Dealing With Post Visit Blues

[spareohs]

Maybe someone else has some input or can cheer me up a little. This community is always so positive, and it's great having a place to vent.

 

After making the trip from the Southern US to Canada to spend an awesome weekend with my SO, I'm feeling a little bummed out now that we're apart again. I was up at 4 am watching him sleep, and just kept thinking about how hard it's going to be not to wake up next to him tomorrow or the next day. (Yeah, I know that sounds super creepy.) Skype is really a blessing, but it's just not the same, and I'm more wary of my texting/messaging when we're apart because the last thing I want to be is a clingy girlfriend. While I'm always a bit more emotional than he is, I try to keep myself in check, and managed to keep myself composed for the most part, because I'm aware there is nothing more awkward than a crying girl that you can't console. Still, it's hard to shake the lonely feeling, and I am trying to stop listening to sad Bob Dylan songs and pull myself together enough to make it to the airport without looking like a blubbering mess.

 

So, on that note: How do you pick yourself up and get back to reality after your visits? Do you plan another trip, cry, keep it to yourself, busy yourself to forget about it? Any advice is welcome!

[Els]

IME, it's normal to cry close to the departure, especially if there's a long period between visits. Just let it out - if you can't let your SO see your true feelings, who CAN you allow to do so?

 

After departure, I used to immerse myself for an entire day or two in something that completely takes all of my attention away from the sadness. Sometimes going out with friends, sometimes mind-intensive hobbies. Going out with friends helps a LOT because you don't feel so alone compared to being in a room by yourself.

 

Good luck!

[Ghisop]

Uggg i am so sorry you feel like this! I feel your pain from my last relationship. The week before you is such a high and the week after you get back is the worst. I would do silly things like work on a blanket I was knitting him or things like that to keep me busy and still feel close

[amayana]

Hi there! I'm from Europe and my BF is from the US. Today it's been a week since we said goodbye at the airport after I had spent 2 weeks with him and his family in the States. I cried 3 times during my stay there, especially at the airport when I had to go. He cried too and it was bittersweet.

 

In my opinion, if you feel like crying when you two are parting, just let it all out. It's good to show your true feelings. It shows how much he means to you and I'm sure he'll appreciate it. You don't sound clingy to me at all! As long as you don't text/call him every two seconds it's fine.

 

After I left, my BF went on a trip and he said that it does help him to feel less miserable as his friends distract him. I meet up with friends all the time, they make me laugh. What I also do is learn new recipes and cook for my family. Just keep yourself busy a lot. Try new things, do something crazy if you like. The best thing is that you'll have lots of interesting stories to tell your BF too

If you can, plan the next time you'll see your boyfriend again. It may give you something to look forward to. I did that but I had mixed feelings as the next time I'll see him is Thanksgiving and that's quite a while but it does give me something to hold on to.

Edited July 27, 2012 by amayana

[spareohs]

Just wanted to thank you all for your input, it really did help. Especially the advice about just being open with how I'm feeling. It's vital to be able to express your feelings openly with your SO, and you all made me realize that I wasn't being a burden at all.

 

I told him that sometimes I get a little emotional and go into girl mode. We typically text throughout the day about silly things like music as well as Skype/FaceTime 3-4 times a week for an hour or so at a time at night, but after this visit, I can tell he's really trying extra hard to make me feel wanted. He has been messaging me more, and Skyping with me during the day since he's a teacher and out for summer. Since I know he's a quiet person who really just enjoys chilling and jamming for hours on end with no distractions, I am super appreciative that he's going out of his way to make me feel important.

 

Our relationship has the added strain of us being from two different countries, so any type of long term living arrangement is going to be expensive and stressful. When I was there, I told him honestly how stressed I was between university and working and trying to figure out how my life was going to fall together while he just kind of goes with the flow of it. I told him I was scared of forcing him to uproot his life and that I really needed some help from him. Lately he has been mentioning off hand little facts about the city we're moving to, when I asked him how he learned that, he said he's been doing research, and he keeps saying how excited he is about moving here; he even surprised me by renewing his passport this week for his visit in October. You can imagine how floored I was when he was looking at apartments in the area.

 

A little honest communication goes a long way. I don't expect him to be super sappy, but he has shown me in his actions that he really does care for me. We're in a better place now than we have been in months. I still miss him, but now that I have an end date in place for this LDR, it's easier to sleep at night. Again, thank you all for your support and kind words, I'm sure you all know that longing feeling in the pit of your stomach, and this community makes those moments when you're sure you've lost your mind easier to deal with.

 

Thanks again guys! You all rock!

