pippalongstocking Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Ok I am 28 the guy I have been seeing is 48. We have been friends for a while and he helped me through some tough times so we fell into a relationship. The first few months every thing sexually was great! He loves oral and wants it whenever, where ever. I did not have a problem with that and would do it all the time often waking him up with it. I too like receiving but it does not matter to me much. Besides I don't like the way he does it. Anyway, Over the last month he has been having a hard time getting and erection or keeping it. Well a week ago after laying in bed with him not having an erection, he told me I was bad giving blow jobs. He said on every other level I was his dream girl. I am independent, we have great conversations, we have fun together cook for him, we have amazing actual intercourse (when he can keep it up) and I am sexually adventurous. However he said that oral sex is what keeps him going and since I suck at it we should be just friends. Ok, fine. I agreed. I mean I won't have a hard time finding another man. Plus I never had complaints in the oral dept. before. But he still acts like we are together. He wants to spend the same amount of time together. He wants to continue to have sex. Why? If i am no turning him on the way he is accustomed to why does he still call me and ask me out and or to come over and have sex? Also even though I never had complaints from other boyfriends does bad oral really mean deal breaker? P.S I know i am not bad at but just would like to know.
Emilia Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Nah, he just can't get it up anymore and he is blaming you for his dysfunction. I'd say you would be better off with someone who can keep up with you. this will be an even larger issue soon breeding resentment (more resentment) 9
Author pippalongstocking Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Thats what I thought. But why keep pursuing a sexual relationship? It's weird. I do still want our friendship cause we do have a lot of history but him blaming me is annoying. Plus he wants seems to not want anything to change to be actually "just friends" again.
Emilia Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I don't really know how erectile dysfunction works exactly, maybe you want to post this question in the sexual practices section. I'd imagine it's something that comes and goes at least in the beginning, ie he can perform in some cases in others he can't. It is probably hard for him to face up to it though as it could potentially mean the end of romantic relationship for him 2
kaylan Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Are you that surprised OP? The dude is way past his prime, and it wont get better unless he sees a doctor. With guys his age it happens. Have a real talk with him about the possibility of ED. Homeboy may need viagra. 3
Forever Learning Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Thats what I thought. But why keep pursuing a sexual relationship? It's weird. I do still want our friendship cause we do have a lot of history but him blaming me is annoying. Plus he wants seems to not want anything to change to be actually "just friends" again. Yes, give him his walking papers and move on. Don't even waste time wondering what his deal is. He's too old for you and life is short. To heck with him and his criticism of your blow jobs! LOL But the reason he still keeps coming around for sex is, - because he can. Men are like that. They don't always make sense. It's hard for a 48 year old guy to walk away from a 28 year old cutie (you). I sense he will start trying to manipulate you mentally, to knock you down a peg or two, to diminish your self esteem, to make you feel less able to move on. Don't fall for it. It's a dirty rotten trick but now that you are aware of this possibility, you won't fall for it. And remember, the manipulation may be subtle, it won't be obvious for the most part. Don't waste any more time, just move on, and find someone closer to your age for a long term relationship. Men in their 40's and beyond can start to have erectile dysfunction, you don't need to put up with that stuff, you are way to young! As a 28 year old woman, the world is your oyster, I promise you that!! Go get you someone fun who adores your blowjobs, and adores you, without nitpicky complaints and subtle manipulation. Cheers love!!! And, all the best to you!!! 8
Author pippalongstocking Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 I want to talk to him about cause I can see he is frustrated about by it. The first time it happened he jokingly took the blame and said something like "i guess I'm getting old". But now he seems convinced its my fault. Anyway, i am not going to allow him to manipulate me in anyway as soon as we agreed to be just friends he was cut off even though he tried everything to get me to have sex with him. I hope one day in the future we can be actual friends again so we can honestly talk about it, without his ego getting in the way.
Forever Learning Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I want to talk to him about cause I can see he is frustrated about by it. The first time it happened he jokingly took the blame and said something like "i guess I'm getting old". But now he seems convinced its my fault. Anyway, i am not going to allow him to manipulate me in anyway as soon as we agreed to be just friends he was cut off even though he tried everything to get me to have sex with him. I hope one day in the future we can be actual friends again so we can honestly talk about it, without his ego getting in the way. One thing to keep in mind, and women have a very hard time understanding this (me included)- but once you have had sex with a man, you can't go back to just 'being friends' with him in the future. Men don't work that way, and they will try everything in the book to get you back to having sex with them, no matter how long it takes. Please keep that in mind. Meanwhile, enjoy your life and go have a great one with guys your age who can better fulfill you on every level. Cheers sweet lady!!
