blue_jay_bird Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 7 year relationship, took him 15 min's to rip apart. Still no call, two months NC. Do you still wake up, in complete shock that your ex lover hasn't even called?
fificremefarben Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I've wondered that every, single day since the BU...and it'll be a year on friday. My feelings for him have changed, for sure. I don't like the person he is and he hurt me too deeply for there every to be any kind of reconciliation. That said, somehow I still can't help but wonder how he could just cut and run after all the years of history between us. I'll get over it someday though, and so will you . Chin up! x
Samilia Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 He must have have found something new, even if it's just freedom, or someone else, to make him move on that way, that fast. It could also be possible that he thinks that not contacting you is what you want. There could be a lot of reasons to explain it. I do think that staying at bay is the best way to heal up but I also think that if you need an answer it's ok to contact him, even if it's to get shut off, because it's still going to be an answer, just a painful one.
pathetic1999 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I wonder the same thing...going on 11 weeks now and not a peep out of him. How do they just turn it off after not being able to go an hour without talking/texting me??
2muchlove Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I wonder the same thing...going on 11 weeks now and not a peep out of him. How do they just turn it off after not being able to go an hour without talking/texting me?? The same way you will one day wake up and feel nothing for him. I promise. It will happen.
keepdancin Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Yup. The shock blows. We were together 8 years. Been NC since February. It was his birthday yesterday. I broke NC and sent him the "Hope you've been having a beautiful birthday" text, aaaaand... nothing. No "thanks, hope you're well." No smiley face. Nothing. Sometimes I wonder if "leave me alone" would be better than silence; still not sure on that one. It's my birthday next week. Doubt I will hear anything. I never even wronged him. I wish he could at least be polite. I think sometimes, we just want to know that our exes care that we even exist. That your relationship was relevant. NC has it's purpose, but when you shared so much with someone and it's been almost a year since the breakup, and you didn't cheat or steal from them or abuse them, you just want to know that they give a F that you exist. 1
jmjacobs31 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 12 years for me with a 10 min breakup conversation. broke up 3 months ago and are into a week of NC. He hasn't called because I forced NC but I wonder how the heck he can just toss me aside like I didn't matter or don't exist. It makes me wonder how long ago he stopped caring about me. I wonder how he can go on with his every day life like.we were not living together for past 7 years. I wonder how he can give up the life he's been living for half his life. He used to love me.so much but not anymore and it hurts like Hell..
pathetic1999 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Yup. The shock blows. We were together 8 years. Been NC since February. It was his birthday yesterday. I broke NC and sent him the "Hope you've been having a beautiful birthday" text, aaaaand... nothing. No "thanks, hope you're well." No smiley face. Nothing. Sometimes I wonder if "leave me alone" would be better than silence; still not sure on that one. It's my birthday next week. Doubt I will hear anything. I never even wronged him. I wish he could at least be polite. I think sometimes, we just want to know that our exes care that we even exist. That your relationship was relevant. NC has it's purpose, but when you shared so much with someone and it's been almost a year since the breakup, and you didn't cheat or steal from them or abuse them, you just want to know that they give a F that you exist. Yea I pinned my hopes on a birthday text...I waited for two months thinking Birthdays mean SO much to him of course he will at least text me. guess what? nope nothing. He told his brother to tell my co-workers hey don't let them forget it's her birthday.
Lisa_Lisa Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 It took me 17 years to get over my last ex. But it does happen eventually.
Sugarkane Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I've wondered that every, single day since the BU...and it'll be a year on friday. My feelings for him have changed, for sure. I don't like the person he is and he hurt me too deeply for there every to be any kind of reconciliation. That said, somehow I still can't help but wonder how he could just cut and run after all the years of history between us. I'll get over it someday though, and so will you . Chin up! x I was going to write pretty much the same thing too, but it's been longer for me. I'm sure my ex doesn't contact me as he is a complete coward and would actually have to look bad/admit he's an Ahole. Plus it's just easier to jump from girl to girl. 1
KatZee Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I was going to write pretty much the same thing too, but it's been longer for me. I'm sure my ex doesn't contact me as he is a complete coward and would actually have to look bad/admit he's an Ahole. Plus it's just easier to jump from girl to girl. This is my ex too. Instead of just owning up to his sh*t and admitting he ruined us and HE'S the reason we're no longer together, it's all my fault. I'm the problem. He's a coward and would never admit he was ever wrong, or that he has flaws. Textbook narcissist. 1
Author blue_jay_bird Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 I try reading up about it, something called Post-Decision Dissonance. After we have made a decision, we will feel dissonance regarding the possibility of it being wrong. We will often change our perceptions to reduce this dissonance and make the decision seem more attractive. This is the basis of the foot-in-the-door technique where people who are asked to make a small commitment (such as signing a petition) will later change their views to align with the action and consequently be more amenable to a more significant request. It is also the basis of brainwashing. Aka, you boyfriend makes the decision, you are not the one for him. He changes his perception to make the decision seem more attractive. He make's the commitment to leave you and change's his view's to align with this action. I can think of the day's before when he started changing his view's. He would start to take my flaw's and blow them up. He had to justify he's leaving me. It was a slow change but in the end. I was not good enough.
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