beachbum15211 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I wanted to ask how to get my ex back, but that's not the problem. The problem is that she isn't my ex. See, what happened was that five weeks ago, she had to leave town to take care of some major family problems. But before that - we were having problems. She was always busy with work (like 12 hr. days) and things, and we didn't get to see each other really at all for like six weeks. So I tried to talk to her about it when she sprung all the family problems on me and they were adding even more busy to her life. She went on to say she didn't know if she could give me what I want and sometimes feels like I'm pressuring her to hang out (Which isn't true because I ask her like once a week to do something - but whatever) Anyway, I asked her if she wanted to break up. She said she didn't know. We talked some more - she said that this was probably good timing for her to leave town as she could reevaluate. I again asked her if she wanted to break up. And again before she leaved I told her if that's what she wants, just tell me and we can get it over with right now - she still said she needed to focus on her family and then she could sort this out. Then she said, "Talk soon." - Last thing she said to me in person. So that night, she texts me "Good Night." out of the blue. And then we have a funny quick text conversation before she leaves. That's five weeks ago and I literally haven't heard from her since. Since she said the thing about pressuring, I decided to barely contact her, but before her flight left, I told her that I was here for her to talk about family stuff whenever. So after a week, I texted her just to let her know I was thinking about her and the family stuff. A few days later, I emailed her with some inspirational stuff that I thought she might enjoy and help her along. After about two weeks, I texted her once letting her know I missed her and still felt for her. Then another nine days later, I sent her an email with some jokes. Then, a week after that, it was her Anniversary of being Adopted and I sent her my best wishes. Then she got back in town the Monday after that (I only know that because of a Facebook post she made - how stupid is that?) So that Wednesday, I sent her a little note letting her know I was thinking about her and still wanted her back even though she hadn't actually broken up with me and suggested she remember the good times. Then on Saturday night (yesterday) I left her a pretty calm voicemail about how I don't know how things got messed up, we only had fun together and I'd love to start over. I also reminded her she still hadn't ever broken up with me. So I still haven't heard from her. My problem is, at this point, I feel like I'm dying slowly and painfully and she can either give me the antidote or put me out of misery with one shot. Obviously, I'd prefer the antidote - but I'd settle for the gunshot at this point. Her breaking up with me officially would at least give me closure. I want to at least get that - but I don't want to force her into an ultimatum if she actually still is sorting things out - I mean, why wouldn't she just tell me it's over or to **** off if she was through? That'd be so much easier. Anyway, I'm trying to think of my next move. 1. Is that I'm going to send her a gluten-free gift basket. She got diagnosed with a gluten allergy early into our relationship and I was going to send her a simple basket with a simple card. Something like: "I meant all those nice things I said to you. And even though my actions may have been screwed up from time-to-time, my heart was always in the right place." Or a card that simply says: "I miss my girlfriend... 2. Is that I'm just going to text her and ask if we're ever going to talk as gently as possible. This would at least move things forward somewhat. 3. Is simply to completely ignore her. Stop talking to her altogether. There's a few reasons I don't want to do this: One is that I prefer the breakup to uncertainty and there's no way to get it like this. Two is that I'm leaving myself to languish and not be able to move on. Since there's no closure I'm just going to be sitting around. Plus, I can't really date anyone else because that's technically cheating and I'd never do that. So what's my best tactic? Any other suggestions of what to do? I'm leaning toward one - so suggestions of what the card would say? Obviously, the ultimate goal is to reconcile with her and keep it going, but I've just got to at least get closure and have it actually end if that's how it's going to be. I know that's a long post, but I wanted to tell the complete story to get the best advice - what do you all think?
Author beachbum15211 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Maybe should add a couple things. Firstly, we've been together about 7 months now (6 before the five-week absence) - so this is something where she really should break up with me. Also, she does get really consumed with things that cause her to lose all contact with a lot of things in her life. Like she didn't realize her roommate broke up with her boyfriend for like a month after it happened because she was really busy with work so it's just kinda who she is.
veggirl Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 OMG I lost count at how many times you contacted her with no response from her! Look, it's really effed up of her to disappear and not properly break up with you. Absolutely. She sucks for that. But STOP CONTACTING HER! Do not send her a gift basket or a text! You have put yourself out there PLENTY (too much!) and you are going to look pathetic in her eyes if you don't already. And stop making excuses for her. NO ONE gets so "consumed with things" that they forget to contact their BF for FIVE WEEKS. If she was the least bit interested in being with you, she would have responded to you and been in touch. Please for the love of god do not contact this girl again. The fact that you are even wanting to be with someone who ignored you over and over and over and over is really sad. I'm sorry you're hurting but this girl has no respect for you, please have some for yourself. Why do you want to be with a girl that ignores you so blatantly?
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