bobsmith76 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 PLEASE NO COMMENTS FROM GUYS Unlike most men I am a really gun-ho about marriage. I want to feel absolutely excited about my partner and I don't want the lingering thought in the back of my mind: yea, I love you but I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you. I often wonder if talking about marriage scares women. I know women talking about marriage scares men but it doesn't scare me, quite the contrary. I've read quite a few articles directed to women that explicitly tell them not to talk about marriage. I remember reading one article about a woman asking what went wrong with her relationship (she had ordered three bridal magazines and her bf found out about them). The author of the article told her that she had an agenda (getting married) and that that was bad. What nonsense! If he really loved her he wouldn't care about the bridal magazines. Anyway, about me. I often like to talk about marriage when I talk to women, not me marrying them just talk about how exciting I think it is and how I've tried so hard to obtain it. I was wondering how you women would feel if a guy starts talking about marriage not between you and him but just in general. Incidentally I know of course that I probably shouldn't waste my time with women that are luke-warm about marriage, but I still want some info on this question. PLEASE NO COMMENTS FROM GUYS 2
TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Coincidentally enough marriage doesn't scare me either and I am a young man in my 20s, 22 to be exact, so I can see what you're saying but still if you feel like marrying your woman, you definitely should. But if she doesn't want to get married right now, then you shouldn't press the issue right now because if you do, that could potentially drive her away. But if she does want to get married right now but you don't want to, then she shouldn't press you about the issue. But marriage scares people especially when it becomes a reality because they are faced with the task of being with one person for the rest of their life knowing that they can't go back to being single 1
tina783 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I guess it depends on the timeframe of the relationship. I wouldn't want this topic to be brought up at all in the first few months or so.. It would probably freak me out a little bit. 2
Forever Learning Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I think it's great that you'd like to be married!! I think it's very natural, it's a human phenomenon that transcends all cultures and has been around as long as mankind. Some people are great for marriage, some are not. I see no problem in discussing it with women you are dating and interested in. That's the only way you find out how they feel about it as well. In my 20's, I was scared of marriage. I was engaged for like, 7 years to my first long term boyfriend. The second guy, I was with for 16 years, and didn't get married until year 8. So, I was not a woman who was gung-ho for marriage. I was very cautious (and still made bad decisions anyways, despite caution and best intentions). Moral of the story: Communication is good. Go for what you want. You might fail epically, or you might be full of win, hard to know, hard to say for sure, but it's all good in the end. That's just life! Cheers!
Forever Learning Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Now does it have to be a woman or would you be willing to sign a contract stating I am entitled to your assets should I choose to take them? Are you a woman? He said women only on this thread.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I wouldn't bring it up unless in a substantial relationship or if someone asks me. 1
zanesfan Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I personally wouldnt have a problem with it unless its something he wants to do immediately. I will think either: 1. He wants to get married just to be married and not to me 2. Has he talked to or even considered marriage with his past relationships 3. Can we both compromise when to get married. Ultimately I want someone who wants marriage/kids but if thats all you talk about especially in a short time frame, Im going to assume you care more about being married vs the person you are marrying. And yes, I am all woman! 1
KathyM Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I'm not big on bringing up the topic of marriage too early on in a relationship, even if you are only discussing it in general and not in connection with marriage to each other. It would make me think that the person is infatuated with the idea of marriage moreso than who it was with. I think marriage is a natural progression after a love relationship has developed to the point of wanting to commit to one person for the rest of your life. To discuss it with someone you have not yet developed feelings for yet, or too early in a relationship would feel odd to me, and uncomfortable, even if you were discussing your hopes to be married someday without specific reference to me. So what I'm saying is that I'd rather not hear that kind of talk from you, unless it specifically applied to me, and only after a point where our relationship had developed to long term potential. 1
Seductive Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 PLEASE NO COMMENTS FROM GUYS Unlike most men I am a really gun-ho about marriage. I want to feel absolutely excited about my partner and I don't want the lingering thought in the back of my mind: yea, I love you but I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you. I often wonder if talking about marriage scares women. I know women talking about marriage scares men but it doesn't scare me, quite the contrary. I've read quite a few articles directed to women that explicitly tell them not to talk about marriage. I remember reading one article about a woman asking what went wrong with her relationship (she had ordered three bridal magazines and her bf found out about them). The author of the article told her that she had an agenda (getting married) and that that was bad. What nonsense! If he really loved her he wouldn't care about the bridal magazines. Anyway, about me. I often like to talk about marriage when I talk to women, not me marrying them just talk about how exciting I think it is and how I've tried so hard to obtain it. I was wondering how you women would feel if a guy starts talking about marriage not between you and him but just in general. Incidentally I know of course that I probably shouldn't waste my time with women that are luke-warm about marriage, but I still want some info on this question. PLEASE NO COMMENTS FROM GUYS Interesting, bob. Books like Why men marry bitches advise women to not mention commitment or marriage, because it will turn the man off or scare him away. Here's my two cents. Some of the men in the past that talked about marriage and kids right away were actually looking for casual sex. They knew that the marriage talk would help lower a woman's guard down. If a man comes off as genuine, I wouldn't mind. I want to make it clear that I would get to know a person first. 1
eleanorhurting Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Hi Bob. I know how you feel. I think I do that too. My current boyfriend recently told me that I talk about babies a lot too and that it is starting to scare him a little bit that I mention motherhood and babies so much because we have only been together for 4 months. The truth is that I really want to get married and have a family and I absolutely love babies so for me talking about that comes naturally and when I talk about it I do not mean it in connection with the person who I am with. I have no intention of marrying my boyfriend right now, having a baby with him right now (or for the next 5 years with anyone! I just got an IUD placed) but to me marriage and babies is one of my long term goals in life, just like finishing school and buying a house are so to me it feels natural to talk about them. However, most people don't so I would advice you to proceed with caution, not because the way you feel is inappropriate but because some people might feel uncomfortable and unfairly and prematurely cut you out because of it. 1
Author bobsmith76 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Ok, looks like there's a strong majority that are saying don't talk about marriage early and often because women will think that you're just interested in marriage for its own sake rather than the actual woman. I'll try to keep that in mind.
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