Paloma875 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 In January of this year, a guy I had been to college with got in touch saying hi, that he was coming to London and that a catch up would be good. He didn't call whilst in London. But I don't think at this point it really mattered. Anyway, fast forward to around the end of February, I am on fb, and he begins to chat with me, saying sorry he didn’t get to catch up. I wasn't very bothered, I mean prior to him getting in touch, I hadn't seen or heard from him much in about 5 years. He began to contact me more frequently, mainly he’d pop up when I was signed into chat and we’d get talking. fast forward to mid-march and contact becomes almost every day. Normally this level of interaction would completely freak me out, but I was definitely enjoying the laughs and the attention. Conversation was always easy, but progressive, i.e, we started off with light banter, getting to know each other, and then he started to become more and more interested and flirting with me. I reciprocated. Eventually he decided he wanted to come to London to meet up with me. We were both excited and enthusiastic about it. The beginning of June came, he came to London, and we spent a very nice time together. Apart from a little awkwardness, I really enjoyed my time with him, but I could sense something wasn't right- he seemed incredibly nervous around me, it was strange because online he was fully confident. After he returned home, messages became casual. He said he was massively depressed about being back at work, and working his ass off to make up for his extravagances over the two weeks that he was in London. At this point I didn’t feel anything was wrong with that, I too often get busy and sometimes I let things go on the back burner for longer than I should, I guess I didn’t see it as a warning sign?....anyway, apart from the odd message here and there, contact has become almost non-existent. Just before I left for a trip to Japan, we briefly spoke but again, I felt like he wasn’t fully present? I guess I'm looking for insight into why such a promising thing turned into such awkward silence. I say silence because I have allowed him to back away, asked no questions and basically trying to get on with things as usual. I have stopped contacting him in the same way he has me. I see him online but resist the urge to ask him why he doesn’t speak to me anymore. I have looked at various threads saying if a guy goes quiet then ‘he’s just isn’t into you’. Im trying very hard not to relive all of the things he said, I said, we said, we did, to find what went wrong. He never ever gave me a reason to doubt where he stood with me before this, it’s like he went back home and just forgot about me? It would be so much easier if I believed he wasn’t all that into me, but Like I said he never ever made me feel that he wasn’t. I miss him terribly, but I’m giving him the space he seems to have put between us out of respect, however it is feeling increasingly disrespectful that he would just not bother to get in touch and tell me he isn’t interested- straight up. I should be honest and say that I wasn’t upfront with him about how I felt, I said silly things to him, like ‘don’t get too attached’. I have always been a bit self-sabotaging when it comes to showing men how I feel, I guess I am emotionally retarded. As a result I have often ‘fallen’ into relationships with guys that are more interested in me than I am them. Im very strong minded and independent and the thought of being at someone else’s mercy (emotionally) scares the heck out of me so much that I often would rather give up and hide than to let my true feelings show. I wonder if the mixed signals I gave made him back off because it seemed as though I didn’t know what I want? I fell in love with his candour and his humour. please help me understand what has happened.
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