[justwhoiam]

Hi,

 

I would like to give you some perspective.

 

I didn't cry at the airport. I knew I was leaving, but probably I was not realizing it entirely... Anyway, he was still there. Even after I went through security. I could see him standing there, and I couldn't know why he wouldn't leave.

 

But I cried a lot for other reasons after a while I was home. When we argued, when I didn't feel he loved me or loved me enough, and because of misunderstandings... all in all, we went through a lot. And crying because you're leaving seems the best thing in this scenario. So trust me, it's not as bad as you may think. Other kinds of tears would leave scars. Feeling lonely once you're at home can leave you blue, but you still have his love! So be happy and start planning the next visit.

[HeavenOrHell]

I've never felt too emotional leaving him, I just feel happy we've spent time together, so I focus on the time we spent together, and look forward to talking to him once he's (or I am) home again later that day.

 

He doesn't show emotion much, in general, so it's easy for me to not get upset either, even though I am a very emotional person I find it very hard to cry in front of people. It would seem over the top for me to cry as I'm usually seeing him in a few weeks anyway, not a big deal compared to some people.

 

I do like to work out the next visit as soon as possible, so I/we can look forward to it.

 

I'm usually on a high from seeing him the first couple days he's gone/I'm gone, then I do sometimes feel low for a bit, so I try to see friends and keep busy. I don't go on about missing him to him, as he would feel bad about me being unhappy, so it's pointless. I don't feel miserable when I miss him anyway, feel a bit lonely sometimes and wish we were together, but he feels the same, which helps.

 

 

 

 

Maybe someone else has some input or can cheer me up a little. This community is always so positive, and it's great having a place to vent.

 

After making the trip from the Southern US to Canada to spend an awesome weekend with my SO, I'm feeling a little bummed out now that we're apart again. I was up at 4 am watching him sleep, and just kept thinking about how hard it's going to be not to wake up next to him tomorrow or the next day. (Yeah, I know that sounds super creepy.) Skype is really a blessing, but it's just not the same, and I'm more wary of my texting/messaging when we're apart because the last thing I want to be is a clingy girlfriend. While I'm always a bit more emotional than he is, I try to keep myself in check, and managed to keep myself composed for the most part, because I'm aware there is nothing more awkward than a crying girl that you can't console. Still, it's hard to shake the lonely feeling, and I am trying to stop listening to sad Bob Dylan songs and pull myself together enough to make it to the airport without looking like a blubbering mess.

 

So, on that note: How do you pick yourself up and get back to reality after your visits? Do you plan another trip, cry, keep it to yourself, busy yourself to forget about it? Any advice is welcome!

[HeavenOrHell]

That's great news! You're so lucky to have an end in sight, makes leaving each other after visits easier I'd have thought.

Nearly 2 1/2 years on for me/us with no end in sight/no chance for us to move, it means we live in the here and now and don't look ahead anymore.

 

 

Just wanted to thank you all for your input, it really did help. Especially the advice about just being open with how I'm feeling. It's vital to be able to express your feelings openly with your SO, and you all made me realize that I wasn't being a burden at all.

 

I told him that sometimes I get a little emotional and go into girl mode. We typically text throughout the day about silly things like music as well as Skype/FaceTime 3-4 times a week for an hour or so at a time at night, but after this visit, I can tell he's really trying extra hard to make me feel wanted. He has been messaging me more, and Skyping with me during the day since he's a teacher and out for summer. Since I know he's a quiet person who really just enjoys chilling and jamming for hours on end with no distractions, I am super appreciative that he's going out of his way to make me feel important.

 

Our relationship has the added strain of us being from two different countries, so any type of long term living arrangement is going to be expensive and stressful. When I was there, I told him honestly how stressed I was between university and working and trying to figure out how my life was going to fall together while he just kind of goes with the flow of it. I told him I was scared of forcing him to uproot his life and that I really needed some help from him. Lately he has been mentioning off hand little facts about the city we're moving to, when I asked him how he learned that, he said he's been doing research, and he keeps saying how excited he is about moving here; he even surprised me by renewing his passport this week for his visit in October. You can imagine how floored I was when he was looking at apartments in the area.

 

A little honest communication goes a long way. I don't expect him to be super sappy, but he has shown me in his actions that he really does care for me. We're in a better place now than we have been in months. I still miss him, but now that I have an end date in place for this LDR, it's easier to sleep at night. Again, thank you all for your support and kind words, I'm sure you all know that longing feeling in the pit of your stomach, and this community makes those moments when you're sure you've lost your mind easier to deal with.

 

Thanks again guys! You all rock!