Radu Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Ok I am 28 the guy I have been seeing is 48. We have been friends for a while and he helped me through some tough times so we fell into a relationship. The first few months every thing sexually was great! He loves oral and wants it whenever, where ever. I did not have a problem with that and would do it all the time often waking him up with it. I too like receiving but it does not matter to me much. Besides I don't like the way he does it. Anyway, Over the last month he has been having a hard time getting and erection or keeping it. Well a week ago after laying in bed with him not having an erection, he told me I was bad giving blow jobs. He said on every other level I was his dream girl. I am independent, we have great conversations, we have fun together cook for him, we have amazing actual intercourse (when he can keep it up) and I am sexually adventurous. However he said that oral sex is what keeps him going and since I suck at it we should be just friends. Ok, fine. I agreed. I mean I won't have a hard time finding another man. Plus I never had complaints in the oral dept. before. But he still acts like we are together. He wants to spend the same amount of time together. He wants to continue to have sex. Why? If i am no turning him on the way he is accustomed to why does he still call me and ask me out and or to come over and have sex? Also even though I never had complaints from other boyfriends does bad oral really mean deal breaker? P.S I know i am not bad at but just would like to know. He is blaming you for his ED, he is immature. If you truly became boring in that department, he would tell you. He sounds passive-agressive, kind of a bad trait in a guy [or girl]. 2
Forever Learning Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 He is blaming you for his ED, he is immature. If you truly became boring in that department, he would tell you. He sounds passive-agressive, kind of a bad trait in a guy [or girl]. Yes! Radu nailed it. Manipulative, and passive aggressive. Well done Radu, as always!!!
dasein Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Who knows whether he has ED or simply finds sex with you less arousing than in the past? LS never fails to disappoint in unwarranted conjecture to support a female perspective. Agree with others though that he was rude and seems immature and thoughtless. IMO he probably wants to keep options open and used the selfish blameshift of bad oral as an excuse. As others say, move on to better options.
Forever Learning Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Agree with others that he was rude and seems immature and thoughtless. IMO he probably wants to keep options open and used the selfish blameshift of bad oral as an excuse. As others say, move on to better options. There you have it, OP. Good stuff Dasein!!
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 End this. You're wasting time on a guy who told you you suck at sucking him off! Hello, him being 48, he should know to tell you HOW to do it, what he likes or dislikes, guide you along the way. Are you in love with him or just very emotionally attached because he helped you through a rough time and you two bonded? It doesn't seem like 'love' just from what you've said and how easily he broke it off with you..over blowjobs! 2
TaraMaiden Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Why not call him out on it? Tell him one of your previous BFs told you once that of all the GFs he had, he thought you gave the best BJ's ever - and you've never had complaints in that department - so if he thinks you 'suck' - tell him to 'blow' it out his @ss and shift beds. You don't play for second-bests who won't accept responsibility, but shift it and project it onto others.... se how he smokes that pipe-load... harsh - but to the point. And blunt with it. 1
veggirl Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I mean if you really ARE bad at giving head then yeah it'd be a big deal--who would wanna be with someone forever if they were bad in bed? I wouldn't. I guess some people could be okay with it?
maybealone Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 End this. You're wasting time on a guy who told you you suck at sucking him off! Hello, him being 48, he should know to tell you HOW to do it, what he likes or dislikes, guide you along the way. This is exactly what I was thinking. I can't believe a man would find a woman who was willing and enthusiastic about blowing him all the time, and he'd just move on without even trying to tell you what he would like. This sounds like nothing more than a stupid excuse, IMO. 2
Author pippalongstocking Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) Thanks for all your responses. Its not a huge deal to me, I was just taken by surprise. Nothing more. I am not "in love" with him though I do care for him and cherish our past friendship. As for a ltr I never really expected to go the distance with him not because of the age difference but lifestyle. He made me laugh when I needed it most and was always there for me and just a good friend all around. The sex issue (even though I am an extremely sexual person and love it) wasn't huge for me. It was more of turn off that he is 48 and doesn't work or want to work or have any goals whatsoever but I looked past it because he is deep down an awesome person. I mean i did as much as I could for him as a friend/ girlfriend for the 4 months we were together (from buying groceries to paying for dates to being with him @ court for his custody hearing), i thought it was abrupt and a weak excuse especially if he is going to try to f*** me every time we talk or see each other. Edited July 23, 2012 by pippalongstocking 1
yongyong Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Hm....people are saying dump him because he can't get an erection..... I think I would dump my wife/gf if she starts to get loose, doesn't get wet down there.....
