Sprigelz Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 So here it is, laid all out in the open. I know I'm eventually going to file for divorce. But I'll get to that. I am 20 years old and she is 30. Age doesn't matter to me, but it might help you guys with the advice. I am currently Active Duty forward deployed in Okinawa, Japan. My wife and I started dating in Oct 2010, she became pregnant in January 2012 and we were married in February 2012. We had talked about marriage before, but neither of us could go through with it. Once she became pregnant, I grew some balls and asked her. She said yes, obviously. While we were dating, she was always so friendly, loving, caring, passionate, or at least I thought she was. Now she's 8 months pregnant and expecting my first child in early September. This will be her second child, she currently has a 7 year old daughter with her ex husband of 6 years. Recently, ever since we started living together, about a month ago. Yes I know, very ****ed up situation, don't remind me. But ever since I moved in, she has been very closed off, ignoring me, never kissing me, and only says she loves me when I say it first. This is not the woman I used to date. She only ever really talks to me when she has drama with herself or her daughter...which is constant. Or when she needs money, which is also constant but understandable. With our current living condition, my wife and her daughter sleep in the one and only bedroom with the A/C. And I am stuck in the living room, on the couch, with 3 fans blowing on me all night. Even now, I haven't seen my wife in a couple hours, except when I go into the other room to say hi or ask if they need anything. And is usually followed by a no...and that's it. Due to some issues with my wife's pregnancy, we are unable to have sex or do anything really. Well there is stuff we could do, but she refuses, saying that she is pregnant and doesn't feel like it. Which, me being the nice guy, doesn't push the subject and I just deal with it, like everything else that happens. I feel depressed, lonely, ignored, and mainly pissed off because of the previously mentioned statements. I don't know what to do. I want to end the relationship, but I don't want to hurt her or the child. She has told me many times before that if we were to get a divorce she would give me custody, because she can't handle being a single mom with 2 kids in the house. Whatever, my mom did it with 3 kids, but I never say anything. In fact, she seems to always talk about divorce. Never saying anything like "I want a divorce" but more on the line of shes ready for a divorce but she's not going to initiate it. Do you think this is the pregnancy that is making her not love me, or maybe she just used me throughout the whole ordeal? Do you think I should just end it now, and then fight for custody, or wait until the baby is born?
Gunny376 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 You didn't say which branch of the military your in? Being that your in Okinawa, I'm assuming the Marine since that is the predominant force there. But there are also Navy and Air Force there, and some Army. Its relevant to my answer. From what you posted, it sounds as though you may have here over there on an "un-accompanied" tour ~ and if that's the case? That's a different ballgame altogether. All of which has a lot to how I would answer your question. These are "enviormental" issues I know ~ but relevant.
Ninja'sHusband Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I'm gonna ask the usual obvious question Have you guys gone to marriage counseling?
Gunny376 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I'm gonna ask the usual obvious question Have you guys gone to marriage counseling? In Okinawa? :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Yea they offer it on base? Limited to eight sessions! What a freaking joke!
Author Sprigelz Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 You are correct. I am here unaccompanied without enough obligated service to do a conversion or anything. And you are also correct, I am Active Duty Marines
Gunny376 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Okinawa can be tough even if your on a "sponsored tour ~ un-sponsored it can be down right miserable ~ especially for a dependent wife ~ especially for a pregnant dependent wife..................... With such, a car isn't even an option ~ its a necessity ~ a must have ~ especially with a pregnant wife. I'm curious as to where she's receiving her medical attention? Trying to make it on enlisted pay (I'm guessing your enlisted ~ given your age) without beneifit of COLA in Okinawa? UNless things have change dramaticall since last I was there? Non-sponsored dependents rate only the miscule of priviledges as compared to sponsored dependents. They're use to be treated like second class citzens. Without benefit of a car, and her being pregnent in Okinawa ~ along with her being 30 years old,.......................NOT A GOOD COMBINATION. Her being pregno is almost a blessing ~ if she weren't you'd have every Tom, Dick and Harry trying to pick her up and give her the business of getting and marking time with her. You can pursue marriage couseling ~ last time I heard it was through Camp Butler, and then only limited to eight sessions. Of course there is the Base/Battalion Chaplain. A complete waste of time in my honest opinion. Given that she's not up to being a single mom, and would give you sole custody of the child, I would say that your best bet would be to request a hardship transfer back to the States ASAP. This could take some time, and a hell of lot of documentation, about a gazillion endorsements, and a lot of time. Hell by the time you got everything together? I'm guessing you'd be ready for rotation back to the States (I'm assuming your on a one year un-accompanied ~ surely not a six month rotation. Of course her travel expenses are out your pocket ~ I'm guessing you drew advance pay to get her there ~ its going to be a hell of a lot tricker when it comes your end of tour. That is unless you've already gotten the initial advance pay paid back already, (I can't believe you got it in the first place!) You can PM if you like ~ as your situation is a little unique.
Author Sprigelz Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 First off I should've explained that she is a Japanese national and was already here when I got her in April 2010. My current rotation date(Aug 2013) is also my EAS date as I extended to stay out here with her to make things easier. I am not planning on Re-enlisting, for personal reasons. My wife has a car in her mothers name, and without the tour conversion, command sponsorship, area clearance, she is unable to get a SOFA license. So she drives off base daily to do whatever it is she needs to do while I'm at work. Finally, after 6 months of being married I finally got all the completed paperwork to receive Spouse OHA(BAH, as I'm sure you know). And a very nice back-paid check. She is currently receiving medical care off base and also plans to have the baby at a Japanese public hospital, which is going to cost me roughly $4000.She is well aware of the on base medical care for free, but says they are "too rough" and she doesn't want to have our baby there. As for marriage counseling...I don't know. I know it seems stupid, but I don't like people telling me how to run my life or have a better household. I'm sure your thinking, then why the hell did you join the USMC. haha For now, I am going to stick it out in Japan until my EAS, only a year away. Just trying to get some ideas on what I should do. My family always tells me, "divorce her now!!!, and get rid of her!!" But I don't know. I don't want my child growing up without a mother. Reasonable right? Or am I just being stupid and setting myself up for failure?
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