texting her (shows neediness) I would have kissed her goodbye with a smile on my face as I had the other dates and then went no contact. Let her be the one to stress out over what she did wrong and why I've suddenly gone cold on her. If she cares that much about it, she'll contact you first to try and get a read on you. If she doesn't contact you, she was never truly interested and you made the right move.
Author Sam2389 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 That's some solid advice, Mr. Castle. You are right, I should have kissed her. I totally mucked up that one. My thought process was not to kiss her thinking it would be a good power play on my part. I should have thought that one out a little better. Oh well, I guess I'll see if she contacts me. If she does, I'll give it one more go, and if not, then life goes on.
Radu Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 You messed up by texting the way you did. You showed : - neediness - immaturity [jumping to conclusions] - you apologized when you shouldn't have; you don't apologize for stuff like this ... shows you are kinda weak - ideally you want to let her bring up the relationship talk The friendship thing, you could have recovered from it. Unfortunately as guys we can't win if we don't show some kind of sexual stuff [we get friendzoned], what i found to work great for me is what i call 'the one track mind'. Basically keep the thought of her being sexual as a background though in my mind. Put yourself in her shoes, you didn't kiss her goodbye at the end and you kinda withdrew.
MrCastle Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 That is way too much gaming. I bet she was playing a game and now OP will also play a game. No wonder there is little success in dating among some folks. Why not simply act normally? If you don't have a certain amount of game you will get absolutely eaten alive out here. Sure, there will be an occassional girl who comes along and is totally into you and you guys share a natural chemistry and neither one of you plays games, but those experiences are far and inbetween. Some men do not want to sit on their ass and wait for a girl like that to come along. As a man, I refuse to be forced into celibacy. I should be able to have sex when I want to, just like a female can; not have to cross my fingers and hope my dream girl finds her way into my life. Most men here struggling in their love life are not having sex because they choose to, it's because the choice was made for them. I refuse to be one of those guys. Not every girl is going to be 100% into you from the jump. Some girls are shy, nervous, indecisive, etc and they take a little warmig up to get used to you. Sadly, some men confuse girls like that with disinterested girls and chase girls that will never sleep with them under any circumstance. The move I suggested is made to weed them out. If this girl is one of those girls that needs some warming up, getting to know you time, she will come around. If she doesn't chase him/doesn't care about losing him, she was never interested in him and it was never going to happen anyway. Aside from "gaming", what I've described is more about being a man than anything else. A man doesn't get moody if a girl friend zones him, he shrugs it off and moves on. If he played it cooler, he may have had a better chance of turning this around. I've taken girls who just wanted to be friends and turned them into girlfriends, mostly because I know enough to not listen to a girl's words but instead go by her actions. I knew which ones really meant platonic friends, and which ones just needed more time to warm up to. A man doesn't get moody or needy. He has too much stuff going on to give any thought to silliness like this. He doesn't text to apologize or seek approval or anything and come across as needy. He just goes about his life. 1
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