Author pippalongstocking Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Hm....people are saying dump him because he can't get an erection..... I think I would dump my wife/gf if she starts to get loose, doesn't get wet down there..... I don't think that they're saying that because he can't get an erection, more likely because he is blaming me for his lack of erections. I mean whenever he lost it or wouldn't get one I would work with him or just move on and not make a big deal about it. I would have never broken up with him for that. 2
Forever Learning Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Thanks for all your responses. Its not a huge deal to me, I was just taken by surprise. Nothing more. I am not "in love" with him though I do care for him and cherish our past friendship. As for a ltr I never really expected to go the distance with him not because of the age difference but lifestyle. He made me laugh when I needed it most and was always there for me and just a good friend all around. The sex issue (even though I am an extremely sexual person and love it) wasn't huge for me. It was more of turn off that he is 48 and doesn't work or want to work or have any goals whatsoever but I looked past it because he is deep down an awesome person. I mean i did as much as I could for him as a friend/ girlfriend for the 4 months we were together (from buying groceries to paying for dates to being with him @ court for his custody hearing), i thought it was abrupt and a weak excuse especially if he is going to try to f*** me every time we talk or see each other. Oh lord this guy is not good news at all. Good riddance! 3
Fitz Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 BJs are like pizza. Even the bad ones are still pretty good. Dumpt this guy and move on. But to be on the safe side, go get yourself some educational videos or books. 2
ascendotum Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 This is exactly what I was thinking. I can't believe a man would find a woman who was willing and enthusiastic about blowing him all the time, and he'd just move on without even trying to tell you what he would like. This sounds like nothing more than a stupid excuse, IMO. I agree with this, but I also think when a potential partner is lousy in bed it is a big deal, though in this case it just seems to be one aspect, and I really would have thought having a much younger & enthusiastic lover would more than compensate. I think just because a past lover has not critised someone about their oral skills does not make them by default great at it. Though if you have had a stack of past bed partners, it does tend to lend weight that you not too bad anyway. It can be very sensitive subject to complain about for some people (though this guy skipped the subtle criticism attempt at change and went straight to breakup). Personally I would at least try to get the girl to do things differently that I found more pleasing if I really thought this was going to be anyhting more than a STR. Anyway in respect of this guy I also think its a cover for his ED. You should have asked him for specifics or he should have told you. Since he wanted to break up with you and just be friends give him what he wants. Enjoy your single life and see whoever you want and if that means less time for him, well tough. Drop the sex with this guy, and go back to being just friends. 3
bac Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) He is 48 and you are 28. He could be your dad. That is why older people love dealing with younger people. Young people believe in every BS older partners say. That is so much fun to deal with younger people. You can ask to please you sexually whatever you want and they believe that it is the right thing to do. If he was with a woman in 40s, he would work very hard to please her to get some oral. But, when he is with a girl in 20s, she just work as hard as it takes to please him even she does not really like his own oral sexual skills. First, oral sex is a very simple skill which can be learned. Surely, it is not always pleasant to do for a girl. But, everyone can learn how to do that. You can ask him what he wants in terms of the skill and you can do it for him. And, some men of 48 cannot have erections without viagra because of their age/lack of testosterone. The problem typically presents itself in LTRs with older guys. They are typically OK in terms of libido/erection during first 6 months. Edited July 24, 2012 by bac 1
Author pippalongstocking Posted July 26, 2012 Author Posted July 26, 2012 This is funny...we met for lunch today and he told me he had an "opportunity" to sleep with an ex. He said they were hot and heavy but all he could think about was me. That he couldn't perform cause he realized right then he couldn't be with anyone else. I couldn't stop laughing. I was probably being rude but I couldn't help it. He asked me what was so funny. I told him I hadn't gotten any better at oral since we broke up...but I am sure the next guy I meet won't have any issue working with me. He just looked dumbfounded when I said that and got up (leaving him to pay for lunch). Felt good. Thought I'd share 1
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