Is this long distance relationship with my 31 years old bf has a future??

[ellie257]

I am a 19 years old girl who is about to start university in 2 weeks. I have been in a long distance relationship with this 31 years old (he is unmarried and have no kids) man since 6 months. We get along very well, never fought and we both feel that we are deeply connected. However, he once cheated on me and i forgave him. Then when he is out of town, he never informs me about it and i dont hear about him for weeks. With time he rarely contacts me ( once in a week or two!) saying either that he is busy with work or his computer broke down. I gave him my phone number but never gave me his. What should i do so that he contacts me more often as communication is important in a relation? I also fear that one day he disappears and does not want to contact me anymore!! Am scared to bring this up though... Is he really serious about me? please i really need help, he means a lot to me!

[JWRP]

If they cheat once; they'll cheat again.

 

He is not serious about you. My girlfriend can log into my facebook, answer my phone or check my email(that does read back a little sexist, but it's not, I swear ). I want her to know everything is in the open<3.

[TMichaels]

Is he really serious about me?

 

You've been together for six months and he:

 

• Has cheated on you once (that you know of; wouldn't surprise me if that was the only time)
  
• Disappears without warning (and I imagine provides no explanation or apology for it, either)
  
• Gets in touch with every week or so (and gives you some sort of flimsy excuse as to why)
  
• Has never given you his phone number (even though you have given him yours)
  

Essentially, he's treated you like a dog and your biggest concern is that one day he may totally disappear and not want to contact you again?

 

Honey, if *he does disappear* THAT will be the best thing that could possibly happen to you. The guy is playing you like a fiddle and doesn't deserve one more minute of your time.

 

You say he's unmarried and has no kids. That's what *he tells you*. I wouldn't trust for a minute that's the truth. Believe me, he's hiding something or he wouldn't be acting the way he is.

 

He keeps in contact with you sporadically -- just enough to continue to keep you "on the hook" so that he has a fall-back plan. You are so relieved to hear from him you accept his excuses and forgive his infidelity. He knows that, so what's the incentive for him to change his behavior? He's walking all over you, taking advantage of your inexperience and naivete.

 

Does that sound like the kind of boyfriend you want? The kind of treatment you should expect and deserve? If he's treating you with so little respect now when most people "are on their best behavior" and trying to impress their SO, can you imagine how with how little regard he'll give you if you were in a long-term. permanent relationship with this man?

 

ellie257, you're about to go to university. Enjoy it. Meet new people. Learn new things. Consider it a new chapter in your life, as it is. A 31-yr-old man who treats you like crap and has no interest in your feelings is a piece of baggage you should leave at the curb as you embark on your university experience, no matter how much you think this guy means to you (now).

 

Consider the following one of the first and most important "lessons" you need and master as part of your education:

Never make someone else a priority in your life who considers you nothing more than one of several options in theirs.

 

Best,

TMichaels