dayslikelikethis Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) Ok, I dated this girl for six months and she dumped me via text with next to no explanation. I was head over heals in love with her. I am 39 years old (she's 36) and have had plenty of relationships over the years. Was even married back in my 20's. I've been through plenty of breakups where as I've been the dumper AND the dumpee. This particular girl I fell madly in love. It was like magic. We declared that we loved eachother on day 8!! That's how fast we fell for eachother. We met on New Years eve at 15 minutes till midnight when she came strolling in to the bar like she was Cinderella.. I was lost in love and so was she (or so I thought) About 3 months in we had a short breakup. She felt that I was over possessive. I really couldn't place a finger on how I could have been smothering her except for one time I got into an argument with one of her guy friends at a club. He really was the antagonist in the argument and it was quite clear that he has feelings towards her. We smoothed that out and everything was golden again until the middle of June. That's when I got dumped via text. She said that she has had enough. Very little explanation other than that. I sent many texts asking for an explanation that I felt that I deserved. Once again she said that I was overly possessive (took her 3 weeks to respond) I did a lot of soul searching and really didn't feel I was being possessive at all. We got along great with very very few arguments over the 5 1/2 months we were together. So since then (when I probably should have been utilizing NC) I sent texts letting her know how much I love her, and how hurt that this has made me. You can probably guess that these texts had no effects on her. I wrote a final goodbye text just 4 days ago and had No contact for those 4 days.. Until last night. I was down at my local bar listening to the band. It was within walking distance from my house so that's where I like to go when I drink more than 2 beers for safety reasons. She lives 10 miles away from me in a bigger town with plenty of things to do. First I notice that two of her friends walk in with 3 guys. Then she comes in about 30 minutes later. One of the guys was obviously there for her. He was pursuing her all night. While she wasn't exactly accepting his advance with open arms (probably because I was sitting 15 feet to her left), she wasn't pushing him away either. I texted her after everyone had left why she would drive 10 miles to come to the only bar that she knows that I go to. She knew there was a high likelyhood that I was going to be there. Why did she have to come and meet up with this guy right in my face? They dance, flirted, etc... I finally got a text back at noon today saying that she was just going to meet her friends there. Her friends RARELY ever went here. Well, to wind this down I was finally starting to mend my broken heart after I sent the final goodbye letter and implemented NC. Now, it feels like it did way back on day 1. Now, it's even worse because I now have visuals of one of the "new guys" in her life dancing around in my head to share in my torment. It didn't even seem like she was bothered by anything. She was laughing, dancing, having a ball.. While I sat at the other end of the bar simply crushed. She knew how bad I was taking this breakup. I just don't understand how she could do this knowing that it was going to crush me. She told me that she loved me just one day before she broke up with me via text. My best guess is that she just wants to be single and play the field. I can live with that (barely). Why would she just flaunt that in my face. There was 100 other bars she could of went to dance at. I was just sitting at a little whole in the wall bar with a ****ty band. Don't get it, but the pain I feel now is more intense than ever I sent her a message today letting her know how her actions hurt me. I still told her I love her in the letter too.. UGH, I know, stupid!!.. Well, it's back to NC. Hopefully she will let me heal in peace this time Edited July 23, 2012 by dayslikelikethis
Own Worst Enemy Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I suspect the answer is as simple and as complex as: she changed her mind. Awful for you and impossible to understand. One thing I would say, though. You say you weren't possessive or clingy, but your story does read as if you have contacted her a LOT with emotional texts and messages since the break up. Whatever else, i think this now has to stop. There are millions of girls out there complaining there are no decent men left in their 30's and that men never text or call etc. Let your heart heal and then find someone who will appreciate your affection, not run away from it!
Author dayslikelikethis Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Thanks for your reply. I agree with your advice and admit that I was acting desperate and needy after the breakup.. Because I WAS desperate and longed to have her back. Wish I would have found these forums sooner. Probably would have saved myself some dignity! Now, my next step I im eventually going to have to take is blocking her facebook. I haven't quite been able to do that yet..
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